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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Court

36 replies

charlybear7 · 18/10/2015 20:48

Hi I'm due in court in a few weeks (ex wanting access even though I've never denied him) but i have no one to pick my son up from school or anyone to look after my 4 month old baby.

Does anyone know what my options are if I have no childcare please?

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Bellemere · 18/10/2015 21:31

You would need to find childcare. A judge would not look kindly on that as a reason for a delay and possibly would have the hearing go ahead without you. Have a look at childminders in your area - they often do one off care for circumstances like this.

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charlybear7 · 18/10/2015 21:41

Thank you. Who foots the childcare costs?

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AbeSaidYes · 18/10/2015 21:43

I would take the four month old with me, in a sling. Not sure about your son though, could another mum help out?

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Bellemere · 18/10/2015 22:17

You do.

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charlybear7 · 19/10/2015 05:27

It's all so wrong.

This man is taking me to court for no reason. I have never stopped him seeing his children just stipulated it has to be supervised contact.

He's refused mediation (well went to a separate mediator to the one I originally went to).

Yes maybe I should take my baby in a sling or carry him but is that allowed in court? The time of court is his feed time so how can I do both?

I have no money for childcare!

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fuzzywuzzy · 19/10/2015 05:37

OP have you posted this before?

You have a partner who can mind the children or find a local childminder forthe oen day emergency childcare.

Or family or friend.

If you don't go to court your ex will get whatever he's asking for.

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Bellemere · 19/10/2015 08:03

Why are you insisting on supervised contact?

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foolonthehill · 19/10/2015 10:21

Is there an after school club your son could go to?
You should ask permission to bring your baby to court..they almost certainly will allow.

Is this a first directions hearing?

It is VERY imporatant that you turn up and fully engage with the process. you neeed to put your outrage/hurt/feelings to one side. It is now up to the court to decide how much and what sort of contact your ex has with his children.

Put on your game face, bury the emotions and practice displaying the most reasonable, communicable, competent, loving mother face your can. The judge needs to believe that you are totally reasonable (not saying you are not...just we can all appear otherwise under pressure etc).

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charlybear7 · 19/10/2015 12:51

Thanks for all your advice x

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3xcookedchips · 21/10/2015 19:00

ex wanting access even though I've never denied him

I have never stopped him seeing his children just stipulated it has to be supervised contact.

As long as it is on your terms - this is why he is taking it to court.

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 18:32

Why shouldn't it be on my terms - he walked out on us whilst I was 7 months pregnant and left me to do EVERYTHING whilst he's done NOTHING!!

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fuzzywuzzy · 22/10/2015 18:37

OP I'm really sorry your ex treated you badly.

The courts won't agree to supervised contact unless there's a good reason ie your children are at risk.

It's best you go to court present your case, from the view of what is best for your children and accept that he will get unsupervised contact at some point.

Your children have a right to a relationship with their father.

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laughingatweather · 22/10/2015 18:42

It sounds harsh but your childcare arrangements are not the responsibility of the Court.

If you are insisting on supervised contact then you have restricted your exs contact with the DC and that's why it needs to be heard in court. You may have very good reasons but that needs to be heard in court.

The Court has no obligation at all to sort out your childcare arrangements or pay for them.

You have to sort this out unfortunately.

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 18:43

They are at risk hence why contact needs to be supervised! I want him to have a relationship with his children and I want him to take some responsibility for them!

I am very tired of doing literally everything and in the mean time he's taking me to court adding to my stresses.

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Bellemere · 22/10/2015 19:03

How are they at risk? You haven't said, which makes it very hard for people to give you appropriate advice.

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 19:06

He's admitted he's suicidal.

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Bellemere · 22/10/2015 19:12

Okay, that isn't necessarily putting the children at risk. Is he planning his own death? Is he seeking help? I was suicidal for months - my children were never at risk.

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 19:17

I have no idea as we haven't seen or heard from him since July! No way could I have handed my newborn baby and 4 year old over to a man who's telling me he wants to kill himself. Even if he is their father. No he's refused any help and denied he's told me he's suicidal even though I have texts to prove he's said it. It might be nothing but I'm not willing to risk my children's welfare for anyone.

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SurlyCue · 22/10/2015 19:23

Ive been suicidal at points in my life, i have never been a risk to my children because of it i doubt your motives. Is this just spite? My way or no way?

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 19:37

How do you doubt my motives when I've said I want him to see his children, take on some responsibility for them and be a father they deserve?

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SurlyCue · 22/10/2015 19:44

How can he parent, take on responsibility if it is supervised? Anyway, yes, i am doubting your motives for requiring it to be supervised. I'm guessing its how you are punishing him for walking out because it is the only thing you have (or think you have) any control over. I can tell you now that there are men who have been convicted of assaults on their exes and children and they still get contact. A man who poses no threat to his children will get it no problem.

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laughingatweather · 22/10/2015 19:50

I'm not doubting your motives but all of your posts are about what you want, what you expect, what you think is acceptable and what you don't.

What you want or expect may not be what is realistic or in the best interests of your DC. That's why you're going to Court. When you're a parent it isn't always about you, it's about your DC.

There may be a huge back story but your ex being suicidal at times does not mean he would pose a risk to your children or shouldn't be able to see them without supervision.

I'm not criticising you but trying to prepare you for the fact that the Court will take all the evidence and make a decision in the best interests of your DC. And that may be very different to what you want or expect.

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 19:57

I don't expect the contact to be supervised forever. I would just like to know my children are safe when they are with him, something I questioned when he was telling me how he planned on killing himself.
This isn't anything to do about control. I'm not interested in punishing him for walking out, that would be a complete waste of my time. I am just interested in my children's welfare. I have wanted him to see them since July but he had chosen not to and only now has decided to take me to court.

You can make your opinion on me all you like but you don't know our story so please stop telling me what I'm doing when you couldn't be further from the truth!

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charlybear7 · 22/10/2015 20:02

I'm am my children's advocate as they are children. I have their best interests in mind. Their safety. If the court decides they can be with their suicidal father unsupervised then so be it. At least I know I've done my best to protect them.

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MinnieF1 · 22/10/2015 20:05

Hello OP.

You need to take screenshots of his messages and take them to court. Do you have legal representation? You can apply for your ex to undergo a psychiatric assessment to determine whether it not he is a risk (this will be expensive if you don't have legal aid- you'll both pay roughly £1000 each).

I don't know the backstory to your situation, but suicidal thoughts probably aren't enough alone for the court to order a psychiatric assessment. If your ex hasn't seen the children since July then contact will most likely start off in a contact centre.