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(37 Posts)
charlybear7 Sun 18-Oct-15 20:48:01

Hi I'm due in court in a few weeks (ex wanting access even though I've never denied him) but i have no one to pick my son up from school or anyone to look after my 4 month old baby.

Does anyone know what my options are if I have no childcare please?

Bellemere Sun 18-Oct-15 21:31:46

You would need to find childcare. A judge would not look kindly on that as a reason for a delay and possibly would have the hearing go ahead without you. Have a look at childminders in your area - they often do one off care for circumstances like this.

charlybear7 Sun 18-Oct-15 21:41:24

Thank you. Who foots the childcare costs?

AbeSaidYes Sun 18-Oct-15 21:43:10

I would take the four month old with me, in a sling. Not sure about your son though, could another mum help out?

Bellemere Sun 18-Oct-15 22:17:51

You do.

charlybear7 Mon 19-Oct-15 05:27:46

It's all so wrong.

This man is taking me to court for no reason. I have never stopped him seeing his children just stipulated it has to be supervised contact.

He's refused mediation (well went to a separate mediator to the one I originally went to).

Yes maybe I should take my baby in a sling or carry him but is that allowed in court? The time of court is his feed time so how can I do both?

I have no money for childcare!

fuzzywuzzy Mon 19-Oct-15 05:37:51

OP have you posted this before?

You have a partner who can mind the children or find a local childminder forthe oen day emergency childcare.

Or family or friend.

If you don't go to court your ex will get whatever he's asking for.

Bellemere Mon 19-Oct-15 08:03:21

Why are you insisting on supervised contact?

foolonthehill Mon 19-Oct-15 10:21:19

Is there an after school club your son could go to?
You should ask permission to bring your baby to court..they almost certainly will allow.

Is this a first directions hearing?

It is VERY imporatant that you turn up and fully engage with the process. you neeed to put your outrage/hurt/feelings to one side. It is now up to the court to decide how much and what sort of contact your ex has with his children.

Put on your game face, bury the emotions and practice displaying the most reasonable, communicable, competent, loving mother face your can. The judge needs to believe that you are totally reasonable (not saying you are not...just we can all appear otherwise under pressure etc).

charlybear7 Mon 19-Oct-15 12:51:47

Thanks for all your advice x

3xcookedchips Wed 21-Oct-15 19:00:12

ex wanting access even though I've never denied him

I have never stopped him seeing his children just stipulated it has to be supervised contact.

As long as it is on your terms - this is why he is taking it to court.

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 18:32:17

Why shouldn't it be on my terms - he walked out on us whilst I was 7 months pregnant and left me to do EVERYTHING whilst he's done NOTHING!!

fuzzywuzzy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:37:31

OP I'm really sorry your ex treated you badly.

The courts won't agree to supervised contact unless there's a good reason ie your children are at risk.

It's best you go to court present your case, from the view of what is best for your children and accept that he will get unsupervised contact at some point.

Your children have a right to a relationship with their father.

laughingatweather Thu 22-Oct-15 18:42:56

It sounds harsh but your childcare arrangements are not the responsibility of the Court.

If you are insisting on supervised contact then you have restricted your exs contact with the DC and that's why it needs to be heard in court. You may have very good reasons but that needs to be heard in court.

The Court has no obligation at all to sort out your childcare arrangements or pay for them.

You have to sort this out unfortunately.

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 18:43:11

They are at risk hence why contact needs to be supervised! I want him to have a relationship with his children and I want him to take some responsibility for them!

I am very tired of doing literally everything and in the mean time he's taking me to court adding to my stresses.

Bellemere Thu 22-Oct-15 19:03:18

How are they at risk? You haven't said, which makes it very hard for people to give you appropriate advice.

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 19:06:21

He's admitted he's suicidal.

Bellemere Thu 22-Oct-15 19:12:02

Okay, that isn't necessarily putting the children at risk. Is he planning his own death? Is he seeking help? I was suicidal for months - my children were never at risk.

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 19:17:07

I have no idea as we haven't seen or heard from him since July! No way could I have handed my newborn baby and 4 year old over to a man who's telling me he wants to kill himself. Even if he is their father. No he's refused any help and denied he's told me he's suicidal even though I have texts to prove he's said it. It might be nothing but I'm not willing to risk my children's welfare for anyone.

SurlyCue Thu 22-Oct-15 19:23:20

Ive been suicidal at points in my life, i have never been a risk to my children because of it hmm i doubt your motives. Is this just spite? My way or no way?

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 19:37:18

How do you doubt my motives when I've said I want him to see his children, take on some responsibility for them and be a father they deserve?

SurlyCue Thu 22-Oct-15 19:44:40

How can he parent, take on responsibility if it is supervised? Anyway, yes, i am doubting your motives for requiring it to be supervised. I'm guessing its how you are punishing him for walking out because it is the only thing you have (or think you have) any control over. I can tell you now that there are men who have been convicted of assaults on their exes and children and they still get contact. A man who poses no threat to his children will get it no problem.

laughingatweather Thu 22-Oct-15 19:50:14

I'm not doubting your motives but all of your posts are about what you want, what you expect, what you think is acceptable and what you don't.

What you want or expect may not be what is realistic or in the best interests of your DC. That's why you're going to Court. When you're a parent it isn't always about you, it's about your DC.

There may be a huge back story but your ex being suicidal at times does not mean he would pose a risk to your children or shouldn't be able to see them without supervision.

I'm not criticising you but trying to prepare you for the fact that the Court will take all the evidence and make a decision in the best interests of your DC. And that may be very different to what you want or expect.

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 19:57:33

I don't expect the contact to be supervised forever. I would just like to know my children are safe when they are with him, something I questioned when he was telling me how he planned on killing himself.
This isn't anything to do about control. I'm not interested in punishing him for walking out, that would be a complete waste of my time. I am just interested in my children's welfare. I have wanted him to see them since July but he had chosen not to and only now has decided to take me to court.

You can make your opinion on me all you like but you don't know our story so please stop telling me what I'm doing when you couldn't be further from the truth!

charlybear7 Thu 22-Oct-15 20:02:36

I'm am my children's advocate as they are children. I have their best interests in mind. Their safety. If the court decides they can be with their suicidal father unsupervised then so be it. At least I know I've done my best to protect them.

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