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CSA told me absent father has died

(26 Posts)
SparklingMoon Sun 27-Sep-15 14:34:52

Hello, the CSA informed me that they will be closing my case because my son's father has died. He was only 38. I feel really shocked that he has died. Is there any way I can find out how he died without contacting his family? I can not find any information about how he died on the internet. I have seen lots of mentions of his death but nothing of how he died. The funeral was 11 days after the death. That's all I know.

OP’s posts: |
SwedishEdith Sun 27-Sep-15 14:36:58

If you know where he died, you could contact the local Registrar and get a copy of the death certificate. You'll have to pay a small fee but you can get one.

BeverlyGoldberg Sun 27-Sep-15 14:43:29

Was he on Facebook? Or any of his friends that you knew?

I'm sorry for your loss, you must have such mixed feelings for you and your DC thanks

SparklingMoon Sun 27-Sep-15 16:14:20

Thank you for your replies. I didn't know if I would be allowed a copy of the death certificate. I think this is what I should do.

Yes he is on Facebook. Lots of sad posts. I have asked a couple of people who posted but they said they didn't think it was their place to tell me. I really don't want to contact his family.

I am sad for his family and sad for my son. His family don't know about my son and my son doesn't know about them.

OP’s posts: |
AndNowItsSeven Sun 27-Sep-15 16:16:18

Would it not be possible for your ds to have a relationship with his grandparents?

ivykaty44 Sun 27-Sep-15 16:19:45

You can apply for a copy of the death certificate - death could have been felt with by the coroner if it is a sudden death but it is unlikely you would be able to have any access to paperwork as you are not a relative or next of kin

Try local newspapers?

Whoknewitcouldbeso Sun 27-Sep-15 16:21:20

Might it be a light in the darkness if his parents knew he had a son?

FadedRed Sun 27-Sep-15 16:30:01

Difficult situation for you and your Dc, Op. flowers
Not sure if this is something you have already considered, or even if it is tactful to say this, but here goes anyway.
I have no idea about the legalities here, and there hopefully will be someone come along to this thread who does know, but if Dc's father is acknowledged in law to be his father iyswim, there might be inheritance issues, especially if he died intestate, which at a young age is a possibility?
You maybe need to get some advice about this.

BrookeDavies Sun 27-Sep-15 16:36:25

As faded says, your DS would absolutely have a claim under the 1975 Inheritance Act regardless of whether he had a Will. As you were receiving maintenance your claim is very strong. It may not be tactful to think about but now, but it does need to be something that's done reasonably soon. Also just to note, your DS is a next of kin even if you're not.

ivykaty44 Sun 27-Sep-15 16:41:19

As a dependant your DS has a right to be provided for and legally there is a strong case that this would fall to an inheritance rather than the government

clam Sun 27-Sep-15 17:15:15

How old is your son? Do you know why your ex didn't inform his parents? Would that reason still stand, in light of his death?

As someone else has pointed out, to know they have a grandson might be a source of comfort to them. And, the issue of a possible inheritance, whilst it sounds distasteful, has to be considered. Even though you might not be interested, your son has rights here, and it is your job as his mum to protect his interests.

Tutt Sun 27-Sep-15 17:21:08

Was he a married man OP? If not unless there is a very, very good reason then I think I'd be inclined to approuch (gently) his family.

clam Sun 27-Sep-15 17:29:53

Or maybe there's a third party who could gently inform them, leave them time to absorb the news and then forward your details to them.

Although the inheritance issue is separate, and you ought perhaps to quietly start making enquiries about that.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sun 27-Sep-15 17:31:09

Op that sounds horrible, it must be such a shock for you. I'm so sorry for your DS.

A similar thing happened to dh, he was a carer for his Mum who had MS from the age of 9 until he was 15, she got much worse and didn't recognise him, and he was arrested several times for being in his own home as his Mum didn't know who he was.

Due to this, he went to live with his father and his mother's sister and mother organised her nursing home. They blamed dh for having to do this, and for losing money from her house which was sold to pay for her care. They refused to disclose where she was, and I discovered over the internet she had died in 2004. He doesn't even know where she was buried, and if there was anything left of her estate it must have been claimed by them.

You absolutely can get a copy of the death certificate, I hope it will help explain to your son what happened to his father and spare him what dh went through. I hope you might be able to track down one of his friends who might have a chat with DS about his dad without alerting his family? Also check YouTube and social media for pictures and videos of him, it may be painful for you but it would be a chance for DS to see him.
Again, I'm so sorry for you and DS having to go through this.

Fyaral Sun 27-Sep-15 17:46:27

Why not contact his parents? Was he married?

goawayalready Sun 27-Sep-15 17:51:45

is he on the birth certificate?

MagpieCursedTea Sun 27-Sep-15 18:21:31

I got a copy of my Dad's birth Mother's death certificate. I had a pay a fee but I didn't need to prove any sort of relationship to her in order to get it.

lunar1 Sun 27-Sep-15 19:54:18

Chances are they know about your ds now, whoever goes through his things will anyway. You need to put your ds first and make sure any inheritance is shared with him.

clam Sun 27-Sep-15 20:01:14

Actually, that's a good point. Somewhere in his papers there will be reference to a regular csa payment.

Artandco Sun 27-Sep-15 20:05:08

Yep, they will know about the csa payments from bank details when someone looks through them, so presumably they might actually want to know about son?

How old is your son? Did he used to see his father?

Soloment Sun 27-Sep-15 20:14:09

Hi op. Does his name by any chance start with a C? If so, pm me smile

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sun 27-Sep-15 20:18:23

Well someone has told the CSA. We may be tempted to think that one department would automatically communicate a death to another department, but that's not how it happens IME.

What a shock for you OP.

starlight2007 Sun 27-Sep-15 20:20:16

I would focus on yourselves at this point..

I had to contact police as I thought an accident could of been my exh..I can completely understand your mixed up emotions.

goawayalready Sun 27-Sep-15 20:21:25

according to direct gov csa is not covered under "tell us once" so its not automatically informed someone has told them

megletthesecond Sun 27-Sep-15 22:17:28

I think that once the bank account is closed it would automatically flag up as a deceased person to the csa, it gets its own code. We see similar banking reports at work, I assume it's just the process of closing a bank account.

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