I feel invisible. I used to have a good job, active social life, friends I laughed with. Now thanks to the unexpected circumstances which resulted in me being lone parent, I haven't worked for yrs, have no social life as my family aren't local & can't or won't mind my children for a few hrs without a huge hoo-ha and point blank refuse overnight, I can't remember the last time I had a proper belly ache laugh with friends as lot fell off the radar when life became 'complicated' and those friends I do see once every few months its like a data exchange of what we've all been up to, not fun frivolous chat.
I'm normally accepting about it. I'd rather this life with my kids, than my old life without them, despite the amount of crap on my plate. Because they are everything to me & I am important to my children.
But not tonight.
Tonight on a late school pick up due to after school clubs, my kids know there's no time to waste. I picked them up & they were mucking about with friends whose mother has a husband at home prepping dinner & they live nr school. I get that they wouldn't have understand this. But when I could see the other mother was stopping for a chat with other parents and we needed to go I called my children over to go and they completely ignored me. Like not once but between them about 6-7 times. They only came then because the other mother gathered her kids (by calling them once natch). This continued all the walk we shared together, my kids walking near road edge I say move away from road they ignore til other mother asks, it was like this til we went our separate ways. There was no malice in my children behavior, they just completely ignored me & almost everything I said. My only purpose was carrying their bags & coats.
We got home 20 mins late which matters when you have to cook, hear 2 read etc. and you're already an hr behind after club. I felt like crying because it was all from my children ignoring me. Is it that they don't respect me? Or so used to me running around after them & putting their needs first I've taught them I don't matter?
Tonight feels extreme but things like this happen all the time, if I speak to ask stuff they ignore me, if I shout they respond but get upset. I try never to shout at them in front of their friends as I don't want to embarrass or humiliate them. Maybe they know this & are taking advantage out & about.
I shouted a lot back at home about how their behaviour towards me was rude & disrespectful, how I'd never have dared to treat my mum like that & how I deserve to be listened to, spoken back to & obeyed. My children are still infant school ffs, if they think I'm irrelevant now what hope have got for keeping them safe in the teenage yrs.
I don't know if this even makes sense to anyone else. It's not about my children, kids will be kids, its partly how utterly worthless I felt being ignored by them and done so publicly tonight. And partly what I've done or not done to make them think this is an OK way to treat me.
Times like this I really wish there was a loving father about to support their understanding of how we should treat each other & stick up for me when they treat me badly like this ignoring me. Just feel like my children view me as a joke tonight & they are my world so its a pretty crappy feeling.
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
Feeling like a spare part in my own life.
wheresmyfairygodmother · 22/09/2015 21:55
It totally makes sense to me 
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I get the sinking feeling of having to rush and miss chats because you have to single handedly feed / homework and bedtime the dc's. And mine generally ignore me until I bellow at them. It's all consuming and you don't have anyone to share stress with at the end of the day.
I do work p/t so the dc's do see that mummy has other responsibilities but they know they can break me and I will give in to demands when I'm shattered (all the time!).
We have a long 'sharing the burdens' thread on lp's whixh you are welcome to join as a sounding board. There's a lot of stuff that we all seem to assume are just our crap, when it actually happens to all of us.
hi - others have talked about other stuff and i don't have long to post but can i make one suggestion? please don't carry their bags and coats.
make that the first step in respect for you and all taking their part. my son and i had a chat about this just the other day (he's now 8.5) - about how i'd basically never carried his school bag and how shocking it was seeing kids just shove their stuff at their mums as if they were donkeys there to carry their stuff without so much as a hello.
this was in the context of him being proud that he was managing to carry quite a heavy item home from the shops and us having a conversation about us being a team. i was making explicit to him that i wanted him to be able feel pride like that and that i believed pride and self esteem and confidence came from being able to do things for yourself and contribute to what life takes to work.
i do NOT want to give you the impression our life works that smoothly all the time or we're a little haven of bliss 
definitely not! it was just one of those golden moments. but i did deliberately choose not to be one of those mum's who allows the bags and coats to be shoved at me. you are NOT a donkey and you're children are not incapable of carrying their own stuff.
let it be the change that comes out of this scene and sticks.
honey I feel like a donkey on the school run. I suppose I'm so desperate to get to school without tantrums so I can get to work on time that I will carry the lot for some peace. I'll remember your wise words and try and change it .
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
flower I went out last December and I'm going out this December. Hard core hedonist me 
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OP, it could just be their enjoyment of being with others that made them take no notice. It wouldn't have been malicious.
With regard to having to rush to do things, do things differently and relax a bit. Whether you make one night a takeaway night or batch cook, it would help take the pressure off a bit, you could have something ready to shove in the oven as soon as you get in the door, or use a slow cooker and have tea ready and waiting to be served the instant you step through the door. Meal planning helps
Isolation wise, people don't seem to get it. My own friends don't even seem to realise that I don't see any of them
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OP, I feel you and feel so much like this myself.
I love my DC's, but sometimes it feels like what is left of my identity is lost somehow.
I struggle to have a conversation with grown ups 
I'm spent from bellowing which I hate doing, but my DC's seemingly don't listen to me otherwise much of the time.
Equally, every cuddle makes the stars come out. Every smile makes the sun rise - well, not exactly. Yet on the worst days, it only takes a minute to be reminded that it's all worth it. 
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