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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Double Barreling childs name though the courts UK

37 replies

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 13:40

Hi,

I'm just after some advice and other mums experiences.

My child is 2, me and her father have never been together but he is on the birth certificate and she has his surname.

We have previously been to mediation regarding access and her name change, lets just say it was a waste of time. he currently has her every other weekend sat/sun. He keeps threatening to take me to court for more access which i believe he is sorting out soon.

i am going to move back to my home town (2 hours away) simply as i have no family or support here other than friends. i want to double barrel her name so she has a link to both families. i do not want to remove his name. he is flat out refusing saying she will be picked on when she goes to school.

i have the court forms to send in and will be representing myself (he will have solicitor) anyway to get to the point has anyone has sucess or been refused to double barrel their childs name at court?

OP posts:

Report

Floggingmolly · 10/09/2015 13:51

You need court approval to double barrel your child's name?? . Are you sure about that?

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 14:13

Yes as he has PR I have to have his consent. He is just letting his pride get in the way I suspect

OP posts:

Bellemere · 10/09/2015 14:17

You would need to apply for a specific issue order. I have experience of this being successful but you would need to argue why it would benefit the child to change her name. Having a link to both families is not necessarily sufficient however you obviously have more chance of success wanting to double barrel than attempting to just change it to your name.
What are his reasons against the change?

Bellemere · 10/09/2015 14:40

I imagine you would also be asked to explain why, if you were never together, she wasn't given a double barrelled name when her birth was registered. What's changed to make you want to include your name?

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 17:38

We had a good friendly relationship to begin with but it has broken down to the point he just tries to bully me and sends me messages telling me he has no respect for me, I'm an awful mother, he is going to make my life shit etc alao me and his family have no kind of relationship so I don't get support from them anymore. I have been trying to get him to let me change her name since about 5 months old.
I am moving home purely as I can't take the stress where I live at home anymore and want the support of my family. I would like her to have half my name just so she has like with my family in the community were she is going to grow up.

OP posts:

Bellemere · 10/09/2015 18:36

Okay, those reasons are about you. You can't change your daughters name for reasons that are about you. For the court to accept it, you need to come up with child focused reasons.

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 18:55

I think wanting her to have the part of the same name as the family and community she lives in and is surrounded in is all about her. She won't ever feel left out or like the only one with her name in the family/communiy.
Her fathers reasons for not allowing it are so she won't get picked on which the mediator already said was not a valid reason not to allow it and there is no evidence of.
I think there is nothing wrong with out child sharing both our names Nd can't think of any valid reasons against it

OP posts:

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 18:56

Do you have personal or professional experience with such cases?

OP posts:

Bellemere · 10/09/2015 19:41

Personal. In my case, it was only granted because the parent the child lived with was trying to undermine the child's relationship with the other parent. The children were said to have been negatively impacted so the change of name was done to restore the link.

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 20:18

I'm not trying to undermine her relationship with her father he has regular acess and is an ok father. I just think there is nothing wrong with having both your parents names.

OP posts:

Bellemere · 10/09/2015 20:20

I wasn't implying you were - I was just trying to point out that getting the courts to change the child's name, even when you're double barreling it, is not straight forward.

Deniece2015 · 10/09/2015 20:39

I didn't think it was going to be easy or straight forward as it is an important decision I just am going into a bit blind. Thanks for the advice, I think might need to have a good think about how to get across my reasons

OP posts:

citybumpkin · 04/12/2015 11:04

Can't you include your surname (or his) as her middle name?

Sunbeam1112 · 20/12/2015 10:06

I get that you want to have some link to yourself and family. I was the same with my ex and he said he would add name then went back on it. In a sense i was being a little selfish for my own needs as i wanted to have the connection to my DS. Even at school the teacher call me mrs ( exs surname) which annoys me. I'm married and my DS asked to changes his surname to ours. We told him he wasn't old enough to make that decision. He even went and asked his dad, who was hurt. Hes only 7 but if he feels the same at 16 he can make an informed choice no influences from me or ex.

megletthesecond · 21/12/2015 20:04

I've looked into this and apparently there's a chance of a court allowing a mums surname to be added one a child is a teen. My dc's are peeved they don't have my surname too but they've got to wait for a few more years yet.

The law needs changing so double barrelling is easier, especially in the case of a totally absent parent.

AliceInUnderpants · 22/12/2015 11:46

If you had been together as a couple, would you have wanted to double barrel the surnames?
I'm afraid it does really sound like you want her to have your name as you're pissed off (understandably) with him.

chantico · 22/12/2015 13:19

Remember this could also end up in court with him seeking to prevent his child moving so far away from where she is settledl and where all of you have supportive friends.

ittooshallpass · 28/12/2015 10:00

Why don't you just give your child a 'known as' surname?.

No need to go to court.

My dd has her dad's surname legally but uses my surname at school.

Dd dad not particularly happy about it, but as his contact is sporadic to say the least, it makes it a lot easier for Dd and I to have the same surname.

It was simple to do... just fill in 'known as' section of registration forms at school. Done.

Whenever we are at Dr or nurses etc go into school she uses her legal name. Her legal name is also on her passport.

When she's older she can choose the name she wants to use.

Fourormore · 28/12/2015 10:52

It is not legal to do that. The school should not allow it.

ittooshallpass · 30/12/2015 20:23

It is an option at any school to use a 'known as' alias for your child.

There is no legal/ illegal aspect to it. The name hasn't been changed. The name on the birth certificate is still used for all items such as passport, dentist, Dr visits, etc...

Having a 'known as' means my dd and I can have the same name. This helps her (and I) at school. My dd very rarely sees her dad and did not want his surname.

A deputy head friend I know in another school told me about the 'known as' option.
All schools offer it... If you ask. It has really helped my dd who was very upset at having a different name to me.

Fourormore · 30/12/2015 22:42

Are you somewhere other than England & Wales, ittoo? There is indeed a legal aspect to it.

AndNowItsSeven · 30/12/2015 22:48

There is no legal aspect to be "known as" in an English school.

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ittooshallpass · 31/12/2015 01:29

I'm in England. As pp said, there is no legal aspect to using 'known as'.

Fourormore · 31/12/2015 11:09

Yes, there is. A child has to be registered at their school and doctors in their legal name. Also, if the other parent did not want you to use a known as name in other situations, they can apply for a prohibited steps order.

AndNowItsSeven · 31/12/2015 11:17

Yes you register at school in the child's legal name. However known as is in a register is no different from using Jones rather than legal name Smith as there is using Katie rather than legal name Katherine.

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