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Irresponsible parenting from ex husband - am I being unreasonable?

(9 Posts)
MrsL10 Mon 07-Sep-15 20:35:19

Please let me know what you think?
My son is 14, and see's his dad 2 or 3 nights a week. However on the days my ex husbands has his son he repeatedly drops him off at my house - without asking for the whole day - picking him up sometimes after 9pm (this has become quite prevalent during the holidays) . Often I'm not home ( partly because I work away when I don't have my son - arranging my diary purposely in this way- and partly because I stay with my new partner when I can). This weekend my son and his friend has two days of the house to themselves!
Despite my request to ex husband to have the courtesy to ask if I'm home before he drops my son off I cant seem to get him to take his responsibilities seriously. He says at 14 our son is old enough to arrange his own social life, and as he checked with our son, he thought it would be OK, and how can he possibly be held responsible.
I have pressed the matter of safety and welfare but to no avail. I have stressed that I am happy for our son to stay here as much as possible and to help him out whenever I can but to just drop him off without checking that I'm around, on his allocated days is not acceptable.
It is difficult because I never want to make my son feel he is not welcome in his own home, but I also feel at 14 - soon to be 15 - he needs parenting that gives him boundaries, rather than a free to do as you like parenting style.
Although this is not about finance - my ex husband also claims tax credits ( he works part time) and family allowance - so effectively he is paid for something he isn't doing.
Suggestions on how I can handle this would be most welcome.
Thanks

OP’s posts: |
cestlavielife Tue 08-Sep-15 12:13:05

if it is just in the day time then i dont see an issue really other than it being annoying. at 14 it's fine for them to be left alone on day time....why cant they stay in the day at dad's place though? ie make sure he is in charge of food and drink.

BertrandRussell Tue 08-Sep-15 12:15:14

Sorry- I don't see the problem. Am I missing something?

titchy Tue 08-Sep-15 12:36:25

I think OP is saying ex drops kid at home when OP is away for the night, leaving kid, plus friends, home alone overnight.

fuzzywuzzy Tue 08-Sep-15 12:50:50

If it's overnight take it further.

If it's just for daytimes then pick your battles,

Is contact formalised?

biscuitkumquat Tue 08-Sep-15 12:53:45

If you're uncomfortable with this OP (& its your house, so your rules), can you just take your son's key from him, and let his Father know that your son can no longer get into the house when you're not there?

PosterEh Tue 08-Sep-15 13:00:12

Why doesn't he stay at his dad's house during the day when his dad has contact?

PosterEh Tue 08-Sep-15 13:01:58

I don't think it's that irresponsible at 14 but why should it be your house he's left at?

BertrandRussell Tue 08-Sep-15 13:09:47

"If you're uncomfortable with this OP (& its your house, so your rules), can you just take your son's key from him, and let his Father know that your son can no longer get into the house when you're not there?"

Yeah- that's really going to make the boy feel wonderful! hmm has he not got a phone?

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