I've had enough

[numberseventeen]

I need to do something but I've no idea what. I'll be as brief as possible.
Dc is 4, quite a sensitive little chap. Separated from ex for more than 3 years. I think it's relevant to state he is narcissistic.

His bullying and fecklessness led to court(my doing) after which things improved and we are now on talking terms but as a narc it is very very difficult to get along with ex.

Ds does not want to stay overnight, I can count on one hand the number of times over the last 2 years where he has gone truly happily to ex.

Ex cancels his overnights at his leisure for social occasions and refuses to accept that this does not help ds at all- as stated its almost impossible to reason with him.

It's gotten to the point where I need to stop this upset for ds, it's absolutely awful and I do literally everything I can in my power to make the visits positive.

Ex takes no responsibility for anything really, he is lazy and selfish but insists on "his rights as a father".
He is on birth certificate and there are currently no court orders.

Do I refer to mediation? He has refused to attend in past, most likely would again but there's no point whatsoever in holding any kind of discussion with him alone.

I don't want to force ds to go overnight, he gains nothing from it whatsoever- there are other factors which come into play but hopefully I've summarised situation.

I will take it back to court if absolutely necessary, is there any other way to successfully co parent with such an unreasonable person??

[Bellemere]

You can, but if it goes back to court you stand very little chance of getting an order for no overnight contact unless your ex is a risk to your child.

How is your child during contact? Distress at handover is extremely common.

[numberseventeen]

He often asks for me, I've been called to pick him up on many occasions.

I'm angry that ex is happy to say no to overnight when it suits but then literally demands it as his right. There's no consistency whatsoever and it really affects ds.
I've tried so many times to explain this to ex, ds needs a good solid routine, but it falls on deaf ears. Or I get accused of being jealous of his social life

[BlackeyedSusan]

if he went through the court process for overnights, ds would be a bit older and abit more able to cope with them by the time they were arranged.

try for mediation.

record all the times he does not turn up or cancels overnights. on the plus side, he is calling you to get him. he could be keeping him and letting him cry continuously or getting cross with him for crying. . ideally he would be keeping him and comforting him.

[numberseventeen]

Thank you. There are other issues which need to be sorted. The last thing I want is people thinking I just don't want him to see him out of spite, thats really not the case.
I'd like nothing more than for ds to go off happily, have loads of fun and come back the next day. It just doesn't happen, for so many reasons and I don't feel like I can just sit back anymore.