Talk

Advanced search

Should I add my baby's dad to the birth certificate?

(10 Posts)
sarah00001 Sun 09-Aug-15 20:13:35

Hi, I could really use some advice. I need to register my child's birth next week, before the 6 week deadline. I split up with my baby's dad several months ago but we've still been in contact. He's been round to see her most nights and has helped me with a few things like shopping, somewhat reluctantly. My ex has a lot of issues and suffers depression and can be very aggressive. He hasn't hurt me physically but has punched holes in walls. He can also be very controlling and manipulative. I've tried to see if we can patch things up and done my very best, but we simply cannot get on. I would like to move away up north to be near my sister but he said if I do so, he will seek an injunction from the courts to stop me from moving. He also said he will go to court to get joint custody of our child.

I can't bear the thought of having to share custody of our child. He is very unstable and irresponsible. He has a drink problem and has driven drunk in the past. He thinks he's always right and won't listen to anyone else. He doesn't care about things like hygiene, about cooking food properly, he thinks its fine to fall asleep on the sofa with a baby etc. Please don't criticise me for having a child with this man in the first place, I know how foolish I've been but as incredible as it is, I once loved this man.

If I add his name to my child's birth certificate he will automatically have parental rights and that terrifies me. If I leave it off, he can go to court to request that he be added and a DNA test will prove he is the child's father. So do I add him or leave him off? I would be grateful for some advice.

Thank you

Sarah

LIZS Sun 09-Aug-15 20:16:18

Were you married? Otherwise he'd need to be at the registration for you to have him officially recorded.

sarah00001 Sun 09-Aug-15 20:21:08

No we're not married. I know I can go by myself to register the birth and I can choose not to add him. I'm just worried about what the repercussions will be if I don't add him. I'm not saying I want him to be left off to be mean, I am genuinely concerned about the welfare of my daughter if he were to get joint custody.

Bellebella Sun 09-Aug-15 20:28:05

For me it depends, if you have that many fears about him as a parent then why is he allowed around the baby at all?

I have to be honest, I think a father has to be really bad and a genuiene threat to the child for me to agree with a father unknown and it because of my own experience so I am bias.

My mum did not put my father on my BC because they split up and did not get on. He was a good father really, and he died when I was 10. Now there is no way to put him on it and I have to walk around with father unknown even though I did know my father and he was a good one.

So diffo think about it and make sure you do it for the right reasons. Has he tried to change his drinking, and problems since the baby was born?

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 09-Aug-15 22:55:03

Is he asking to go with you?
If you don't put him on he can apply to the courts to gain parental responsibility so not putting him will not prevent contact in the long term.

starlight2007 Sun 09-Aug-15 22:58:50

Can I just say..It isn't father unknown it is left blank.

Nope I wouldn't have him put on BC..

There is a huge difference between not getting on and not been a good father.

i think some of it is not his responsibility , for example shopping ( though would be nice) if you are struggling to get out.Can I recommend intent shopping.

As for shared custody...That is not going to happen to a newborn baby unless there is a reason you are not coping.

You are right he can go to court and get PR easily enough if he is bothered too.

Do you think these things are threats or would he go to the trouble to go to court? He would have to self fund.

I think you need to separate the 2.. what he needs to do as a parent and how you can manage been civil

Goodbetterbest Mon 10-Aug-15 12:45:36

No. Don't put him on at this stage. If you are terrified at the thought of sharing PR with him, then don't do it.

It is very easy to add him later on. You just go together and do it. (Unless the system has changed since I did it).

Buy yourself some time.

justjuanmorebeer Mon 10-Aug-15 16:28:01

In your situation I would not put him on at this time. Wait and see if he actually pulls his finger out and does anything to make that happen.

As others have said he can apply for it himself.

One thing I am unsure of here though is about maintenence that he will be required to pay you. I have no idea if it is enforcable if the father does not have PR. Can anyone advise on that?

learnsomethingnew Mon 10-Aug-15 18:57:26

Yes you still get maintenance if he isn't on the bc. Many red flags here I wouldn't put him on. In fact i would be keeping my life separate from his completely if you're not together. You'll be fine trust me.

sarah00001 Mon 10-Aug-15 22:39:43

Thank you all for your replies. I've decided I'll go alone to register the birth and just add my name to the birth certificate, with a view that I would be prepared to add him at a later date if his behaviour significantly improved.

I've been trying to contact him over another matter- I need to have him removed from the lease of the house I rent, since he no longer lives here and doesn't pay rent. To get him removed, he needs to inform the property management company, but so far he hasn't done it and until he does so his name stays on the lease and he still has a legal right to access the property. He's not returned any of my texts/calls about the matter and I knew he'd do this, as he's trying to be difficult and he enjoys the power and the fact he has a hold over me. If he can behave like it over a lease, then god knows how difficult he'd be when it came to our child if he were to have parental rights. He is constantly playing stupid, childish games with the intent to hurt me as much as possible. I know that if he isn't added to the bc, he'll kick up a massive fuss, be vile to me etc but the thought of him having parental rights scares the hell out of me right now.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now