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Ex not replying to solicitors

(7 Posts)
Sohieatkins21 Thu 06-Aug-15 21:51:04

My ex partner has stopped replying both to the solicitors and to me and I would like some advice about what to do next. We were not married and at the moment he has regular fortnightly contact with our son and pays the bare minimum maintenance based on CSA calculations - though this is done on an agreement between ourselves as we would both lose out if the CSA were involved. I am trying to get a formal agreement with regard to contact time, school holidays, Christmas holidays etc but he has refused to reply to the last two solicitors letters and hasn't even replied to my email asking him to respond to them. I appreciate that he is more than likely doing this because he knows it will both wind me up and cost more money but I wondered if anybody has any good advice about what I can do next? I don't want to go down the mediation route because it isn't legally binding and I need something which is - hence going through the solicitors. Shall I just stop trying to get him to respond and instead instruct the solicitors to apply to the court or what? Any helpful hints greatly appreciated.

starlight2007 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:16:31

What are you asking for..Do you know what he wants? A Sols letter is not more legally binding than mediation..

How long have you been seperated?

Are you asking for him to have the children and he doesn't want to?

Sohieatkins21 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:52:58

I am asking to set down an agreement over contact time with our son so that we both know which school holidays we each spend with our son etc. My aim is that once we have come to an agreement, the solicitor draws up a legal agreement that we both have to stick to. We have been separated nearly two years now.

Bellemere Fri 07-Aug-15 08:38:12

A court won't make an order unless they have to. If you're both in agreement, they won't have to make an order so the no order principle applies.

If he won't communicate, I'd just pick the holidays I wanted and tell him he could have the rest. He'd probably pull his finger out to argue his side then.

starlight2007 Fri 07-Aug-15 14:16:25

Do you think he doesn't want to have DC over the holidays ? What have you done so far with holidays?

Sohieatkins21 Fri 07-Aug-15 19:28:08

The problem is that we cannot agree about holidays, birthdays, Christmas etc which is why we have this stalemate. He wants to arrange holidays ad hoc each year but from previous experience I know that he won't tell me which weeks he is having off until the last minute. For example I only knew that he was expecting to have our son at Easter 3 hours before he turned up to collect him! Given that I have to arrange alternative childcare because I have to work full time, I need a lot more than three hours notice if I am going to find a childminder over a school holiday. If I pre-book childcare then don't use it, I still have to pay and if I don't book any then find that I need it because the ex has let me down, I am left struggling to find anybody with vacancies at such short notice. Not to mention the damage it is doing to our son, not knowing where he is going to be and when. He says he wants to see our son but he is also enjoying having his freedom back!

starlight2007 Fri 07-Aug-15 20:35:56

Do you know what I would do make an offer for contact..Tell him if he has any objections he needs to make an arrangement or attend mediation. I can completely understand why this is unacceptable.

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