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Daughter did not want to go to exes for the holidays today- feeling so upset.

(11 Posts)
ROZ12 Thu 06-Aug-15 21:41:43

Hi all

Just wanted a shoulder to cry on. Should we force our children to visit the ex for holidays ? Ex has court order for half holidays which was made when daughter was 8 years old. Daughter is now 12.5 and has opinions . She just doesn't like going to her dads anymore and is forced by the court order. She is a tween just likes to be at mine. She finds the long weekends and holidays too long especially now that she has started an academic high school and likes routine .

She is scared to tell dad and if I say anything he gets defensive says he loves it at his . Daughter hates the step mum and half siblings . It's to do with fact she feels she can't be herself there and has no bedroom either .

Can a court contact order be reviewed and overturned?

It breaks my heart my daughter is in tears when she has to go and is getting depressed . It is affecting her studies and giving her sleepless nights.

Surely a judge won't force a child to visit dad of she is getting upset?

Advice wanted.

starlight2007 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:30:33

Roz.. Your posts pop up every once in a while.

Always tend to be on the same subject. Have you tried mediation with your ex...I am aware Cafcass spoke to your DD not so long ago... what was the result of that?

Fairylea Thu 06-Aug-15 22:36:48

I have no idea about the legal side of things so I would say you should see a solicitor and ask if the court order can be reviewed. On a personal level I remember being told that they do take children's views into account from about 11 onwards.

My dd is 12 and her dad lives in the USA. He always used to have her for half the holidays when he lived over here and when he moved there for the first few years he came over here to come and get her and take her back there for 3 weeks..this is the first year she's decided she doesn't want to do that. Like your dd her friends and home are here and that's that. She told her dad she isn't going and of course he can't physically force her onto a plane (!)So she's stayed here.

It's very difficult. I feel sorry for my ex too as I know he would love to spend more time with her but at 12 it's really up to her what she chooses to do with her summer. All parents take second fiddle at that age.

ROZ12 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:58:58


Yes ongoing issues ex does not want to mediate and cafcass officer only dealt with issue of an application made by ex to get Thursday overnights . That was unsuccessful not daughter wants to Thursday contact as its disrupting her education.

What do I do?

No money for solicitor.

ROZ12 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:59:56

But it's a court order I have to force my daughter to go. My ex forces her too to go to him . She is too scared to say no.

Bellemere Fri 07-Aug-15 08:35:07

If your husband won't go to mediation then your only option is to apply for a variation. Her wishes and feelings are likely to be taken into account given her age however her welfare is the primary consideration and while there may be overlaps, they are different things.

Don't forget children often tell both parents different things. It's pretty obvious that you are not keen on her seeing her dad so perhaps she's picking up on that and telling you what you want to hear, and then doing the same with her dad who is perhaps overly defensive?

She hates her siblings? That doesn't sound healthy - what's going on there?

Ivegottogo Fri 07-Aug-15 08:43:54

I have had my dc point blank refuse to go. You can't physically force them so they stay at home.

In my case ex is hurt but doesn't push it.

Yes you will have to get legal advice. What is the least she would be happy with?

ROZ12 Fri 07-Aug-15 09:35:22

It is not true that i don't want to let her see dad. Seeing dad gives me free time and allows me to work and manage my annual leave . I always encoueagemcontact and push her to go such as when she went yesterday .

Not liking her siblings is not healthy they are just rulers of the house and my daughter is shy and quiet at there house, she says she acts differently there even told the cafcass officer this .

Father will force her out thevhouse and she is terrified and will do as he says .

Legal advice no money??

Fairylea Fri 07-Aug-15 10:17:30

Have you tried googling the Coram children's law centre? Sometimes they can give you free legal advice. I've used them before.

Fairylea Fri 07-Aug-15 10:18:11

ROZ12 Fri 07-Aug-15 11:00:48

Thank you so much will do .

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