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what do i do?

(30 Posts)
traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 18:30:54

My ex is refusing to take anything to do with our son (hes disputing he is the father), he hasnt met him and i dont think he will as he hasnt spoken to me since i was 4 months pregnant. I text him the other day since we had got our csa packs through saying i wouldnt stop him seeing his son if he wanted to and got an essay back
He says that i have no right to name his as DS's dad when i was sleeping with a bus driver and an alcoholic. I dont know any alcoholics personally nor slept with any bus drivers
That i lied about being on contraception (i was on the pill and he didnt use condoms)and was on fertility tablets to deliberately get pregnant. I had 3 months on clomid for pcos which he knew about. Might add here that he gave me herpes and yet i was the one at fault yet he had been on a swinging site meeting others.
He says that i have ruined the family life he has with his sons from his ex wife and has spoken to a laywer about raising a civil action against me and has asked for access to my medical records to back him up in court as well as my social media and texts etc and he has people known to me who will testify... everyone i know hates him so no clue who hes got there. Also that i had no right to continue the pregnancy as i have no means to support a child as im on benefits. He says ive never to speak or see him again, i have no intention of but what do i do when my DS is growing up? What if he hates me for his dad not being there? sad

iluvshoes Sun 02-Aug-15 19:36:42

God how hard and horrid for you. Do you have lots of family and freinds who can help support you? He just sounds like a very scared little man who reacts by chucking lots of abuse at you. My son doesnt really see his dad that often but does have me backing him all the way. My outlook is its better to have one parent who steps up at all times. Children are very good at making up their own mind and as long as you are honest then thats all you can do.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 02-Aug-15 19:42:12

fill in the csa (cms) form and let him pay for a dna test if he disputes it.

wait to see if he is really going to court and do not fret until it happens.

anyone who believes his lies is not worth bothering about anyway as they are not true friends. (easier said than done) you do not have to justify yourself.

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 19:53:34

blackeyedsusan ive filled the csa forms in and my case has started they will be phoning me back on wednesday. Regarding court he can bring it ahead i have nothing to hide or fear. I thankfully have a great support network and all my friends and family despise him

iluvshoes Sun 02-Aug-15 20:01:09

Good luck with the csa x

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 20:09:26

Thank you iluvshoes even if i dont get maintenance from him at least i have tried.

butterflygirl15 Sun 02-Aug-15 20:12:31

Stop speaking or engaging with him. Block him everywhere on your phone, online. And make sure your own Facebook has the highest privacy settings. He is doing his utmost to rattle you - and it is working. Your DS will thank you for him never seeing him if he is going to treat you both like that.

And claim the maintenance. You cannot force him to have contact with his son - his threats are worthless and are designed to scare you into submission. He has no reason to take you to court for anything - why would he? What 'civil action' does he think he can bring against you I wonder??

enderwoman Sun 02-Aug-15 20:13:22

Just do nothing. He sounds like a disgusting man who is panicking and spouting any random shit that comes out his mouth.
If he takes you to court let him humiliate himself in front of a judge and waste his money on nonsense.

ImperialBlether Sun 02-Aug-15 20:17:05

He sounds unhinged. Go through CSA and make him pay whatever he needs to pay. Keep your child away from his poison.

Have to say I laughed at the bit about the bus driver - what the hell is he on about?

Taylor22 Sun 02-Aug-15 20:23:06

What a twunt. Don't let him get away with not paying. Stay open and honest with your son (not to the point of going into micro details) tell him you've never stopped his father from seeing him and that its been his choice not to have contact. Then when you believe he is old enough if he wants to hand him his details and let him decide if he wants to make contact.

enderwoman Sun 02-Aug-15 20:26:07

The more I think about it, the crazier your ex seems. He wants to sue you because he didn't use a condom and your birth control failed? confused

Is your ex an alcoholic bus driver by any chance?

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 20:32:35

The bus driver came about because my friend and i had went to a theme park last year and the bus driver had been flirting with me and asked for my number and because of this ive slept with him confused. And the alcoholic is an ex who i went to college with who im still friends with today. How can he take a civil action against me if he used no protection? I dont get that. My cousin thinks that he is saying all this to push me into closing my case which isnt going to happen

butterflygirl15 Sun 02-Aug-15 20:34:24

I don't understand what action he can take against you? Honestly - just ignore him. He is talking utter shite. But do keep a copy of his abusive rantings. You may want to report those to the police if they continue. Then he will be in trouble for harassment.

And whatever you do continue with the maintenance claim. Even if he refuses to see his child he still needs to pay maintenance. The 2 are totally separate.

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 20:37:32

From what he had wrote it sounds like hes trying to make out that ive tricked him into getting me pregnant. Yet he used to joke if he really wanted to he could get me pregnant...

butterflygirl15 Sun 02-Aug-15 20:47:19

so how could he take you to court for getting pregnant - to what end I wonder? His threats are utterly ludicrous!

bestguess23 Sun 02-Aug-15 20:51:05

Don't speak to him, let it go through the CSA. If he disputes paternity, a paternity test will reeducate him! Don't force contact, your ds had you and that is a million times better than a loser father.

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 20:51:49

I certainly didnt force him to sleep with me thats for sure. He is finally having to facw upto things and is spitting his dummy out the pram about it all. How he cant just be adult and mature about things i dont know

starlight2007 Sun 02-Aug-15 21:30:00

Another block all contact..
It will not get better when he recieves papers from CMS...I agree with your cousin ..He wants you to close the case..

Be grateful he doesn't want contact.

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 21:39:28

I can now see that it may well be better all round that he has walked away. I cant change the fact he is my sons father much as i may wish to but he deserves so much better than my ex and ill do all i can to raise him to be a decent person

butterflygirl15 Sun 02-Aug-15 22:01:55

yes you cannot force him to be a father - but do continue with the CMS for maintenance.

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 22:21:59

I wasnt going to bother with maintenance but im glad i did

FeelTheNoise Sun 02-Aug-15 22:46:03

If it was possible for reluctant fathers to prosecute the mothers of their children, there would be so many of us in trouble wink

learnsomethingnew Sun 02-Aug-15 22:53:39

Seriously for your own sake block him on EVERYTHING as others have said. Go no contact FOREVER! Trust me its the only way. Your baby will thank you that you didn't expose him to that circus. As for denying paternity, let him! CSA will offer him a dna and if he refuses he will be classed as admitting he is the father. If he takes a DNA he will be charged for the test once it comes back. He's onto a lose/lose situation and he knows it! Thats why he's threatening you. Please please for your own sake and sanity never engage with this man again. If he wants contact do it through solicitors and contact centres. What he's done is abuse and the healthiest way to stop that is refuse all contact with him no matter what he says. Trust me, been there.......

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 22:56:04

Can just see it now... why are you suing traceybaybee? Your honour id like to sue traceybaybee for a bc fail but i didnt wear a condom but thats not the problem haha grin

traceybaybee Sun 02-Aug-15 23:06:42

He says he is 50 50 the wee man is his but he doesnt want a dna test which to me says i dont want to admit im the father. Any sane guy who was doubting they were the father would want to take the test to get a defintive answer surely?

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