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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Single mum inertia?!

17 replies

Brownsofa · 02/08/2015 12:25

Hi all,

Wondering out loud here if anyone has the feeling whether anything they tackle is all too much?

My house is reasonably decorated but needs freshening up, same with garden, all of it could do with two pairs of hands an someone making the tea! I'm capable enough of decorating(tarting up with paint rollers) and keeping on top of mowing lawns etc but I just feel some sort of inertia lately towards it all an don't even want to start the job!
I work full time all week an am on my feet all day, then run around the kids and a dog- I keep on top of the housework well etc it's just the big jobs.i can't afford to pay someone to do it, an yes I could ask family or a friend to help but everyone's so busy!
I'm not asking for soloutions to this problem, just wondered if anyone in same boat? I kinda think is there something wrong with me, or is it relatively normal to feel like this,? wonder if it's gonna be like this forever? Or will I ever meet Mr DIY to help or earn enough money to cover paying someone to do it?!
My ds's are away for 2 weeks and I've been dog sitting my dads dog involving x2 visits a day- but I feel I've wasted my free evenings and weekends doing none of the things I should be.
I've cleared out the boys wardrobes and a shed but really just slobbed in the evenings.
When the ds's are here I long for the time or space to do such things listed above...... What's going on with me?!?!

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Brownsofa · 02/08/2015 15:30

Anyone?

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iluvshoes · 02/08/2015 16:23

Hey just saw this post and had to comment. Can I just say there is nothing wrong with you at all. My son is away at the mo and today I have done absolutely nothing today and its been amazing. Im just so fed up with having to run this house on my own. Gardening, cleaning, cooking have stopped for today. Add to the mix working as well and its hard work. I would like to think I will meet someone to help one day but wouldnt you rather be happy and do this on your own until that day happens ?

Brownsofa · 02/08/2015 17:05

Iluvshoes...
I only wished I felt some happiness at doing it on own but I don't:-( I don't feel empowered like some ladies do on here, I'd love to.
I feel lonely, bored, dull, life's stopped.i felt good in the beginning and I filled my time, even had a go at OLD but was fed up of idiots messaging and the endless going out for coffee for a date.
I just kinda think "is this it?"
I think I'd be happier if I had the energy to complete some of these jobs I'm looking around at, like a hobby but I just can't.
I slept for hr today at lunchtime and then kicked myself up arse and done some housework and gardening an have just cooked spaghetti Bol for tea an to freeze for the week.ive taken to listening to the plays on radio 4 which is a nice change from the cartoon channels !
I'm even contemplating going to a church service this evening , i consider myself an atheist but weirdly love a service?!!!
This pm I thought wouldn't it be different to move in with my parents so I had ppl to share the chores/life with ?!

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cosytoaster · 02/08/2015 17:16

I think you've already got a lot on your plate and you should cut yourself some slack. I'm in a similar position, it takes all my effort just to keep on top of cleaning and laundry - bigger jobs like my wilderness-like garden and redecoration just seem too daunting to tackle. The only way I ever get stuff done is to set a day aside occasionally and write out a schedule in advance and to break big jobs down into smaller chunks.
Enjoy your spag bol and a church service if you like - everyone needs down time and you shouldn't feel bad about it

MozzchopsThirty · 02/08/2015 17:21

You're not alone.
I feel like this about the house, when exh was here he did nothing and I've realised its gonna take me a chunk of equity to get it sorted.

I've now got an amazing partner who's done the odd DIY job, but I wouldn't expect him to fit me a new kitchen or relay my patio!

I've had new doors upstairs which have now been up 18m and I still haven't got round to painting them

Basically I can't be arsed, I'll mow the gardens and clean house but the rest I just can't be bothered

Please try OLD again, it's not all bad

starlight2007 · 02/08/2015 17:35

You are not alone..Due to reduced hours I have re painted most the house..I need to pay someone to do the lounge , and stairs...But as I work from home difficult

Brownsofa · 02/08/2015 18:57

Thanks all, it seems I'm not alone.
Sorry just to correct as well, I don't want a fella just for the DIY, it's more to share life and the jobs that go with it !

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iluvshoes · 02/08/2015 19:06

I also have days where I feel like its all just such hard work. Im also approaching a big birthday so thats scaring me a bit as well. You need to make time for yourself . Im not sure what old is but if it means you maybe meet a few new people im all for it. I went to my sons school leaving assembly last week and do you know what that made made me feel really proud of myself. With no help from anyone I (all by myself), have raised such an amazing little boy. Is there anything you like doing ? Could u maybe do an evening class.God I sound like my mum. You need to stop being so hard on youself. Im not sure I could go back to living with my parents.

BlackeyedSusan · 02/08/2015 19:19

ermm... yeh... suppose.

I am hiding on mn after ds had quite a long melt downy shouty rant.

I did all the diy when we were together anyway, but there is less time now and so much energy is taken with just the day to day stuff on ones own that there is little left for the extras.

Brownsofa · 02/08/2015 19:34

OLD is online dating .

Iluvshoes I do get those moments like at school plays where I feel the pride.
I think there's a lot of people on this board who are low on self esteem, mine wasn't great to start an it's defiantly gone now.confidence an motivation too-
Did anyone here feel like that but found that it did return once they met someone again etc?
I know someone will point out that I should have a sense of self worth on own, I do, but I just guess I'm passing time , not doing much of anything except kids, work and house- it would be nice to love and be loved again an share those worries about decorating etc !

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iluvshoes · 02/08/2015 20:12

Ha ha didnt know thats what it meant! One thing ive had to learn is never rely on man for your happiness. This could be cos I kept setting myself up to meet total nightmare men. Yes you should value yourself and do stuff for yourself but theres also nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone. My friend did the old and got married to him last week.

Squeegle · 02/08/2015 22:17

I'm the same. I can't be bothered! I am worrying today I can't be bothered with anything! Work full time, 2DCs, 2 cats plus hamster, it takes all my effort to just do all the "have to" things. The thing that worries me most is my lack of social life. I really haven't the energy. I feel a bit isolated. Not hideously unhappy, but just a bit like "all the families are having jolly family barbecues etc', and because I'm on my own the thought of organising something like that - just to repay neighbours hospitality really, seems too much. And as I'm on my own I seem to have dropped out of social things, I hate going on my own so just don't go

Brownsofa · 02/08/2015 22:51

Oh squeegle I hear ya-

That's just it, my life is so full of the things I have to do but not full of the things I want to do!! The have to dos take over and before I know it , I'm sat at home indoors on a lovely sunny day listening to both sets of neighbours chuckle their day away with friends over a BBQ and i wonder..... Where's my invite to anybody else's BBQ..... Then I realise ... There's nobody to invite me to a BBQ , I've become the odd piece of jigsaw that doesn't really fit into anybody else's life... So I continue sitting on sofa watching same ole shit, talking to virtual friends and eating popcorn :-(

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Squeegle · 03/08/2015 05:14

Shame isn't it?? I do think it is harder when you're on your own, but prob not impossible... Just haven't go round to doing anything about it yet

iluvshoes · 03/08/2015 07:06

Agree with the social life part. People who used to ask me to go out have stopped as they know I will come up with an excuse. I feel like ive lost all my va va voom. Im thinking its because we are all so busy trying to keep the bigger things going that you lose sight of spending time on yourself.

Brownsofa · 03/08/2015 10:20

Oh so very true iluv.

When I get asked it's never right timing! And like u say- we spend so much time focused on keeping roof over head, there's no time for fun

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iluvshoes · 03/08/2015 18:17

That is so true I know I need to change it but im not really sure how.

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