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about to be a single mum again...2 by 2 dads...is anyone else the same?? need reassurance this will not emotionally traumatise them!

(14 Posts)
glasshouses88 Sat 01-Aug-15 17:17:31

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starlight2007 Sat 01-Aug-15 17:35:54

I only have one but all I would say is make sure that contact is on the same weekend if you are doing EOW.. Good luck

glasshouses88 Sat 01-Aug-15 17:52:18

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itshappenedagain Sat 01-Aug-15 21:46:29

Hi! I have 2x2 but neither if mine have contact, tried to remain amicable with ds's dad but it all needed in tears (mine). DD's father and I where ok but he decided that he couldn't be a father and had never seen her, although he does contribute.
Like you I returned to uni, but after my DS, and my dd arrived 3 days after my last final. You will do it, and at times you will wonder how, usually when you have an essay due. Take all the help you can and like others have said get contacts on the same weekend if possible as it will give you a break ( and head space). Good luck with it all, it will eventually work out ok.

glasshouses88 Sun 02-Aug-15 07:47:31

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glasshouses88 Sun 02-Aug-15 08:21:57

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glasshouses88 Sun 02-Aug-15 08:22:46

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itshappenedagain Sun 02-Aug-15 14:24:53

My DS was 2 nearly 3 and I was preg with dd.

itshappenedagain Sun 02-Aug-15 14:25:32

Sort he was 3, nearly 4!

Brownsofa Sun 02-Aug-15 15:39:59

Hi,
I have 2 by 2;
I always feel ashamed to say it as it's not how I planned my future:-(
Oldest is 15 and his dad and I were teenage sweethearts , we spent 13 years together.
My second child is 7 and his dad and I spent ten years together( I had two years on own in between).
Both men cheated on me and it's taken a year or two after each to get over.
It seems both boys have coped and adapted remarkably well, I'm sure they will have their comments on it when older, but for now , we answer the q's as they come up.
I feel ashamed when I say it out loud as, for me, it springs to mind a reflection on me.but then I remind myself , those marriages were not failures initially, they lasted many years and I didn't break those marriage vows.
I will not have anymore children or marry again, just perhaps live in sin in my dotage lol.
I don't have much advice but I'm happy to answer any q's you have!

Coooeee Sun 02-Aug-15 17:53:18

I have 2x2 too a 15 month old and a 13 yr old. Eldest has no contact with his dad (he didn't meet him til he was 3 his choice and not heard from him since 2012 and it was only once a year if that...) and 15mth old sees her dad once a week for 7 hours. its shit and I am ashamed...... And have gone into hermit mode. Only leave the house to do taxi run for eldest and go food shopping.... Most upset for the eldest as he saw recent ex as his dad and he has just dropped him. Apparently he can't have him in his life if he's not in a relationship with his mother as its too wierd! So he comes and picks up the little one and ignores the kid he treated like a son.....

BlackeyedSusan Mon 03-Aug-15 00:16:29

Not many plan it that way, the thing is, you go into these things in good faith and expect to stick at it... then it all goes pear shpaed for various reasons... (dv, da, they cheat, or you just turn out to be really incompatible etc) and you are left with no option but to leave/they leave. I used to be naive and think it would not happen to me but he turned out to be violent. ... I can see how I could have easily fallen for someone else who would be similar... (thankfully not yet and if I do I am likely to be too old to have more children)

people make mistakes when they are young and not got a lot of life experience. people make mistakes when they are older and got the wrong sort of life experience. you make the choices with the information you have at the time. if only one could time travel and see how someone is going to turn out.

be kind to yourself. maybe it will not fail completely. if it does, well you tried. the ideal is that we spend our lives with one loving partner, but not every relationship turns out that way as we are all flawed human beings, that need second chances. (lots of them.)

glasshouses88 Mon 03-Aug-15 10:03:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brownsofa Mon 03-Aug-15 11:30:10

Thank you so much for your comments x

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