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Feeling low and desperate

(7 Posts)
maryrose36 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:08:31

This is the first thread I've posted I feel I could do with some support it may help. The main problem I'm having is surrounding childcare and lack of support financially or otherwise. I work 12 hour night shifts 2 times a week which was ok as I was in a relationship where my ex would come home have the kids I would go to work and I'd get home in time for him to go to work. We had been together for 3 years and I've been doing nights for just over a year. Recently 4 months ago we decided to separate. The pressure of his own business and never having time for each other. My 2 girls are not his. Since the split he slowly moved out to his mums where he is unhappy and offers regularly to have the children when i work as he knows I panick over childcare but since the split he goes to work evey day and goes in earlier and comes back later making it difficult to have the kids for me. I appreciate his help but wonder if it's him not fully letting go of us as it feels unhealthy to keep up some kind of semi relationship? I want a clean break but feel like I need him to help. My youngest goes to her biological dads every fortnight for one night. I can't get him to have her any more as he is hostile about letting him know. It upsets me because my daughter doesn't really seem keen to go to him. He has married a nice older woman moved into her house she works he doesn't and doesn't claim or go anywhere and so I stopped getting csa over 3 years ago and even then it was only 5 pound a month. I drive her to and from his house so I really do everything otherwise I don't know if she would see him. My eldest daughter has never met her dad so no financial support there either. Clearly I have made some poor choices of partners in the past but I thought I'd found a good one this time. So my only other options for childcare are family when I ask to drop off and pick up on the way to and from work I can tell for example my mum wants to say no and often does. If I could get chdcare for nights I would? My rents just gone up in starting counceing soon for depression and I'm already worried about childcare for that as I don't want tell anyone I'm going. On top of this I keep feeling obligated and pressured to cover extra shifts at work. If I say no to helping cover I'm outcastes at work. I haven't bought my personal problems to work so they don't know I have problems every time they ask me it's a huge disruption to say yes. I've started self harming another reason for counselling. Please someone help me with any advice or similar situation so I know I'm not alone ��

PettsWoodParadise Fri 31-Jul-15 18:18:52

Hey, you are not alone but I am not qualified to help and can't offer any real advice. To me it sounds like you are juggling and whilst stressful you are managing things for the moment which you should take as a compliment to your resilience and character. Try calling the Samaritans, I have friends who do this and it isn't just for those at the very edge, they can help with advice about who to go to and how to deal with things. You sound as though you feel things are gradually sliding out of your control and you are so worried you are hurting yourself. please know that you are valuable and a few bad decisions in the past cant define you.

DesertIslander Fri 31-Jul-15 19:16:26

Big hug for you, sweetie. You're not alone. Childcare is a real pain. Can you apply for flexible working/speak to your employer to reduce the number of night shifts? Is there any alternative work you could do?

Do you have a friend nearby who could help out when the counselling starts? What about a weekly activity for the girls?

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, it will get better xxx

QuiteLikely5 Fri 31-Jul-15 19:20:12

Hi

Can you start looking for another job? I think that is going to be your best option here or even maybe explain to your boss what is happening and see if they can do anything to help matters.

You should also see your GP for your self harming.

Don't give up, getting on. Keep busy and stay strong.

maryrose36 Fri 31-Jul-15 23:17:23

Thank you just reading a few responses helps me feel cared for and a little more positive. The work situation may have to be changed I guess ? I can certainly take steps in that direction at least if in paying for childcare I don't have to ask ask ask everyone ! I hate asking as often it's rejected although I do have scaring sister she has two little ones under 5 so it's rooming to ask her she doesn't mind now and again but I really red this independence. The other thing with work is my nights have fallen on Halloween Christmas Day last year and bonfire night Christmas Eve Christmas Day and new year this yearhmm I hate this. Then for the next three years after that if I stayed I would be fortunate to have all holidays off just with the lick ode hen my nights fall on. I have a good employer it's within a family home and they are very kind and I'm happy apart from what I've pointed out. I take my annual leave that I'm entitled too then it seems o have to cover other peoples annual leave as well as my own shifts I could say no but it seems to cause atmosphere. Plus quite often the person I care for goes on holidays abroad and when that happens my shifts are not there I either have to use some of my annual leave or get no money. I guess I don't like the not knowing all the time of when I will ever working and who will be having the kids if o had a solid plan in place I could feel reassured. I think I'm answering my own questions here smile it's defiantly good to talk this out. Sorry to go on I don't expect anyone to read this. It's good to feel someone is listening and yes I really do think I could call Samaritans I've looked into it and didn't realise you can call the at night or whenever. I need a new life plan. My sister wants me to get this dating app. I think I need date myself for a bit first ! She says I should be excited about a fresh start.smile Thanks again for advise people. X

maryrose36 Fri 31-Jul-15 23:21:04

Lol just reading that my auto spell has made me look illiterate. Anyway I have a caring sister not a scaring onesmile

PettsWoodParadise Fri 31-Jul-15 23:24:17

So glad you are feeling more positive. For the times when you're not, it's just part of being human.

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