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Need advice/ opinions please. I think XP's new partner is

(142 Posts)
Aimsmum Tue 21-Nov-06 21:15:08

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Aimsmum Tue 21-Nov-06 21:16:01

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Saturn74 Tue 21-Nov-06 21:18:14

Wow, what a horrible situation for your poor daughter - and for you.

How old is 'G', as her behaviour is appalling and certainly not the way a responsible adult should behave?

tiredemma Tue 21-Nov-06 21:18:21

what were the coven of witches at the christening saying to your DD?

Id be bloody furious if an adult woman was treating my child like this.

Tell her to bloody grow up.

ninah Tue 21-Nov-06 21:22:12

what a nightmare! could you meet xp one to one in said neutral setting and impress on him this needs to be sorted? I'm sure he knows you're reasonable - and he can't keep his head in the sand forever. whereas she is not going to admit stuff, as you say - What a madwoman! almost like she is trying to compete with a child - do they plan any children of their own as far as you know? really sorry for you and your dd going through this

bananaloaf Tue 21-Nov-06 21:22:24

not a nice situation at all. think you are right to meet up but take someone with you other that dd for support to remeber what has been said and to be less emotionally involved. i am a stepmother and have ss live with me and he has said that i was like the gf towards him to anyone that listened in the hope that dh and i would split up, could that be an element as you said she worships her father.

expatinscotland Tue 21-Nov-06 21:22:55

I think your idea sounds good.

You're being mature, trying to sort this out in an adult fashion.

I really feel for you, Aim, and your DD.

Your XP doesn't seem to be taking this seriously, either, and this shows you are.

Why not email this to him, so you have proof that you made this offer to be concilliatory.

Aimsmum Tue 21-Nov-06 21:24:03

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ninah Tue 21-Nov-06 21:26:07

email is a good idea

expatinscotland Tue 21-Nov-06 21:29:02

Email or text and save a copy.

Sorry, I know she worships her dad, but his allowing his partner to treat his daughter this way can be VERY destructive long-term to her.

I have two good friends who do not speak to their fathers - whom they loved - b/c those men allowed their partners to mistreat their kids.

Saturn74 Tue 21-Nov-06 21:29:45

You're certainly not over-reacting - you sound like you're being very reasonable and mature about the situation.

I agree that you and your XP need to discuss this as soon as possible, as he needs to take the situation seriously.

I'd leave the girlfriend out of the discussion, and impress upon your XP that the welfare and happiness of your daughter should come before the demands and childishness of his girlfriend.

Well done for dealing with this so calmly, Aimsmum. Your DD clearly has a very good role model in you! [smile}

Saturn74 Tue 21-Nov-06 21:30:34

or even !

Aimsmum Tue 21-Nov-06 21:32:46

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expatinscotland Tue 21-Nov-06 21:34:14

Please keep these emails, Aims.

Make a file to chuck them in and back it up on flash drive or CD.

Sorry to sound paranoid, but I worked in legal a long time. And IF this should become a greater issue, you need as much back up as possible.

You're handling this VERY well!

hester Tue 21-Nov-06 21:36:52

Oh Aimsmum, how horrible for you and dd. I actually went cold all over reading your post - you are right to take this very seriously. It certainly seems a good idea to start with a civilised chat and see if things can be resolved amicably. If they can't, I'd consider getting some legal advice. Your poor dd can't keep being put through this. Do you think your ex would be amenable to a good solution, but doesn't know what to do?

ninah Tue 21-Nov-06 21:37:05

You are handling this so sensibly and well - total respect to you. Good luck with the meeting.

Aimsmum Tue 21-Nov-06 21:46:47

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zookeeper Wed 22-Nov-06 10:06:14

good for you to try to sort it out - I'd only do it though if you are sure you can resist the temptation to strangle her! It sounds difficult for you all.

Aimsmum Wed 22-Nov-06 10:12:37

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NotQuiteCockney Wed 22-Nov-06 10:16:27

Can you have the meeting with your DD and your XP? Get your DD to explain to XP what has been happening, get him to understand?

And get him to agree not to leave your DD along with the G again?

I am really sad that this is happening to your DD. What a dreadful situation.

zookeeper Wed 22-Nov-06 10:20:48

maybe it's better if dd isn't there as she may get dragged into it or pick up on bad vibes if it gets out of hand.?

Aimsmum Wed 22-Nov-06 10:21:09

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NappiesGalore Wed 22-Nov-06 10:26:43

oh, no do please go along. the only way you will know anything at all is if you talk to them. she clearly has something to say if she doesnt want dd to hear it...

besides, when theyve said their piece, you can shout at her without upsetting dd, if you want to

Bozza Wed 22-Nov-06 10:28:02

aimsmum I am really impressed with how you are handling this difficult situation. Could you explain that DD will be there to start with but then you will arrange for her to go off with your friend so you can have a frank adult discussion? And hope then that the gf will turn up.

Surfermum Wed 22-Nov-06 10:32:57

I agree with Nappies, there may be stuff she doesn't want to say in front of her. I think a discussion between the 3 of you would be a good starting point. If you never have that discussion then this will just fester. At least hear what she's got to say about it.

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