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Ex twisting kids had enough

(9 Posts)
wendy1972 Sun 26-Jul-15 09:55:36

Been single 16months and still not getting easier. My ex now tells kids he can't afford to eat because I take all his money and I constantly have kids on my back. He tells them im loaded and get benefits ( I work and do get some tax credits). I try to explain to my kids (teenagers) that I give them some of the maintenance but I need the rest to afford to pay for things but for some reason ex has twisted it that I spend it all on myself. he seems to be able to go out and buy new clothes but I dont yet they dont see that. im getting to the end of my tether with mind games its just not helping the kids. This weekend I could have taken my youngest to the coast but he said he was too busy to have the others. but surprise surprise they didn't come home last night and stayed at his!!! why??? So me and my youngest didnt get to goangry . How can people be soo twisted to use kids in their controlling behaviour x

KittensOnAPlane Sun 26-Jul-15 10:07:44

because some people are just cunts!

Firstly - re the monies, are you in a position to show them bank accounts to explain how and why the money works?

Secondly - dont tell him ANYTHING EVER about plans you may or may not have.

Is he dad of the youngest? or is he playing more games with that (having children on their own)

wendy1972 Mon 27-Jul-15 07:36:10

Hi. yes he is the father of the youngest but last time she went he told her to f**k off and not go back. this suits him though as he is very controlling so to him me always having a child with me means he knows im not doing anything. Regarding the money I have sat and written down every expense we have but it still doesn't seemed to have sunk in xx

Penfold007 Mon 27-Jul-15 07:49:33

As your eldest are teenagers they are capable of understanding if given truthful information. Do a spread sheet detailing your incoming and outgoing including the maintenance your ex pays. Let them see how hard budgeting really is.

Firm up re access, when he has the eldest concentrate on your youngest. If your not home he can't send the teens back.

wendy1972 Thu 30-Jul-15 16:49:42

yes I know think I need to firm up at bit now. ive tried to remain amicable for the sake of the kids far too long wink x

starlight2007 Sat 01-Aug-15 10:52:51

Sometimes remaining amicable equates been walked all over.

I would sit them down and explain what maintenance is for...Food, heating , lighting, clothes, bedding, soap, hot water..

I said this on another post earlier today... You can defend yourself without slagging the other partner off..Just give the facts

BlackeyedSusan Sat 01-Aug-15 15:37:34

tv licence, broad band access, council tax, rent/mortgage, car insurance, car tax maintenance of car so they can be transported around and shopping can be fetched. electricity, gas, water rates,

about time they were financially literate themselves. do you pay for their shampoo, soaps, hair stuff? hair cuts?

challenge them to do a budget.

bestguess23 Sat 01-Aug-15 15:48:08

Be wary of showing them your full finances. My dm did this to me when I was about 16 to show she needed me to go out to work and not aim for uni. It backfired as £40 a week left over after bills was a tiny amount to her knowing how much it gets eaten away by small things. To my teenage mind she had £160 a month she could save up and was being unreasonable. I did go to uni and paid my way but now understand that she was hugely cash strapped. Teenagers won't necessarily get the reality of small day to day expenses, that you learn with experience make it hard to have any spare cash.

wendy1972 Sat 08-Aug-15 08:47:49

yes I don't think kids see that £200 or whatever is left after everything is paid goes on other unforseen things. To them its a lot of money but as we know as parents its needed for all the extras Christmas/birthdays/days out which I think they think dont cost anything. its more that they blame me for their dad having no money to feed himself apparently that gets me!! He gets more than me a month for just him not the 4 of us thar I have to budget for. Yet they seem to believe him. If I even want a night out I feel like I have to justify myself for soending My money. its totally crazy and not once have the kids gone hungry with me x

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