New boyfriend advice?(8 Posts)
As soon as my baby's father found out I was pregnant he did a runner. Anyway I started seeing someone at 10 weeks and just before my baby was born we made things official; he told me he was perfectly fine with the fact I was pregnant an it wouldn't change anything etc. however when she was born he told me that she reminde him of his baby sister (that died at 2 weeks old), so he needed some space. He met her one time and it was so awkward he couldn't look at her etc, and she wasn't exactly in the best mood - I couldn't put her down or she'd not stop crying. She's 5 months old now and he's never seen her since, I've only seen him a handful of times but I've tried to explain that if he wants to stay with me then he needs to spend time with her, but he claims when we're all together we can't spend time together properly because all I'm doing is looking after her.
I really love this guy and he makes me really happy; I've been really down about being a lone parent and he's one of the only things that keeps me happy. However, I don't know where to go from here, do I give him more time? An ultimatum? Or just end things completely? (Which I really don't want to do). I really thought things were going to stay the same between us once id had the baby but I didn't realise he wasn't bothered because he thought he'd have nothing to do with her.
Does anyone have any advice? And please no horrible comments, I obviously know I need to do something about it! Thanks
It sounds as though seeing the baby might have triggered a ptsd type reaction. If he really wants to be with you he needs to do somethibg about it. It might include counselling.
Unless he is willing to work on it there's nothing you can do. You are a mother of a very, very young child. Only (a lot) of time is going to alter that. Meanwhile he won't have built up any relationship with your DD, and his relationship with you will have taken a battering.
Its ultimation time i'm afraid - and you will have to mean it and follow through on it,. His attitude is not of someone who is committed to you and being supportive of you. He just wants carefree, unencumbered dating.
It doesn't sound much like he's very interested now that you have a real live baby on your hands. I think from what you say you already know this and you should skip the ultimatum and go straight for the finish line.
He's either not interested now that it's hard work or it's genuinely unearthed some horrible memories. But either way, there's nothing you can do other than either walk away now or wait and see if he starts taking steps to deal with his issue with your DD. It's not like you're suddenly going to look after her less on his say so.
He sounds like a tosser, the line about you spending all your time on a baby would do it for me. If he wants you, he has to want you with the baby. You deserve better. I'd have been gone already.
All you are doing is looking after her - well yes, and this will be the case for some time yet. He doesn't get it, does he? He doesn't want to share the universe with anyone, but tough. He doesn't sound cut out for the reality of a girlfriend with a baby.
He's not into it after all. I'm so sorry.
He can't expect you to be doing anything BUT looking after your baby. Did he think you would keep her in a gawer or something?
He's no use.
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