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Extra time

(10 Posts)
meh888 Wed 22-Jul-15 15:39:17

My ex had ds every other weekend and a night in the week. I just want opinions I'm not saying what is right or wrong as I have mixed feelings about it. When ever ex has time off work he will always ring and demand extra time with ds if I don't agree he just says that he should as I have ds more during the week. Weekends are split evenly and he will ask to take ds if there are parties or family events. If I say that I already have things planned as its my weekend he will tell me to change it as he deserves more time as I have ds more in the week. I have tried saying that the week days are not quality time but he doesn't listen. Should I say say no more as it is becoming very frequent. Opinions please

enderwoman Wed 22-Jul-15 18:21:06

It sounds like your ex sees your son quite frequently. Does he work shifts or something? How much notice does he get?

My kids are much more settled with a routine and would hate not knowing when they are staying at dad's (he works Mon-Fri so much easier to sort a routine)

Bellemere Wed 22-Jul-15 18:37:57

I don't think every other weekend and a day in the week is a lot of contact but I don't think he has any right to go "demanding" more either.

Perhaps offer him an extra week might? You are right - it's important that your son gets quality weekend time with you both.

Bellemere Wed 22-Jul-15 18:38:04

Night*

Stubbed Wed 22-Jul-15 19:59:22

Why is it a problem if he spends extra time with his dad, or you swop things around for family events? Sounds like a nice thing to do. Are you being a bit obstructive or have I missed something?

meh888 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:25:50

Stubbed - im not being obstrusive I agree to all extra time with ex. But when I have family events that falls on exes weekend I'm not allowed to take ds. If I am allowed I have to pay back that time to him. But when it's my weekend and ex wants ds I'm not allowed to ask to time or to swop as ex says I have ds more in the week. Ex seems to think that after school is quality time when its not really as you can't go out and do family activities etc. One rule for my ex that he is allowed to take my weekend but I'm not and it is becoming very frequent. I'd be fine with it if it was the same rules applying to both of us

meh888 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:27:49

Enderwoman - he works until 6-7 Mon to sat, no shifts and some days it is only a few he's notice

meh888 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:28:15

Hours*

starlight2007 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:57:55

I think you need to sit down and tell him if he wants you to swap weekends he needs to ask but point out that flexibility works both ways. You also need to say you may not be able to always swap especially at short notice.

I think the point is stubbed OP wants some quality time with Ds...

Letitgoletitgo Sun 26-Jul-15 15:47:08

Op, my exh was a similar nightmare with these sorts of things - in the end I just had to start saying no. It caused a lot of arguments to start with about how unreasonable he thought I was being , but as you say , he can't have his time and your time with dcs. I also work pt and have eldest dc at school, so weekdays really are not quality time .
Now , we each only ask the other for a swap of days/weekends if it is especially important - big family occasions , weddings etc , but it is a swap , not just taking the other parents time. He has been much more reasonable and in turn I therefore don't mind sometimes giving up a bit of my time for something important. I'm pretty organised and have stuff planned on the calendar, so if he asks, is either yes that's fine, or no because we already have blah blah blah, which he now seems to accept.

I know some parents who share a Google or outlook calendar - they put whose weekends it is on, as well as family events etc, and anything else important they've booked etc. So the other parent can see what sort of response they'd get about swapping / taking more time. Wouldn't work for me as exh is disorganised and useless, but does for others I know. Good luck!

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