is this irritating or should i just let it go?(7 Posts)
ex dp has supervised contact with our two boys twice weekly for three hours his mom and stepdad supervise the contact he is playing a good game at being a"nice guy" although we recently went no contact because he began to actively harass me i said email contact only text in emergency
his mom is a nightmare so far ive had her declaring and making proclamations on my doorstep (like a town crier) that i did not provide a bib so they would "have to buy one of their own for there house" making sure the neighbours were watching and thrusting a large envelope with (not a lot of) cash in it (this is only the second time he has paid since last october) at me claiming it was money from ex for the boys! (my daughter was right next to me her bio dad pays nothing and ex accused her of being a parasite when we were together) loudly proclaiming we had to use our nappies today the nice pull up ones we bought for him (i do supply nappies and wipes) claiming the youngest clothing was dirty and we didn't have any clothing to change him into i finally spoke to my ex about this and he "had a word" apparently but she has just continued to do it yesterday she came with money again from him now ive set up a bank account and given him the details there is no need for them to pass money on the doorstep she hands me the bag there is money on there from x (ok) its in the book (right) money for the umm kiddies i mean its in the book in the bag its from x in the bag (i walked away and put the bag in the room so then i hear her tell my eldest son to tell your mom he walks in and says nanny said there is money in the bag from dad for us she has done this actively since i refused to allow my ex to speak to me on the phone constantly (he used to ring me constantly to "discuss the children") she has on more than one occasion suggested i pay for food for them at the house or that i send food to the house for them to eat i have had to more than once due to them feeding them shit and making them ill (cold sausages and sausage rolls for tea) now my ex is on full rate esa i feel he should be providing decent food for them twice a week not expecting me to do this (its around £259 a fortnight instead of the jsa rate of about £146 (ish) he has no bills except his car as he lives with his nan and she provides everything)
background the children are always clean fresh clothing always supplied with nappies wipes and a bib for the youngest (although he really doesn't use them at home) they like to undermine everything i do for example i bought my son a (single) packet of match attack cards as a treat for doing well in a spelling test i did this a couple of weeks in a row to encourage him as this is his chosen reward since they found out they have bought him ten packets over two visits which kind of devalues him working towards them if nanny and grandad are going to buy shit loads for him ex bought £50/£60 worth of toys this week for them he knows they don't need them he knows they need school uniform and shoes in september he also knows im decluttering at the moment and throwing toys away they don't play with he did it anyway some of the toys are ok the others are of the noisy easily broken variety
even after declaring she needed a bib for my son she never uses the bib nor does she provide her own and use that my youngest sons clothing is getting ruined ive no idea why he eats well at home and like a pig there
elder ds comes home with worrying stories about nanny making them eat fast (he has an acid reflux so he is allowed to eat at a slow/normal pace shoveling food in his mouth makes him ill they are aware of this) "eat it all make me proud" nom nom nom she actually gets an empty spoon and pretends to eat really quickly to encourage this (i did see her do this when i was with ex so i believe this) crying if he doesn't like her food making the youngest ill with her cooking if he rejects food she will bring him crisps then cake offer toast sweeties anything so he will "eat for nanny" my ex allows this to happen
ok this is getting too long now but should i let this go ive tried to talk to the social worker but she really dislikes me and the health visitor reported bruising to her from dads contact a few weeks ago she did nothing she told her she would get in touch with me and didn't bother
let it go or cause a fuss?
Your post is very hard to read sorry.
For what I can gather I would just make everything 'official' eg money into account, quick changeover at door, don't have daughter standing there etc.
I would let the small stuff go eg bib.
yes i thought so its just so frustrating she walks back to the car waving bye to the boys and just as she opens the door BAM! or when she picks them up her husband is fiddling about getting the boys in the car and she steps back away from the door and BAM again
i might have to insist his step dad is the only one who does the pick ups he doesn't do this
and i told him money in the bank account he still sent it over with his mom
Have you tried a handover book?
Yes the money in the bank would reduce problems. The little stuff let go.
Separate them out.
If they come back filthy just make sure you don't send them in best clothes..
Ignore any digs she has no idea.
My Ex's mum used to supervise contact. It never really worked..I sort of understood she wanted to stand up for her DS however I could not understand how she had such low standards for the care of her grandchild.
Could time of contact be changed so 9-12 to avoid meal time issues?
social worker won't change the contact times as its "working" even though i say it's not really my idea was to collect them from school and drop them home for tea but she would probably just fill them up with junk food so they "eat" she suffers with acid indigestion herself and has never got the correlation between eating fatty food like a pig and indigestion her doctor has told her but she "knows better" apparently
i bit the bullet this morning and sent an email to my ex in no uncertain terms she is never to drop money over again and he has apologised and his step dad will hopefully be doing the pick ups etc in the holidays at least im hoping he will continue to do it when school gets back in too stupid thing is we have a contact book they just won't use it
i get really sick of the whole passive aggressive nonsense he was and is very emotionally abusive however he is very good at being "nice" to professionals so people look at me like im the bad guy however ive started documenting bruises and filthy clothing on my camera plus texting my social worker every time they get hurt so she cant say i didnt tell her im also telling the school and nursery even the health visitor about it social services will have to do something eventually
So your saying their dad is physically abusing them?
not necessarily there has been bruising on my youngest on more than one occasion between his hip and tummy button i believe it is from where they hold him its like a finger mark like they dig in when they hold him there has been bruising on his leg from where they were changing him and he wriggled his mom made him cry that time but i brought it up and they said it would never happen again the social worker was satisfied with that but since ive cut contact with my ex the bruising has happened again he had a bump they didn't tell me i had to ask them why he was bruised now social services find it very suspicious if your child is bruised and you can't explain it so by not telling me and hurting him they are putting me in a bad position so i have to report it however the social worker is ignoring me so ive got to text her to get a record of me reporting it and report it to the health visitor also
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