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He's cancelled...again...

(12 Posts)
buddhasbelly Sun 19-Jul-15 08:27:18

Exp phoned at the start of this week saying he had Sunday off and would have our dd overnight.

I phoned him last night to check what time he was picking her up (last week he was an hour late) - he said he was working and would phone me back. It got to 11pm and still had no answer so phoned him again.

Turns out he now can't have her after all, has only just found out he'll be working. I had made (very rare) plans to go out after having a rather crap couple of days and had cancelled my counselling session on Monday morning as the only time he could drop her back clashed with my session time.

For once I finally became assertive enough to say that this was not on, that although dd is still of an age where she wont pick up on the irregularity of her time with him (ie she wont be sitting waiting for him), I have a life myself and to keep changing plans like this is really affecting me.

His response is to say "What do you want me to do I have to work to live" - yes fair enough, but then why can't you contribute financially to your dd's upbringing?

Sorry rant over, just getting really sick of this.

buddhasbelly Sun 19-Jul-15 08:31:55

And on a side note I now have to find ways to entertain dd on a particularly rainy sunday (hadn't had anything arranged as didn't think she'd be here, I do love her honestly but I was looking forward to a bit of me time)

MadameJosephine Sun 19-Jul-15 08:41:22

Knob! I had years of this from my ex so I feel your frustration. If you suddenly 'had' to work you would have to say no because, guess what, you are a parent so can't just drop everything at the last minute. I wish I knew how to make him realise this and make his child his priority but I don't, I finally snapped after about 12 years and told my ex that if he couldnt be bothered to be a father to his child then to fuck off amd never contact him again. Unfortunately he chose the latter and we havent heard from him since

BugPlaster Sun 19-Jul-15 08:50:18

Well done for being assertive. Treat yourself and DD and make sure you rebook counselling. You are doing things right, you can't do anything about how he chooses to do things.

buddhasbelly Sun 19-Jul-15 08:57:03

thanks for the replies. it's a balancing act between how much of this rubbish i can take but also not wanting to deny our dd access to both her parents(we have a court order so technically couldn't) so that when my dd is older she will know i tried to accommodate contact between them.

and yes madame he doesn't seem to get that a resident parent cant just say sorry dd have to work fend for yourself! How can organise her the whole week, sort her nursery, batch make her meals and yet one day is such a bloody struggle for him?!

LemonYellowSun Sun 19-Jul-15 09:02:06

That's crap. I hate wayward dads. It's just not good enough.

Penfold007 Sun 19-Jul-15 09:06:25

Sadly you can't make him be a responsible parent. Keep a diary of all these cancelled arrangements. Keep your dd available for the court agreed access but don't cancel appointments etc just to oblige him. This is something you should take to your next counselling session. Make sure you get child maintenance from him.

buddhasbelly Sun 19-Jul-15 09:16:09

contacting csa tomorrow - I've given him long enough to set up a direct debit. I have a diary of everything he's done due to some of his behaviour towards me (harassment).

he had previously sought full residency of our dd, I shudder to think how chaotic and unstable her life would have been if that had been the outcome of court.

going to get her tea set out and we'll have a pretend tea party, could do with a cuppa smile

Penfold007 Sun 19-Jul-15 09:20:29

As its a rainy day where you are could you both make some fairy cakes or biscuits to have with the pretend tea party. Should while away and hour or so.

buddhasbelly Sun 19-Jul-15 09:27:22

good thinking thanks penfold

Starlightbright1 Sun 19-Jul-15 14:20:24

Funny enough on my time hop the other day it came up...Its that time of the week, will DS's dad see him this week and a little later the answer was no.. then a comment.. his loss.... I actually showed my DS this and said it was his loss..That was another week he got to miss to see the wonderful amazing boy he was turning into.

I agree document any cancellations. I ended up in mediation with Ex at one point and I really annoyed him reading out the list of excuses why he failed to bother to see his child. do you believe he has to work?

I am glad you are sorting out maintenance..

If he is harrassing you it is worth logging it with the police.. they don't have to act on it at this stage.

buddhasbelly Sun 19-Jul-15 14:30:31

thanks starlight it's logged with the police yes, they've been pretty helpful, he justs kicks off when I don't bow down to his last minute changes.

The 'best' excuse i've had was that he'd been to a party the night before and was too hungover/drunk to make the public transport journey to dd..

I do believe he is working - I appreciate ppl have to make ends meet however given then hours he has been working (his trade is hourly paid, he is self employed) he would've cleared £700 minimum last week...it'll take me a while to calculate how much of that dd saw...oh yes that would be nothing.

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