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DS away for two weeks today...

(21 Posts)
WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 18-Jul-15 06:37:37

How the hell do I breathe? sad

I know, I'm being complete wuss, but it's the first long break he will have with the Ex since he walked out on us a year ago.

I've never been away from him for this long.

I want him to enjoy it, of course, friends keep telling me it's an opportunity for me to take a break myself (I'm on a course so I can't even travel and get away) but I just know I'm going to spend the evenings in a comatose state or lying on his bed smelling his pillow.

Have already been to the toilet to cry three times this morning. Even DS had commented that he never knew I had hayfever. blushblushblush

Both my friends here have gone on family holidays so no RL support. I live overseas so no family.

Either slap some sense into me, hold me hand or give me some tips...I think I need all three.

I'm ridiculous aren't I?

caravanista13 Sat 18-Jul-15 07:13:09

That sounds really hard. How old is your DS?

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 18-Jul-15 07:25:07

He's 10. So not little. But he's been my sidekick since he was born. Ex was away a lot.

Heffalumps Sat 18-Jul-15 10:18:08

Holding hand....that sounds really tough, I'd be beside myself.
DD is 11 and I find her being away on trips really hard, even when work is manically busy and there's stacks of housework to do I do miss her, I also see her as my 'sidekick' ��
Last time she was away on a school trip I watched 'The Good Wife', cleared out the loft and touched up the gloss paint in the house as I wouldn't really get these done with her around
I also made ridiculously fancy cup cakes for her return.
( I am a f/t teacher so occupied myself with work too!)
It's weird inst it, sometimes I yearn for time to myself then I feel a part of me is missing when she's away more than a couple of nights...

BlackeyedSusan Sat 18-Jul-15 11:13:45

<passes tissues>



cry for today, then try and enjoy all the stuff you can not do when he is with you.

gloss painting is an excellent idea. takes ages to dry.

dd has only been away one night and I had ds here. I felt I had lost part of me. so I can hardly gove advice from experience...

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 18-Jul-15 20:25:29

Thanks folks grin

He's gone. I settled down with the ironing pile and Game of Thrones box set, and promptly fell asleep folding clothes on the sofa! blush

I have some training courses next week to focus on, so for the first time in my life have no excuses to find time to do the homework.

I will try and make the most of my time, unlike the first weekend he was away when I walked round the supermarket at 9pm on Saturday night sobbing. blushblushblush

conway Fri 24-Jul-15 17:49:02

Mine went away with my ex for a week and came back last week.( age 9 and 14)
I found it really hard at first but kept really busy , working a lot and went away for a weekend with my mum. As the week went on it did get easier and I must say it was easy just cooking for one and been able to put my feet up after a long day at work. Also the dish washer only went on once.
So just try and find positives, I know it's hard!
When they came back it was great to see them and they have both appeared to really appreciate me since they have been back

WallyBantersJunkBox Fri 24-Jul-15 19:08:29

I hope the appreciation one works for me.

I keep checking the washing basket out of habit....but it's empty! grin

Went to a festival last night with new DP and got a late train back then talked into the early hours. That felt really good.

Still no gym or ironing done yet.....grin

MsColouring Sat 25-Jul-15 16:54:11

Hi Wally. Just joining this thread after you commented on my thread in step-parenting.

This is the second time they have been away from me for a two week stretch. First time was last year. We have been separated 4 and a half years but ds was 20 months when he left so I managed to avoid long periods of separation for the first three years. Last year when they were away we went away to visit friends for much of the time and then got a few jobs done around the house. About half way through the two week stretch last year I got really emotional - felt like a long time since I'd seen them and a long time til I'd see them again.

I am worried about phone contact because I have had letters from his solicitor complaining about me phoning. I only phone every couple of days so not excessive but I think he will try and block my calls if he can. DP has bribed DD to text me every day.

This year I am trying to concentrate on getting the house sorted. Trying to set myself targets for each day and taking one day at a time.

Out tonight at a wedding evening do so will enjoy taking my time getting ready and having a drink or two. Trying to look for the positives.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 25-Jul-15 21:02:19

Hi Ms

Ignore that nasty comment it was completely out of order. It doesn't matter what others are going through. If you miss your children, you miss your children.

Not being able to phone the kids sounds highly suspect to me. Do you ever stop him? Is it worth a solicitor at your end?

DS is in his second week and I Whatsapp him every other day with some funny YouTube stuff or to say hello. I understand if it's possibly upsetting the kids and they want to come home because of it, but he should be discussing that if it's an issue.

Enjoy your wedding party, and more importantly the lie in. grin

You can relax, sleep through the drink fuzz and rest your dancing feet.

I had a nice browse round a French supermarket tonight, not blubbing this time. Bought some nice treats and I'm going to pull out a load of DVDs I never get round too....

MsColouring Sun 26-Jul-15 12:51:43

He never phones the children. I don't stop him, he just never chooses to, even on birthdays and Christmas. And DD has her own phone so it's not even like he'd have to go through me. He is using it as a control thing - he has massive issues and doesn't seem to have moved on which is sad. I am trying to deal with things without a solicitor as using a solicitor in the past hasn't really got me anywhere apart from when it went to court plus there's the cost which I can't really afford whilst supporting two children without any maintenance.

Wedding party was lovely and it was nice knowing I could drink lots and not have to worry about the kids and have a lie in this morning and a cooked breakfast.

Rest of today will consist of doing some paperwork for school and then cinema with DP this evening so not all bad.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 26-Jul-15 13:34:22

Oh a cooked breakfast, never thought of that, and a nice browse of the papers. grin

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 26-Jul-15 13:34:48

Browsing is something I've enjoyed this week....wink

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sun 26-Jul-15 13:52:30

I keep checking the washing basket out of habit....but it's empty! Love this!

Hand holding here, glad you and your DP have had a great night too. There will be some good times to come out of this and imagine how happy you'll be to see each other, both refreshed from a relaxing couple of weeks!

I have the opposite problem, have had to strong-arm ex into having my 3 DCs at all this holiday to give me a break. While I do miss them when they're away, we all need a little chance to recharge our batteries and get the chance to miss them and appreciate them.

Eat lots of cake smile

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sun 26-Jul-15 13:54:52

and I think sending a few whatapp pics is the ideal way to keep in touch - he knows you're thinking of him, but there's no emotional teary 'missing you' stuff to make them feel sad at being away either.

mytimewillcome Sun 26-Jul-15 21:03:20

My 5 year old has gone away for over a week today with ex and horrendous ex in laws who have made my life hell since we separated. It's like being stabbed in the heart to know that he is spending time with them. I hate them.

meh888 Sun 26-Jul-15 22:00:45

Ex has ds for a week. I'm not allowed to have him for a week straight as ds lives with me. Its difficult as ex is in the habit of saying things to ds like 'don't you wish you lived at daddys' and things like that. I hope ds has a good time but I am scared he will come back saying that he doesn't want to be with me and he wants to stay with ex. I don't think he will its just that fear. I'm keeping myself busy and helping my mum around her house.

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 27-Jul-15 11:31:53

Ugh emotional blackmail on a child, how bloody awful for you Meh...thanks

MsColouring Sat 01-Aug-15 10:59:57

Hi Wally banters. Just wondering how you are doing at the half way point.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 01-Aug-15 11:08:22

He comes home tomorrow!!!

Haven't done as much as I thought I would due to a touch of food poisoning and a lot of sleeping.

Turned down an invite to go out last night for dinner and regretted it later in the evening.

But for a first time I made it through, and I know what not to do next time.

Also had a lovely couple of evenings with new partner.

How are you? brew

MsColouring Sat 01-Aug-15 21:20:52

I've struggled today. They feel a very long way away and I haven't managed to speak to them much but did speak to them today. I haven't achieved as much as I hoped so far but have sorted a few things.

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