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Advice desperately needed

(9 Posts)
starfish01 Fri 17-Jul-15 11:30:45

hi,
I desperately need some advice as I've got myself into a complete state. I am a single mum to a 7 year old. We have been through a lot together and are very close.
I have been seeing someone since the start of the year who I have known for around a couple of years now. My little one only knows him as my friend and nothing more. Him and I rarely manage to spend any time together. So a few weeks ago we booked a long weekend away in Europe for 3 nights. This trip is now coming up in just over a week's time and I am now feeling v guilty and anxious. I have never spent more than a night away from my lo and I am now v scared. I know my lo will be well looked after by family but I keep thinking things like: what if something happens, am I abandoning my child, am I putting a relationship before my child, if this relationship doesn't work out then it will have been a waste of time, etc. Some advice would be much appreciated especially from anyone who's gone through something similar.
Thank you!

Starlightbright1 Fri 17-Jul-15 11:39:45

You are more than just a mum..I can say as the mum of an 8 year old.. They are getting more independent by the day.. It is actually good they know you have more of a life than just a mum.. Do you want your DD to not get a partner if in your position incase it doesn't work out...Not do anything but look after her own child..You are modelling for her..

It won't have been for nothing. It was an experience that may of been good for a while.

I do understand the fear though I worry so much about getting it wrong for my son I avoid.

Elfdoor Fri 17-Jul-15 18:35:06

Bless you! Stop stressing, a happy mum makes a happy child, you have every right to adult time and if your leaving your child with family they will take good care and have fun too.

If things progress with the fella next time it could be a family holiday, but you need time as a couple first.

Go and enjoy yourself !

starfish01 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:53:42

Thanks so much for your reply. I know you are right....just finding it harder than I ever imagined!

starfish01 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:56:53

weirdly enough, we've already done the family holiday a couple of months ago....he took his kids and I took my lo....but we just went as friends and the kids did not suspect a thing. It was nice. I am really struggling with the thought of being away from my lo ....have even thought of cancelling it.

Starlightbright1 Fri 17-Jul-15 21:22:52

I think guilt is part of the genetic make up of been a parent. I used to really struggle with any one looking after my Ds as he dad was incapable. He has cried when I have gone out ( rarely) as he wants me there at bedtime..However he now accepts I do need to meet up with my friends sometimes like he wants to see his own friends. He did complain this month I went out when it was only a month ago I went out before....lol.. It is still good for him

starfish01 Fri 17-Jul-15 22:31:12

I completely understand what you're saying. My lo is very sociable and loves seeing her friends but she absolutely hates it when I go out!
Whether it works out with this man I am seeing or not, I know that he has been v patient with me....he's never complained about the fact that I can hardly go out and he's always tried to fit around my life....I know not many would do that or would have got fed up a long time ago.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 18-Jul-15 06:49:29

Bless you, you sound lovely.

But two things...if you'd been going away with her dad would you act differently? (If you were still together)

I think with the rise in lone parents it's important that your children see you happy, and also in love.

How else will they learn about love, and to not make mistakes like we did.

My son only saw my relationship with my ex for 9 years....he starting mimicking his behaviour...talking down to me, cruel humour. This is what he thought a normal relationship was.....

He's known my new partner for 6 weeks now (he knows we are "dating" his words not mine grin). He sees someone respectful, kind and gentle. Someone decent and loving.

So enjoy your break, and enjoy bringing more love into your DDs life.

starfish01 Sat 18-Jul-15 10:08:37

Thank you for your message. you're right.....I guess I would probably feel differently if it was her dad. I also carry a lot of guilt about leaving him too although it was the right thing to do....in the end he was just being too emotionally abusive and nasty at home and it would have been the wrong thing for my daughter to grow up in that kind of unhealthy environment.
I'm glad you've met someone nice : )

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