Ex wants details of new childminder, do I have to give them?

(8 Posts)
Frannie120 Sat 20-Jun-15 20:40:01

Very long story short: I split with my ex 1.5 years ago, he has been a complete nightmare ever since. He moved me out of our house when I was at work and wouldn't let me see the kids, I had to take him to court in order to get my things and house back and to get the kids back. We now have the two children 50-50 but their father is making my life hell in any way he can. This issue is that he harassed the childminder I used till the point she said she couldn't cope with it anymore, I changed (took me ages to find someone I liked and kids seemed to warm up to) and he's now demanding all sorts of information like her paper work and number etc. I use her one afternoon per week (2 hours), I pay for it and I am really pleased with her, I can't go through another change, it would upset my children too much. Thy are 4 and 5 and need stability. Do I have to supply this? I don't get ANY information of what they do on his days and who's looking after them. He is blackmailing me, I.e. If I don't get this information you are not taking them on holiday etc.
Any advice?
Thank you!!

cestlavielife Sat 20-Jun-15 23:21:14

If it's only one afternoon two hours then does not seem necessary to tell him. So long as you don't ask to be told if he decides to leave them with a baby sitter in his time. Just ignore. Or agree to discuss on mediation.

lostdad Sun 21-Jun-15 14:13:48

No you don't. Simple as that.

The bottom line is that you are trusted to ensure your DC are only in contact (or cared for) by suitable persons. Would he want a run down of everyone that comes into contact with them - friends, other family members, etc.?

Starlightbright1 Sun 21-Jun-15 23:26:02

Nope..Just ignore requests..Tell him due to unreasonable behaviour with previous childminder you won't be giving this information. I am a childminder and have worked with seperated families but my job is to care for a child not be in the middle of a split. If it is for one afternoon 2 hours a week it really would not be worth the hassle if it got messy. though you would still have my sympathies.

PR gives him right to info about school not childminders

springalong Tue 23-Jun-15 23:03:17

I had this situation last year and my legal team advised me to share the information. I felt it was controlling behaviour.

Baffled2012 Tue 23-Jun-15 23:16:43

Wouldn't you want to know who was looking after your children if the shoe was on the other foot and he had organised a childminder?

Starlightbright1 Wed 24-Jun-15 07:46:35

You can't apply that argument Baffled when she lost her childminder before over his behaviour and it is for 2 hours only a week. He also gives no information back so it is not the same thing at all.

lostdad Wed 24-Jun-15 09:13:17

springalong - sounds right. There CAB be a difference between what is legal and what is considered reasonable.

A good example is where a child lives. It's reasonable to want to know where the child lives (when with the other parent) but it's not a legal `right'. In cases where I have assisted non resident parents I have asked the other party saying it isn't an unreasonable request.

They can say `no' of course, but it can demonstrate hostility.

By way of contrast too...although it's also not unreasonable to want to know who your child spends time it can come across as a little controlling if you want a list of absolutely everyone.

The understanding is that the parents should trust each other enough to know the child will only be allowed to spend time with suitable people. If not, it's often just a device to punish each other and make a cheap point.

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