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Changing daughters surname at school

(25 Posts)
siobhaninyarm Sun 07-Jun-15 22:49:31

hi everyone. I was wondering if there was anyone around who could offer me some advise on something that's been bothering me for a while. My little girl is now 4 and a half and attends nursery, due to start reception in September. Her father and I split when she was a year old and after an abusive couple of year following that and a stressful court case, he now does not see her and is not allowed any contact with me, he is allowed to send a card once a month to DD but the novelty of this has clearly wore off now! Father is named on the birth cert and DD has his surname... I know I have to have his permission to legally change her name and im not likely to get that anytime soon but im wondering is there a way that I can have the schools and docs and everyone else have her as a kind of 'known by name' but on all paperwork her birth name??? She is now aware of her name and of mine being different and has been asking if she can use my name instead.
Any help on the subject would be greatly appreciated smile

Pipbin Sun 07-Jun-15 22:54:08

Just go in and tell them the situation.
Same thing but the other way round happened to a kid in my class a few years ago. Mum married and the daughter from a pervious relationship wanted to be known by the same name as her mum and new sister. I just got a note from the office one day saying her name had changed.

siobhaninyarm Sun 07-Jun-15 22:57:43

Wow, that easy? Great, looks like I'll be making a trip to that dark corner of the school they call the office in the morning! thank you

Earthbound Sun 07-Jun-15 23:00:48

Yes at my DDs school it would be easy too. They have a form when you register with boxes for 'legal surname/first name' and 'preferred surname/first name'. Good luck!

caravanista13 Sun 07-Jun-15 23:05:22

I'm sorry, but in my school we wouldn't change a child's name without the father's permission.

Pipbin Sun 07-Jun-15 23:07:49

Ah, yes, I guess in the situation I had it was all with permission of both parents and the paperwork was busy going through.

I'd go and talk to the office though, what harm can it do?

siobhaninyarm Sun 07-Jun-15 23:46:10

Thanks everyone, im feeling abit more hopeful now smile I will drop by the office tomorrow and see what happens, will let you all know!

5madthings Sun 07-Jun-15 23:51:25

They can have a "known as " name recorded as well as the name on the birth certificate our school forms have a place for both on the forms. I know lots of parents that do this, some add a double barrel rather than drop the fathers name completely.

UseHerName Sun 07-Jun-15 23:52:45

I had to get a court order for our school angry

I think head teacher thought that the father wouldn't give his permission for such a thing but actually he did,and it turned out I wasn't lying about his couldnt-give-a-fuck attitude after all

momtothree Sun 07-Jun-15 23:55:39

Useful info.

meglet Mon 08-Jun-15 09:02:33

school have let me add my surname to double barrel the dc's surnames on non official stuff like exercise books. They said they couldn't change the register though.

I was getting mightily peed off with being called 'Mrs bloggs' so decided to make sure people realised that cos name wasn't my name and I was my dc's mother.

XP long gone and wouldn't give permission to double barrel even if asked.

Chubbers14 Mon 08-Jun-15 10:03:14

I changed my sons second name to mine by deedpoll with no questions asked as hes not botthered since he was born! All you need to do once you recieve it is get someone who knows your daughter but not family to sign it to make it official then you should be able to change it at docs n stuff as thats what i have done, all i needed to do was show them the deedpoll documents

lostdad Mon 08-Jun-15 10:17:05

I have known some schools to do this, but they shouldn't.

Under the Children Act if you wish to change a child's name a) all holders or PR have to consent to the change or b) you have to get a court order. If you want to to the latter you would have to convince the court that such an order is in the best interests of the child.

*Children Act, Part 2, Section 13:

no person may—

(a)cause the child to be known by a new surname.*

There is no such things as a `known as' name. I have heard people say that `Well...she's got an official name but we always use this one instead'. Schools that do this are breaking the law - as above...`no person'.

Finally ...deedpolls don't overrule the Children Act.

5madthings Mon 08-Jun-15 13:29:15

You can be known by any name that you want. The forms from our local authority when applying for school places specifically have boxes for birth certificate name and 'known as'.

This is why if you are not married you should at least double barrel or give a child the mothers name, if a father fuck off and has nothing to do with a child why should thy keep his name. Ditto for mothers that disappear. Dh and I gave the madthings both surnames, they go together well thankfully. I have kept my name after marriage and dh has his, we thought about double barrelling ourselves but couldn't be arsed with the paperwork changes.

Once your child is old enough they can apply to change themselves if they wish or you can do it through court application, why is it in the best interests of a child to have a name of a parent that has nothing to do with them? If a parent, mother or father buggers off they should be able to use the name of the parent that is their main carer.

Pipbin Mon 08-Jun-15 16:16:53

Lostdad I have known many under 18s both professionally and personally who have changed names, most commonly when the mother has married and taken the new husbands name. Were all of them false?

lostdad Mon 08-Jun-15 18:18:10

`False' isn't the right word. `Unlawful' would be a better one.

Just because you aren't stopped from doing something unlawful doesn't make it legal.

Much in the same way as not getting stopped for doing 130 on the M25 doesn't mean the 70mph speed limit is `false'.

Lonz Mon 08-Jun-15 18:21:10

Schools and that don't need any official documents for you to change her name. When she is 16, you will be able to do it by deed poll without father's permission.

YonicScrewdriver Mon 08-Jun-15 18:23:12

Pip, in some if those cases, the father may not have had PR or may have given consent

meglet Mon 08-Jun-15 19:24:57

Going over the speed limit could kill someone.

Adding a surname to the surname of a child who has had no contact with an abusive parent for many years is practical.

HeadDoctor Mon 08-Jun-15 19:27:59

its still not legal to change it without either the permission of those with PR or a court order.

lostdad Tue 09-Jun-15 14:14:57

If any parent wishes to change a child's name the parth is clear: Get the permission of all holders of PR. Or make an application to convince a court that it is in the best interests of the child. Presuming you believe that your reason for doing so is good you'll have no problem getting an order.

If you fail to do so and instead actively choose to break the law your motives are possibly suspect.

PrivateEquityChap Tue 09-Jun-15 15:36:59

"following that and a stressful court case" suggests that there may be a child arrangements order in force. If that is the case then (certainly on more recent ones) paragraph in bold writing on the front page

"Where a Child Arrangements Order is in person may cause the child to be known by a new surname...without the written consent of every person person with parental responsibility for the children or the leave of the court."

meglet Tue 09-Jun-15 16:16:04

even if you go to court you must prove you have tried to contact the absent parent, I had this out with a solicitor who told me that because XP had PR they would still want to try and ask him.

I refuse to try and contact someone who was abusive to us. so the informal double barrelled surnames stay.

babyalan13 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:09:29

I did it!!!! And not a northern Ireland you can use a preferred surname!! My daughter is 4 as well unfortunately her father is a child abusing scum!! Found out when she was born . but I got married last year. And now she has took my married name. Because as far as she is concerned my husband is her daddy. People might disagree with that! But that's tough! She's happy. That's all that matters

lostdad Wed 10-Jun-15 09:57:13

Northern Ireland, like Scotland is a different jurisdiction to England & Wales - it has different laws. In Northern Ireland and Scotland it is legal to have a `known as name'. But not in England & Wales.

I always wonder what a parent who changes the kid's name to her latest new husband's does if she divorces him.

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