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please someone talk some sense into me

(11 Posts)
orangutanhihio Sat 06-Jun-15 16:57:16

My ex has dd aged three each Saturday, during the day, he brings her back about 5pm.

Earlier I'm the week he mentioned taking her to his parents house, which is two hours away. I agreed but didn't agree to him keeping her there overnight. I've just had a call to tell me he's bringing her back tomorrow sad I'm panicking as I feel completely cut out of the discussion, rationally I know he'll bring her back tomorrow but it's against our residence agreement (I have sole residence) and she's never stayed away before sad

I know I'm being stupid and irrational, but I miss her already and I hate him for disrespecting my feelings like this. He's not helpful most of the time, quite disrespectful towards me, but I know I should encourage a good relationship between him and dd even though he made our relationship impossible.

VoyageOfDad Sat 06-Jun-15 17:13:22

Ok......

Totally understandable you feel pain at the thought of your dd being away from you... Its a nutural feeling.

Totally understandable he'd like overnights. If he loves his daughter and she loves him.

He should have told you, but possibly he knew you'd say no.

Him having overnights will have benefits in the future though. It doesnt need to be a negative thing....

Starlightbright1 Sat 06-Jun-15 17:19:18

To be honest...I would be furious...Not because DD is staying away just I would want to prepare my DC and let her know when I would see her... I think you need to have the conversation...Does he want overnights so this is planned for her sake.

orangutanhihio Sat 06-Jun-15 17:19:32

Thanks Voyage! I know that rationally it's fine for him to have her overnight, I need to get over this hurdle...I agree it's a good thing in the long run.

orangutanhihio Sat 06-Jun-15 17:24:07

Thanks Starlight. My first reaction was anger, as he's gone ahead without my consent and I have her tea ready etc sad

I think she's probably quite happy to stay over with him, though I'd rather she stay with me always. Actually I'd rather if he'd wanted to stay together but that's another story...having to spend time away from your child is a horrible part of being a single parent imo.

VoyageOfDad Sat 06-Jun-15 17:34:44

Orangu

Like i said i totally understand your feelings.. if its any solice , being a non resident parent and not seeing your dc for days on end is pretty tough too...

It'll get easier. I hope you can sort things out in the long term.... Assuming he's not a risk and has a suitable home, overnights should be something that start soonish.....

It's good for your dd, and it gives you a break....

Why dont you give a friend a call, its a beautiful day ( here at least ) go and have a nice evening with a good friend...

undoubtedly Sat 06-Jun-15 17:46:42

I'd be furious at him doing this unilaterally with no discussion.

He is not putting your dd first and treating her like an object. It's utterly disrespectful of him not to give her (or you) any time to prepare.

I'd be fucking fuming.

If he wants her overnight then it's obviously time for you to change the contact agreement (with plenty of notice and agreement from everyone)to include overnight.

He's sounds a fucking entitled prick.

AlternativeTentacles Sat 06-Jun-15 17:51:32

I don't know the guy in question but how do we know that having to spend time away from your child is a horrible part of being a single parent isn't the same for him?

You chose to have a child with someone, it is not unreasonable to let him have her at his parents' house overnight just the once.

meglet Sat 06-Jun-15 17:54:34

I'd be pissed off too.

Overnights should be planned in advance.

undoubtedly Sat 06-Jun-15 17:57:53

No ones disagreeing with you Tentacles.

However, I like to know where I'm sleeping of an evening. For a three year old being forewarned is even more important.

You don't just decide your three year old isn't going home to mummy, I don't give a fuck how much you miss them.

BackInTheRealWorld Sat 06-Jun-15 18:00:17

I don't think he should have gone about it the way he did but I think it unfair of you to point blank refuse.

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