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ex giving ds food which makes him ill

(10 Posts)
NAR4 Sun 31-May-15 21:37:16

Emotionally abusive ex keeps giving 2yr old ds food with cow milk protein in eg chocolate, cakes, biscuits, ice cream, even though he knows it gives him a severe upset tummy. Ds goes to ex's for day once every weekend and is on the toilet within the hour, for about an hour, when he returns. Ex insists it doesn't affect ds and I'm being deliberately difficult. I have even provided a shopping bag for ex with a variety of dairy free products, for him to take home and see what he likes to give ds. He returned all the shopping unused and said he didn't need my help. What, if anything can I do?

BlackeyedSusan Sun 31-May-15 22:04:15

Who diagnosed him, what proof do you have that it makes him ill? (letter from hospital?) does ex have a copy of this or is it just your say so? (correct though that may be)

perhaps visit your gp on a monday describing the symptoms and asking for allergy testing if you have not done so.

talk to your health visitor. see if she will speak to ex. anything to get it on record that he is being an idiot/someone to put pressure on him to stop.

NAR4 Sun 31-May-15 23:12:06

Been to gp who first thought ds was lactose intolerant, but has now said cow milk protein intolerant. Asked gp for letter of diagnosis for ex. She said it was ridiculous and ex had every legal right to access ds medical records if he wanted to check for himself. As for proving ds has upset tummy, only nursery, but depending on what he has eaten and how much, it can be one lot (evening when he gets home), or over several days. Not as clear as upset tummy every Monday after being at dads.

I have 4 boys and a girl. my older boys were cow milk protein intolerant when young, so it wasn't out the blue. Think ex likes the inconvenience he knows it will cause me with ds often soiling himself for days after.

wellysrule Mon 01-Jun-15 12:04:18

I think that is really cruel of him. I've heard of some people who give their kids loads of sweets before handing their kids to the other parent in order to make their ex's lives harder but this is waaaaayyyyy worse, as it will be distressing to your son as well as you.

I'd go back to the GP and explain that whilst he has every legal right to access your son's medical records he has not bothered to do so, so actually you do need a letter clarifying what your son can eat/not eat.

How very frustrating for you, I hope you get it sorted out soon.

InstitutionCode Mon 01-Jun-15 12:12:57

I'm surprised at the GP's reaction. I know a father who was granted sole custody because the mother refused to adhere to the child's dietary requirements (although he was under GOSH for a different condition)

I agree go back to GP.

Penfold007 Mon 01-Jun-15 13:05:42

This is child abuse by your ex. Go back to your GP practice and ask for the letter again, they may charge you.

Give ex a copy of the letter and keep a food and health diary for your son. Obviously you may only be able to list the food you give him or that your older DCs say he ate at his dad's.

If he continues to give him food he can't eat then stop access and contact social services.

Starlightbright1 Mon 01-Jun-15 21:05:50

I agree with the others but maybe the HV will be more helpful? If you can't resolve this I do think you need to take legal advise..

NAR4 Mon 01-Jun-15 21:55:28

Have an appointment on 14th with nursery nurse (basically does HV job here). Will ask her to write me a letter re ds diet, to give ex. She is very helpful. I already keep a food diary, along with nursery, but predictably ex refuses to note what he feeds ds. I do have one small piece of evidence where after I questioned what ds had eaten as he had been on the toilet late in the evening for over an hour, ex text me saying ds had eaten some chocolates before he could stop him. I'm sure if these 'accidents' keep happening it will at least look rather poor with regards to ex ensuring ds's diet is stuck to.

Just for Wellysrule, ex has always jacked the children up on sugar before returning them. He also kept my youngest in nappies for months after he had been potty trained (causing Hugh confusion and lots of accidents for a couple of days after being at ex's). He also keeps any clothes children wear to his house and maintains(ridiculous as it is) that they weren't wearing anything when he collected them. I completely ignore all the behaviour, as it's all just for a reaction. I send children in charity shop clothes or handmedowns from friends. Dc don't get to do any parties, weddings, play dates, pre school fetes, dance shows etc, on days ex has them. His solicitor wrote to mine (only way he will have any form of communication) saying "it is by far in the best interest of the children, to spend the very limited time your client allows contact, enjoying quality time with their devoted father" puke! Just for the record I have maintained ex can see the children any time other than when they are in bed.

Sorry that turned into a massive rant. Ex irritates the life out of me with his carry on, but I can't complain and let him know.

wellysrule Tue 02-Jun-15 23:35:47

NAR4 you sound like you are doing an amazing job, and keeping calm in the face of real adversity! Ex sounds like a dick. I also hate the solicitor jargon you described, they are money grabbing, with ill thought out ideas, bastards!

You lose clothing every time they go to their dad's? That is incredibly frustrating. I don't know what to suggest other than a written out itinerary of what they took with them? How do you do hand overs? Could you check it off together? Probably not being as he'll only communicate by solicitor.

I hope things get better soon for you, let us know how the 14th goes etc


Sammasati Sat 06-Jun-15 12:46:54

This man is deliberately poisoning his child, you need to take steps to prevent this, those steps may mean that contact is stopped until he stops this child abuse.

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