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So pissed off...

(44 Posts)
Letitgoletitgo Thu 21-May-15 18:11:05

What exactly is the point of having a court finance order on divorce, when it is only legal for a year and my ex changes it at every second?!

My exh walked out on me and 2 DCs 3 years ago. He continued to pay the mortgage plus maintenance for another 18months. We then sold the house and I moved to rent with new DP. We agreed outside of CSA, as dh was a high earner, he would pay me £1500pm and then drop to £1000pm once both DCs were at school.
A year ago exh lost his job. He got another, but lower paid, so payments dropped to £1000pm.
My DP pays half of all house bills, but other than that our finances are separate. He has recently taken out a loan to get himself a (rather flashy) new car. Nothing to do with me.
Exh has hit the roof and says we obviously have "too much money" and he will reduce payments, as of next week, to £750pm. I think he is honestly going to continue doing this until he is paying only CSA rates! I don't understand why he can't see that mine and DP keep our money seperate. Perhaps I should be insisting on a cut of whatever he spent on his whores engagement ring, or the cost of their wedding?! He says he is going to spend the extra money on a holiday with DCs which has "never been able to afford" - despite the multiple trips abroad he and his DP have been on over the past few years. My DP and I have never been away together, we save for one week in a caravan every year with the DCs :0(

(I appreciate that it sounds like I get a lot of money, so sorry for sounding greedy to those of you who get a lot less, but we live in an area where that won't even cover my half of the rent but I am not entitled to any other benefits. It is also the principle that we can make a long term financial agreement, have it legalised by the court, only for him to keep changing it and me to have to continually adapt)

Do I actually have a leg to stand on if I took this argument further, or will I just be told to cut back and suck it up?

NobleLocks Thu 21-May-15 18:56:44

Why does he pay such a high amount? Is it the CSA guidelines?
I'm sorry I don't understand

webman25 Thu 21-May-15 20:14:27

If he is paying you more than CSA guidelines, what's the issue. Surely your outgoings are not an extra £1000pcm because you have the children? I'm with noblelocks, am I missing something here?

mineofuselessinformation Thu 21-May-15 20:24:45

He's paying you more than the csa rate - you need to think hard about that.
The fact that you've called his partner a whore is unlikely to gain you much sympathy.

SurlyCue Thu 21-May-15 20:31:27

CSA calculation is a minimum guideline. OP shouldnt have to put up at shut up when he agreed a set amount for a set time and is now reneging on it just because it is more than the minimum he would be forced to pay through CSA.

NerrSnerr Thu 21-May-15 20:32:28

You do seem to be getting lots. Are you working to help pay for holidays and things?

webman25 Thu 21-May-15 20:39:20

SurlyCue, surely £750pcm is still a generous offering, despite the mind change

SurlyCue Thu 21-May-15 20:41:45

Its not about the amount. It is what was agreed, in court.

HeadDoctor Thu 21-May-15 20:47:19

Is the maintenance part of the court order? Is the court order still in force?

webman25 Thu 21-May-15 20:47:56

But the court order has passed now right?
I assume the year is over which is why the exh has decided to cut payments. With the information presented, I back him for cutting the payments

SurlyCue Thu 21-May-15 20:50:38

Ah so the court order has expired and it is the private arrangement he has reneged on? Is that right OP?

SurlyCue Thu 21-May-15 20:52:22

I think OP said he decided to cut payments because he wrongly assumed OP had more money than she had due to her partner getting a new car.

webman25 Thu 21-May-15 21:16:38

Yes that's how I read it, which isn't the best reason to give I agree.

SurlyCue Thu 21-May-15 21:34:45

Well its not great, and maybe he genuinely believes he is giving too much but i think it might have been fairer for him to have a discussion with OP first of all to ascertain the facts rather than just deciding he knew them and changing their agreement. OP could decide that she thinks the DCs dont get enough time with their dad and suddenly start dropping them off with him on tuesday evenings but it wouldnt be very fair to do so without a discussion to make sure that it worked for all involved. I think the same should stand for the financial agreement they made.

Letitgoletitgo Thu 21-May-15 23:17:19

It is a lot of money, but he earns around £100k. We have 2 dcs, now age 5 and 3, were together 12 years and married 5 until he had an affair and walked out, leaving me with a 1yr old and a newborn. So I'm sorry I call his DP a whore but I'm afraid to me that's all she will ever be.

The amount was high a) because of his earnings, b because of leaving my career to bring up our children (as agreed by him) and c because of their young ages. Out seems all court orders only last a year, so why there had to be so much stress over the amounts, writing in clauses for the reductions when children are school age etc etc I don't know, because it is all now pointless.
£750 is only marginally above the CSA minimum on his earnings.. I have returned to work pt, with two very young children - until my youngest is at school working full time with childcare costs is pointless.
I am angry because he has literally emailed and told me this - expect £250 less as of next week. He specifically says if my DP can buy a nice car then we obviously have too much money. So basically the suggestion is that if dp or I ever save to buy ourselves something nice, it must mean he is paying too much maintenance?!
As I say, I appreciate it sounds a lot of money to receive still, but DP and I get no other benefits. Rent is £1300pm, plus council tax, bills, food, petrol. I have to pay £500pm childcare to work pt. That extra £250 is really needed!

Just feels like exh is calling all the shots - he decides how much money and when, I have no say in it. If he fancies dropping the amount for a reason that is quite frankly nothing to do with him and none of his business (I would never want to know what his dp spends her money on?!) then be can just do it.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 21-May-15 23:22:15

I don't see how 750 is above the minimum if he earns a 100k

Are you quite sure confused

Letitgoletitgo Thu 21-May-15 23:24:59

Yep - commission though so I'll only get maintenance as percentage of his basic salary

Letitgoletitgo Thu 21-May-15 23:25:35

He's stashing all his bonuses away to pay for his second wedding

LaurieFairyCake Thu 21-May-15 23:27:20

Well then his story about never being able to take them on holiday is just bollovks

What with that 6k a month he has hmm

I'm surprised it's only calculated on basic salary, that's shit

Fiddlerontheroof Thu 21-May-15 23:27:46

What you receive aside. You seem to be confusing spousal maintenance with child maintenance. Mine regulary sees fit to comment on my lifestyle, and I know if I didn't have a CSA agreement in place, he would constantly do this to me, withhold payments and generally act like an arse.

He's not got an legal responsibility to pay spousal maintenance by the sound of it, so the fact he is doing so above and beyond what he has to pay for child maintenance, is just an added bonus. Mine did that when he first left as he felt guilty...but that soon stopped. Yours also continued to pay the mortgage! More than mine managed!

I think that in all honestly, you're probably going to tie yourself up in knots trying to get him to pay more than he actually has to. It's horrible he's done this, but I'd £750 is more than he would pay based on his're probably not going to get very far going back to court.

Did you pursue a spousal maintenance order ever?

I decided not to in the end,and bargained very hard to keep the house, and equity in it's place. So long term I'm far better off. Though he pays the absolute bare minimum.

Does he have the kids overnights?

Letitgoletitgo Thu 21-May-15 23:28:35

Angry because when we sorted finances for our divorce, I agreed to selling house and splitting money from it equally. I could have asked for more as I had two tiny dcs to house, but for went this for a better maintenance deal. Also for went any claim to his bonuses or pensions for the decent monthly maintenence and now he's just taking it all back anyway.

Letitgoletitgo Thu 21-May-15 23:31:40

Fiddler, I could never have taken over the mortgage on the house we owned on my own, no way a mortgage company would put it in my name, so it had to be sold.

He has kids eow.

Fiddlerontheroof Thu 21-May-15 23:32:04

This is why I set the maintenance via the CSA, because I knew he'd screw me about. I also didn't claim on his pension.

Does he have much contact ?x

SurlyCue Thu 21-May-15 23:33:17

Where does OP say he is paying spousal maintenance?

Fiddlerontheroof Thu 21-May-15 23:33:30

I had only one mortgage company I found in the uk that would take my tax credits and maintenance as income....I just scraped it. It was very very tough sad I'm sorry, it's utterly harsh. Mine left me in similar circumstances...and then married OW. sad

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