unhappy with court order

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

am I able to change it?

a few months ago myself and exp were at court and before we even got into the courtroom we had agreed through our lawyers a set weekly rotation (as exp was gunning for 50/50 and was told there was no. chance of him getting it)

court order is as follows;

week 1 Fri 4pm-Sun 6pm (with exp)
week 2 Sat 5pm-Sun 6pm (with exp)
week 3 Fri 4pm -Sun 6pm (with exp)
week 4 no contact (with me)

it was all done very quickly, to save spending hours in court trying to justify our reasons for what we both wanted, we went into the courtroom and the judge rubber stamped it. but if I'm honest I didn't think it through as much as I should have

so now I only have one full weekend plus a Saturday til 5pm

I think it would be more fair that we each have a full weekend and split the other two within a month. Is that unreasonable to ask?

exp lives almost an hour away btw.

or eow plus a night midweek for ds to be with exp, is that unreasonable?

has anyone tried to change an order before and were you successful/unsuccessful?

[AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons]

What happens during the week?

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

during the week, DS attends pre-school Mon-Fri, which is an early morning session

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

before the case got to court, we did have an arrangement of eow plus a night midweek where exp came down to be with DS and take him for a bite to eat etc. but I think exp was keen to stop that as he didn't like coming down for just a few hours

[HeadDoctor]

Maybe suggest 1 & 3 stay as they are and weeks 2&4 dad picks up from school/4pm, has him overnight and returns to you in the morning? It's worth a try.

[HeadDoctor]

Sorry, on a Friday overnight.

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

Great idea HeadDoctor! yeah he might go for that and means I'll have just about two full weekends with DS

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

although, if and it's a massive if, exp agrees to it, the judge may not

[HeadDoctor]

The judge doesn't need to decide anything. If you and your ex agree then you can just implement it yourself. Most well written court orders include a clause for the parties to agree further/alternative contact between them.
And even if it did require a judge, it's a fairly tame request.

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

what could the further/alternative contact consist of HeadDoctor? if you don't mind me asking. (I'm so new to this)

The current court order was very poor as it only stated the 4 week cycle plus easter holidays. so exp turned up at my house demanding to have DS again for another weekend after already having him for nine nights, meaning out of the 10 day school holiday, exp expected to have DS for 11 nights! the idea of having an equal share of school holidays seemed to have passed him by, and I don't want that happening again

there was no mention of the normal weekly cycle being suspended during holiday time until both parents have an equal share, to me that was common sense but exp interpreted it differently.

I'm glad you think my request is a tame one, I'm fretting I'll be told no

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

Can I also ask what the 'norm' if there is such a thing, is for summer holidays? 3 weeks each with children out of the 6 week holiday?

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

ant the only thing with exp having DS every Fri night, is that it would become a pain if unwanted to go visit my family in Germany. usually once or twice a year I will go over on a weekend as DS has cousins the same age as him. the flight is a Fri morning and returning on Sunday. exp has made it explicitly clear that he will not, in a million years, ever change from what the court order says there will be no flexibility whatsoever for the odd thing like that

(he also now pays no child maintenance, despite being wealthy, and is a complete bully but that is another story)

[cestlavielife]

You can go to Germany on week 4..... Maybe best to stick to the order to the letter for six months see how it goes.
And just wait for the time ex decides he wants to change or swap, which will surely happen.

You went to court and it's court ordered so stick to it for now and see where you are in six months .

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

ah yes but if I was to go with HeadDoctors suggestion of exp having DS on a Friday so the weekends would be split more fairly (imo) week 4 for me would be Sat-Sun and he would not budge so that's where things would get tricky

I think your right cestlavie, best to stick to what we have at the moment but in 6 months I'll still feel the same, so thought it might be better to bring it up tomorrow when we're in court anyway rather than wait and have to go through it all for a second time.

it's so difficult for both parties

[cestlavielife]

Why are you at court tomorrow ...sorry I read the judge had stamped the order already ?

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

to see how the court order is going so far, and to discuss/agree summer and Christmas holidays

[attheendofmyteatheroncemore]

sorry he had rubber stamped the weekly cycle and easter holidays (which was interpreted wrongly by exp)

[HeadDoctor]

Just raise your concerns with the current order and propose a schedule that would work better for you.

Every other weekend, one overnight a week and half the holidays is often accepted. Once your DS is at school, it wouldn't be fair for you to only have 1 weekend in 4 IMO. Alternate half terms, 8 nights at Christmas, 8 nights at Easter and 3 weeks each in Summer.

[Sanityseeker75]

I'm surprised you are going back to court for them to find out how it is going - usually once agreed that is it until something changes. We have EW agreed through court but it became an issue for mom so we agreed between s that she has 1 in 4. Sometimes she wants us to have extra and sometimes less if she has plans, we found as long as everyone agrees and is happy to be flexible then there has never been a reason to go back. We should also have alternate Christmas and birthdays but kids always want to stay at ours from when they come at Chrsitmas until day 2nd Jan (dads bday) so we have always just had them from boxing day. Mom is happy because she wants them Christmas day and isn't bothered about the rest.

I can guarantee there will come a point when he wants to change because life changes.

[bracken123]

Hi iv spent 8 years going thru court with my ex ,and has changed order 4 times last one was last year that lasted 6 months,then wouldn't agree on weekend since christmas so never had contact until my son rang him to collect him that was a month ago, my son is 12 and apparently he can make that choice,so even though I have custody the solicitor has told me I can't do a thing about it even though my ex is in contempt of court, it basically stands for nothing because my son has made the decision.. Since then my ex refuses to let me have contact so here we go again to mediation .

[gillybean2]

As the parent with care you can take your ds away on holiday for up to 30 days. Assuming your ex has PR (is he named on the birth certificate or had it granted in court if not?) you should get his agreement to this.

If you ex refuses to agree then you can go to court and ask them for a specific issue order. I very much doubt the court would stop you taking your ds to visit his extended family in Germany. Certainly not for a weekend or a week, even 2 weeks wouldn't be unreasonable!

The only sticking point might be if your ex could show you were planning on moving there permanently and had reason to believe you wouldn't return with your ds.

[HeadDoctor]

Gilly, that's incorrect information. It's 28 days and it's only if there is a residence order/CAO stating that the children live with a particular parent. Otherwise there needs to be agreement or a specific issue order.