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is it normal to feel this lonely ? ?

(9 Posts)
edgarsuit Sat 02-May-15 10:37:32

I recently split from exdp I now live alone with my 2 children and i am feeling so incredibly lonely its unbearable ... i hate the though of not being able to cope without a man in my life and have never felt like this before but i have lost all of my confidence ..I was upset when dp and i ended relationship but it gradually ended and i new it was pretty much over this time last year we officially said it out loud in oct and separated in march. .. however i dont feel all that sad about the relationship as he has changed completely and i have spent the past year coming to terms with it , but i feel so lonely i am struggling to cope with it . i feel desperate to meet someone , which is obviously the very worst way to feel when i do eventually meet someone .
I am not close to my family at all and i have one really great best friend but she has ME and is quite different to me , she doesnt have children and isnt going to she doesnt like going out in the evening and or doing much at all as she is very ill .
I am currently on anti depressants and they are working and im taking care of myself but i want so much to be content as an individual which doesn't seem possible

is there anyone else who feels the same ?

Flowerpower41 Sat 02-May-15 14:45:07

Do you have a womens centre near you they could possibly put you on a list for a course in 'moving on from your ex' I can't remember exactly what they are called but that way you would meet other women in the same boat.

I have never needed to do that myself but I do know they exist.

Other than that it just takes time to work on the inner peace and to learn to fend for yourself.

I have been a single parent for 10 years and don't feel needy for a bloke as I have worked through all that.

In my experience if you are feeling a broken mess and a left foot you only go on and attract a fellow left foot if you see what I mean. I hope this makes sense. It is better to try and work on becoming as full a pair of shoes on your own to get a stronger partner when the time is right.

There is more to life than achieving a boyfriend and hopefully in time you will learn to experience that. I know I certainly have.

Hooking up with other single parents would also help - good luck with any womens centre options.....

HTH.

lillybee1 Sat 02-May-15 15:14:56

I'm in the same boat. Separated a few months ago and am a SAHM to a one year old. Hardly any family support, they all live miles away and no close friends in this area either. I'm completely overwhelmed, lonely and depressed. It's crap I know. I feel the only way to get out of this for the time being is to find a part-time job. Is that an option for you?

I am also tempted to go out there and meet someone but also know from experience this might help in the short term but won't in the long term. Hugs xx

Inthepastlife34 Sat 09-May-15 19:36:48

I feel the same, although I have kind of met someone but I can not introduce him to my family ( it's too soon and I'm not even sure it it's going anywhere ), most of the time I am stuck at home, have no one to look after the kids other than my ex. The evenings are the worst and I often find myself drinking. I can't see that I will ever have another serious relationship as I come with too much baggage sad.

I miss having someone to hold me, someone to talk too and someone to moan at. For me it's still very early days and I hope things will get better, I don't regret leaving my dh, it was the best thing to do but it's going to take a long time to get used to being alone.

gillybean2 Sun 10-May-15 21:27:53

One of the hardest things about being a single parent is the lonlieness. And yes lots of us have felt this way, and continue to find it difficult.

It is very hard when you have no support, no money for babysitters or going out, and noone to go out with even if you did.

There is no easy answer, but time does make things easier. You do have to give yourself enough time to move on from your last relationship and not try and rush or wonder why you haven't moved on yet. It takes far longer than you realise, but one day you'll find you are there. I've found that the general rule of thumb (1 week for every month you were together) seems about right. That may seem like a long time when you work it out, but the longer you were with someone the longer you do need to grieve for your lost relationship, and future plans, and everything that goes with it. And I promise you that one day you'll wake up and realise you've finally moved on and it doesn't hurt the way it does now.

You also need to try and love yourself and your life as a single person. If you can't be happy alone you're probably not going to be happy in a relationship either. Make time for yourself. That's not always easy if your dc are young, but story time at the library or a play group may give you that little bit of time out the house to stay sane. I used to sit in the supermarket cafe for 30 mins reading a magazine while ds was in the creche there. It was all I could afford. So I'd then get him out and do the shopping together.

Once they are at school it starts getting easier to find a little more time for yourself. Are there any hobbies or interests you have that may lead you to some new friends with similar interest? Even if you can't get to a gardening club or sewing bee, you may find there are groups online. Even playing card games or scrabble on line can help distract you and give you company of a sort and keep you busy.

Is there a gingerbread groups or other groups that meet near you? Just getting out the house can be a stepping stone. I've been going to a lone parent group for many years now. It meets once a month. I don't have much in common with other members there, but it's nice just to get out and chat and have a cup of tea with other adults who know what it is like to be a single parent. And to be able to take your dc with you and know they'll be entertained and have company too. I made a couple of friends through that group and we've been away on outting with the dc and even on holiday on mass as a group. I laugh now when I remember turning up to the first meeting with a book, as I anticipated no-one would walk to me. I've happy to say I've never taken a book with me since.

Be kind to yourself too. I always say that if you didn't manage to be the parent you wanted to be today, then there's always tomorrow. And you did the best you could today and tomorrow is another day. Stay strong and take one day at a time. It's tough, but you can and will manage.

mrsdavidbowie Sun 10-May-15 21:34:32

Oh I do sympathise.
I divorced last month ( thank god) and feel so much happier...I have teens so its much easier than being stuck at home with little ones.
But Ds spent some time in hospital a couple of weeks ago and I found out yesterday I have to go back to the drs about an abnormal scan.
Those are the times when you wish you had someone there for support.
I have no family really.

Inthepastlife34 Sun 10-May-15 21:40:53

My dc's are school age ( which helps a little ), I do have hobbies but they are not very sociable hobbies. I don't really have problems meeting men but I smile scared of taking thing further as I know they are likely to run when they meet my dc's. I want to have fun and date men but I'm not sure I can every take it further and introduce them into my family, maybe in time this will change. My dc's are fab, they are easy going and would happily welcome anyone into our family but they are also very different from most children, they can be hard work at times and they still take up a lot of my time despite being a bit older. I think a outsider looking into my home would think my life is chaos and very different from normal family life.

I have never really been alone for very long, the longest was before I met dh, I was on my own for a year and everything was good but I still missed having someone. I married dh when I was 22 which was too young, we rushed into things without thinking sad. I know I need to get used to being alone but it's hard, I want someone to share problems with, someone who I can talk to about the dc's but I feel that's too much to put on anybody.

honey86 Sun 07-Jun-15 23:09:24

I do feel very sad. Ive been single for 2 years and all my relationships ended, one with death and the rest with other women. I feel so bitter and jealous when i see others having their wedding (i know thats an awful thing to say sad) days while i just get screwed over. My self esteem is in the dumps im alone with 4 kids im starting to think- maybe im just unloveable... Maybe im just destined to be alone, to never have my own special day, to never have that companionship for long. Maybe im just unworthy, n other women deserve it more.

honey86 Sun 07-Jun-15 23:11:28

Im sorry to sound so negative... Just mean i relate to u xxthanks

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