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ideas wanted for dealing with emotionally abusive ex

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NAR4 Fri 01-May-15 09:59:44

Summery of some of his behaviour;
-Constantly, through mediation and solicitors, accuses me of stopping him having contact with children and threatening to take me to court (completely untrue)
-Refuses to close joint account and now seems to have taken a credit card out with my address, causing problems with my benefit (financial transactions by him from this address, making it appear he still lives here)
-Keeps having all my mail redirected, meaning he has had my car and house insurance, my wage slips, school letters, bank statements and solicitor letters, among other things. I've complained endlessly to Royal Mail who each time assure me they will stop my mail being redirected to him.
-Has lied to my oldest two children and also his whole family have been doing this. Those two children have been refusing all contact with me and all of my extended family for 8 months now.
-Him and his family have cut all contact (their choice not mine) with my third son, not even sending him a birthday card.
-My fourth child (only four) has been coming back from her fathers telling me things such as "daddy has bought me a new Barbie bike, but I can only have it if I live with him and not you, because you are a naughty mummy".
-My fifth (and youngest) child is lactose intolerant but ex says "well according to you anyway" and still gives him cows milk, butter, yogurts, chocolate etc, when at his, resulting in him soiling himself several times a day for most of the week, when he returns.
-He refuses to make any decisions on splitting up our financial assets as he claims "I don't deserve anything"

He left me by the way.

The emotional strain has left me feeling constantly run down and exhausted, snappy with the three children who still live with me (really bad I know) and just an emotional wreck in general. I can't carry on like this. What can I do?

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justjuanmorebeer Fri 01-May-15 18:02:09

Wow. I'm really sorry. So much of your situation sounds scarily similar to mine sad it really is.
wrt the cows milk, I am having EXACTLY the same problem. What I have done so far is seen the dietician, GP, health visitor to 'report' this happening. This is to get a paper trail in her notes so is extra evidence should things end up in court.
All the health professionals were utterly horrified and said it would come under the same thing as intentionally poisoning a child if you took things further.

Wrt the post that he has, I don't really know about this but I would think that if youd asked them already then royal mail would stop the redirection. I have heard that it is an offence to open others post, look into whether this is a police matter?

Have you contacted womens aid?

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NAR4 Fri 01-May-15 21:24:50

Have already intentionally made a paper trail of ds lactose intolerant, by seeing gp and health visitor. He was referred to the hospital when ex and me were still together, so ex is just using it as a two fingers up at me, knowing it leaves me having to deal with lots of pooed pants. Like all the other behaviour, I can't prove he is doing it though.

Reported mail being wrongly redirected four times now, to just be told they would inform the sorting office, to ensure it didn't happen again, but it still does.

Spoken to Women's Aid, who said ex showed classic behaviour for someone who is controlling and both financially and emotionally abusive. They were nice and sympathetic but couldn't offer any possible solutions to any of the problems. They gave me some local contact details to sort out a restraining order, but those contacts said I could only get one if there was a history of violence, which had been repeatedly reported to the police.

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bibliomania Sat 02-May-15 12:08:16

Hi NAR4, that sounds incredibly painful.

On a practical note, about the credit card issue, it's possible to ensure that your finances are officially noted as separate - have a look at point 8 on this MSE page.

On Royal Mail, I think you need to go higher up the chain. A guide on how to do so is available from Consumer Deals I haven't tried it myself, but it sounds sensible.

I know it doesn't address the underlying issue of his spite but sometimes all you can do is try to minimise the impact.