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help and support needed(3 Posts)
Can't believe I'm writing this, that this has become my story, but I guess this is what they call life...please be kind to me.
I've been in a relationship with a man who has been extremely emotionally abusive to me - a dance where he has convinced me he will get better, change etc, but continues to have terrible tempers that flare up without warning. He has been in therapy - my idea, which didn't help as I don't think he really opened up one bit. At one point he said he was suicidal and I wasn't sure whether it was attention seeking or not. He also seemed struck by a comment that the therapist made that he could potentially become violent. He has never actually been physical in any way. He also went to the GP and was prescribed drugs to calm him down which he refused to take.
A few months ago he convinced me he loved me, wanted to be with me, and wanted to work towards having children with me. This was after a lot of drama, hours of talking, convincing me he could put everything behind him, etc.
Long story short, I became pregnant accidentally some time after that. In hindsight, I should have trusted my intuition more but I wanted him to be different so badly and he was so convincing in his affection for me.
Since becoming pregnant, his moods have sporadically flared up again and I have had much less tolerance for it. His emotional support has been sporadic to say the least and he has said some horrible things. I have now said enough is enough and have ended things entirely.
I feel very calm now so I know I have made the right choice. However, I would like some advice. He currently lives some distance away from me and now I have said it's over he's not planning to move to be closer to me.
I want my child to know who his / her father is, but I'm very very concerned about him having any form of custody at this point. This is because I'm not convinced he will be either a stable or positive influence in the child's life. If I could know for certain that he would be a positive influence, I might feel differently although understandably my feelings are quite raw at this point. The way his moods have flared up, he could seem ok for a while and then completely turn. I should add he currently has no income. He has no experience raising children. He lives in completely unsuitable accommodation. And I intend to b/f my child for at least a year. I am very much looking forward to becoming a mother.
I don't want any added stress at this point and the way things have been between me and the father I don't see things working out amicably. If they could obviously I would be happy. However, wishful thinking got me into this situation in the first place and I have serious concerns at this point for the welfare of the child I am carrying. The idea of the father having the child on his own without me there is extremely scary. Thank you for your comments and please be gentle...
first things first, does he want to see the baby when it's been born? If he doesn't then personally I wouldn't to and make him. If he does then you could speak to women's aid for legal advice, maybe a contact centre might be needed.
Despite his lack of emotional support, yes, he does want to see the baby. He has quite a controlling personality and that's why I am so fearful.
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