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feeling completely alone!!(4 Posts)
I am a single young parent, (child's father is not involved never has been) I feel as though I'm failing as a parent for some months now my child has been asking for his father I have done all I can to make his dad see what he is missing out on not being apart of our child's life and tried to make him see how his actions are affecting our child, my son has blamed me for not being able to see his dad! He has cried over not having a dad and not knowing who his dad is, my son has lashed out at me for not being able to his dad, (kicking, slapping, spitting) I have put a lot of hard work and effort into making sure my son has a happy stable life and I feel as though his dad is ruining all that, my sons father isn't interested at all, I have no one to talk to this about I feel completely alone! And to top it all off just over a year ago I was diagnosed with depression, I kept this to myself, I just don't want anyone to know about this, I didn't take my medication though because at the time I was in a very bad place, I haven't visited my GP since my diagnosis and I wish I could pluck up the courage to as I'm in a bad place mentally right now and have been for a long time, please help?
How old if your ds?
Please stop beating yourself up about it. You've done all you can to make your ex step up. He's never going to do it. My ds's dad is the same and chose not to be part of his life before he was even born. So I do know how hard it is for you as a parent, but also for your ds. I was also adopted as a baby so I do also undertsand how it feels to know nothing about your parents and background and that desire and nee dto know never goes away (at least it didn't for me).
My own ds also asked for his dad, wanted to see photos, and once told me his dad 'owes him'. When I asked what he owes him he told me time. Ds had a particularly hard time when he started school and saw lots of children had dads (even if they didn't live with them they had relationships with them). Up til then he hadn't known any different to how we were/are. He also had another wobble ages 8 when I split with my new partner saying he wanted a dad and please could he write to his own dad and why wouldn't I marry him. It is so sad for ds but I know I did everything I could. I answer his questions as best I can. I always try and be honest as much as I can without hurting him further, and if I don't know the answer or why I simply say that.
Explain to your ds that you have asked his dad but he says he can't be there for him and that you know that this is hard for him. Say you don't understand why and it is not anything he has done but is about his dad not being able to do it and what a shame that his dad is missing out on knowing him and being part of his life.
Children tend to think they did something bad or wrong to make their parent behave this way. I told my own ds that it was nothing he had done, how could it have been when his dad hadn't even met him and did this before he was born. That I love him very much and will always be here for him.
Do you have any contact with your ex's parents? Would they be interested/willing to be part of his life. It has helped my ds enormously to know his paternal grandparents love and care for him (even though he has never met them). They live abroad but regularly write and send him presents at christmas and his birthday. I did have to ask them not to mention their son though as ds had all kinds of questions I couldn't answer when they once mentioned him in a letter.
Your ds needs help to deal with his anger and feelings. Please do go and see your doctor and get him the help he needs. While there you could also talk about your own issues and help you need. I know it's not easy and you want to be able to cope and manage. But you and your ds need help and the doctor is the first step to you both getting it. Believe me when I say the doctor has seen and helped people with far more difficult issues than yours. So please don't be embarassed. They are there to help you be well, and that includes your mental health and wellbeing, but they can only do that if you ask for the help.
Your son needs you to be strong for him too, so please get the help you both need so you can be there for him and be the best parent you can manage to be. Big hugs, you will get through this.
Hi thank you for your reply, much appreciated! And my son is 4 almost 5, I am in contact with my sons fathers mum, she very rarely see's my son and doesn't ask about him unless I contact her first, I feel like giving up on my sons dads side of the family as I don't feel they put in enough effort to see my son or even ask about him, I'm always as honest as I possibly can be with my son about his dad, but it just seems like no matter what I say to him he's just in so much emotional pain over this, as like you mentioned my son to does see his friends with there dads and wonders why he doesn't see his daddy, I have gotten so stressed out about this it has lead me to have panik attacks thinking my son will hate me when he's older because I can't give him the one thing he really wants. His dad. I know I am a damn good mum my son tells me all the time that I'm the best mummy in the world, it just hurts to know he's been rejected by his own father, I know I'm not the only person going through this, its just I struggle to deal with it sometimes because I know how much it hurts my son
So sorry to hear your story OP it just makes my blood boil when I hear about these f..king fathers that should never have a chance to be gifting with a child.... These men that abandon their children should be castrated and should never be able to father another child!!
My heart goes out to my own children, to yours and to all the other little soles who feel rejected by these so called sperm givers.
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