So exp left 5 weeks ago now. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and it transpires he was having an emotional affair (so he says) whilst we were trying for a baby, which is now a full blown relationship.
We have dd who is 2 and I've had a diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder which I'm having help for under the mh team and with a private therapist. I can't pretend this would've been easy to live with but he tried for a baby with me, why would he do that if things were so bad? He said he was weak and felt trapped, he's now pushing for me to have a termination. I was bleeding at the weekend and he was hoping for a miscarriage.
I don't know who he is anymore, I still want to be a family because I feel like the real him is inside there somewhere and I see it when he's calm and rational and we talk about going to relate etc.
But mostly he is vile, it's a torrent of verbal abuse and door slamming, shouting and swearing and walking out when he comes for contact with dd. She's terrorised by this. He's now stopped all contact for a week he says but I'm not going to just let him have contact again and keep yoyo ing in and out of her life.
I don't know how much of his anger is guilt or directed at me because of my mental health in the past. Since he's left I have been calm and rational, not shouted or screamed or done anything although I wasn't always like this.
I think I am probably being unreasonable with regards to contact but we always said he wouldn't make me do anything I wasn't comfortable with and I wouldn't stop him seeing her so the arrangement is that he comes here for bath time 2 evenings and every other weekend but doesn't stay. He wants her overnight at his but I'm not prepared for that for the following reasons:
He would have his new gf there when they've only been together 5 weeks (again so he says)
He has such anger at the moment that I fear for her safety
He won't give me the address
He admitted that when he's had her before he didn't care for her properly ie clean her teeth, put her to bed on time etc
When she came back to me she wasn't clean, was very very distressed and had uti
He has form for not returning her
She isn't eating or sleeping properly in her own home at the moment and her behaviour has deteriorated and I feel she needs to feel secure before going anywhere else.
We are also going to be homeless because he has set up home elsewhere and housing benefit won't cover the rent. He won't allow us to stay at his whilst we search for a house or are on the housing register so we will be evicted with court fines (for him too as its joint tenancy) and bailiffs. I don't understand how any human or father for that matter can make their child homeless.
So after his week of no contact, if he makes contact I will be informing him that he needs help for his anger and we need mediation before his contact with dd can resume.
I wake up all through the night and just can't believe this is my life nor understand why he is doing these things
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I need to rant and maybe some advice
10 replies
2little2late2change4now · 18/03/2015 06:40
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