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just need to vent

(4 Posts)
fedupbutfine Fri 13-Mar-15 22:11:09

Been divorced many years now. Children still relatively young. Mother's Day is a 'thing' for me and important to the children. They were at their father's yesterday and whilst he sent them with presents for me, he also had them sign cards and buy presents for the woman he recently got engaged to. She has been around for about 18 months now - this is a long time in the history of the ex and the children like her. I have no issue with her generally (the children seem to like her) but I do have issues with women who stand by men who don't pay child maintenance (and move in with a man within 2 weeks of meeting him without ever having met his children). Anyhow...

I did my best to keep a straight face and said it really doesn't matter and not to worry about it - all that matters is that we have a nice day together. Inside I am half fuming he thinks it appropriate and half terrified he's going to make some kind of play for them legally (which he'd lose, I know, but doesn't stop the worrying). They have a mother - me!

OP’s posts: |
jovialjulia Sat 14-Mar-15 09:08:23

Men just get all excited about crap like this. My ex loves to make a huge fuss of his new wife on Mother's Day. Dd will get involved in making her breakfast in bed etc. but the homemade gifts and cards from school are for me. I'm sure yours are too?

Can you think of it as nice that the dcs are learning to thank special people in their lives? I never had any recognition on Mother's Day from my dsd and I would feel quite ashamed of my dd if she made her stepmum feel that way too. I never wanted a card or a gift but a "happy Mother's Day" or a thank you would be nice.

As for the maintenance, she probably doesn't know he doesn't pay.

Easy to say but I think your ex is just getting swept up in it all and wants to impress his new wife. They don't think things through like we do

HeadDoctor Sat 14-Mar-15 09:23:28

Hmm, my DC do this with their step mum (always have, even when she was new on the scene). They have also done it for my husband. For me it's about recognising the role that my ex's fiancée and my husband play in my children's life. You will always be their only mother, that's not going to change if they recognise the role their stepmother plays in their life, trust me!

BlackeyedSusan Sat 14-Mar-15 11:46:10

What your head says and what you feel are most likely not going to match up. I have never been in this position with an actual real life person, but it was not nice about the imaginary mothers dd made up. (why could she just not had a friend like everyone else?) Must be many, many times worse for a real life person. sad


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