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court, lonely, depressed

(13 Posts)
3plusme Sat 07-Mar-15 19:24:37

I have been single a few months now and the inevitable has happened...the low point has hit.
I tried to me amicable with ex and he just kept finding ways to hurt me with no consideration of the children. He has on countless occasions requested more access and everytime I have offered with advance notice he has declined! He was having them alternate weekends fri-sun and complained this wasnt enough....i went to mediation to try and resolve the issues...he didnt attend....so I applied for a court order to stop any arguments about contact. I am representing myself and have no idea what to expect and to be perfectly honest...im scared.

I feel so alone...I have no support and as it stands at the moment the man who is so desperate to have access to his children has now dropped one night on his weekends so only has them 2 nights a month. My children are young as I feel lile im just going through the motions every day.

OP’s posts: |
confusednc Sat 07-Mar-15 19:33:43

Why are you taking it to court? I would leave it and just let him pay to take you if he's really interested. In meantime just document everything.

flowers though. I'm a few months post separation and I've hit big low after Xmas. Just take any help you can. I've been to gp and just started counselling via work. It's so hard. Go easy on yourself.

3plusme Sat 07-Mar-15 19:35:29

Im taking him to court to get a regular access plan in place for the children, I strongly believe they need routine and to know when they will be seeing their dad without them being messed about.

OP’s posts: |
confusednc Sat 07-Mar-15 19:45:45

Ok, I understand that. Will he stick to it if it's court ordered? I believe courts are quite sympathetic to having to self rep. I'm sure you can ring court for advice if you need any info too, someone will confirm that.

no73 Mon 09-Mar-15 19:51:02

A court order will not make any difference at all. It certainly didn't with mine anyway plus you can not force a non resident parent to have their child as sad as it is.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Mon 09-Mar-15 19:56:41

I wouldn't bother with the court for this. I get why you're doing it, but you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Arrange set dates and times yourself and if he doesn't turn up then there's not a great deal that you can do. A court order won't force him to spend time with your children, sadly, and it will just cause you more stress and upset. He can mess them around, court order or not.

Patchworkpatty Mon 09-Mar-15 21:29:55

I think you have the court order thing confused op. a contact order (now called a child arrangements order is for someone who wants contact with the children , normally the non resident parent to set in stone the Times he (sometimes she) gets to have time with the children. The reason being that some resident parents refuse the other parent contact - for all kinds of reasons both justifiable and not. it carries the ultimate sanction that if the children aren't made available at court ordered time, then the resident parent can be sent to prison. However it doesn't work in reverse. there is no sanction for the nrp not turning up for the contact time and if he never turns up for contact there Is nothing a court order can do to enforce it. you are wasting your court fee. I'm sorry he is being an arsenal the only thing to do is refuse him contact and let him take you to court..Maybe if he had to shell out court fees he might be more consistent.

Patchworkpatty Mon 09-Mar-15 21:31:44

arsenal !!meant arse grin

gillybean2 Tue 10-Mar-15 08:03:41

You can offer your ex any amount of contact/time with the dc, but he doesn't have to accept any of it.
On the other hand the court may order contact you don't want, or which makes it harder for you and your dc generally as it is fixed and you will be in breach of the order if you don't make them available (even if he doesn't turn up for it you have to have them ready and waiting).

A court won't order him to see the dc if/when he doesn't want too. What it will do is order you to make the dc available for contact if you are stopping him having a relationship/contact with his dc. Which you're not. So I'm not sure what you're hoping to achieve.

On the face of it there appears to be no reason for you to take him to court and it is simply an exercise in stress, money and frustration for you. You can't force someone to be the parent you or your dc wants them to be I'm afraid.

cestlavielife Tue 10-Mar-15 10:53:44

why do you want him to have more access when he clearly not interested?

if it is about giving you a break then seek other ways - other family, friends, build networks with other parents, paid baby sitters/childminders.

a court order wont make him turn up.

Starlightbright1 Fri 13-Mar-15 21:14:05

I also don't understand why you are going to court. How old are your children

A court order won't make him more reliable. One of the hardest things to accept is that an Ex doesn't value the time with their children.. You can't control how he behaves and neither will a court order

You need to offer access and when he doesn't accept document it.

I assume they are pre school...Are you getting free funding for a break..

It really does get easier as they get older.

textfan Wed 18-Mar-15 04:06:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessiegirl1 Wed 18-Mar-15 13:59:52

Hi hun iv been in your place. I did also try for getting ex to see child more.
It went through cafcass mediators firstly who work with the courts.
If he don't show up for that it's unlikely he'll show for court.
Carfcass will ask what arrangements u both prefer this will then be sent to.court and then an agreement will be made.
Don't be nervous judges are nice especially when they see your trying to make contact work.
Much love.
P.s
If nothing comes from it don't worry just keep all evidence if he ever decides he wants to see his kids properly in the future x

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