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single parent/large family

(19 Posts)
ghostspirit Sat 21-Feb-15 12:35:52

well after loads of mixed messages and game playing and stupidness from the ex. im now defo going to be a single parent and pregnant with my 5th with no input from him at all. so its just me and the kids. i do feel guilty and i have learnt there is still quite a bit of stigma towards single mums. but i know im doing the right thing for the kids. they never liked him anyway and he was not very nice towards them. its always been that he wants me, but not the kids. and he made that known by the way he acted. i do wish it had worked out different. but i do feel much better now i have accepted that it will be just me and the kids and they are happier to and my kids will always come before some bloke and i wont stay in a relationship thats not right just so i can say im not a single parent its not worth it...

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totallyjaded Sat 21-Feb-15 20:08:28

How old are your kids? What did he say when he found out about the baby? Is this your first child with him?

ghostspirit Sat 21-Feb-15 20:22:26

at first he was ok. then couple days later he gets funny then ok again for few weeks. i cant even remember the pattern of his messing about now it been so up and down. and im quite sure hes just been saying what he thinks is the right thing to say. it was just all a madness to be blunt.

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EternalBeauPlate Sat 21-Feb-15 20:42:25

Hope you get more support in this thread flowers

ghostspirit Sat 21-Feb-15 20:59:15

thankyou eternal

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totallyjaded Sat 21-Feb-15 21:17:20

So is it your first child together? Might be easier to detach from him completely if it is thats why I am asking.

ghostspirit Sat 21-Feb-15 21:19:06

yes first child together. i am detaching from him altogether. if he contacts me i will respond. but i dont think he will bother to be honest

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totallyjaded Sat 21-Feb-15 21:32:13

Yeah go do it on your own hun much better for baby if he's no dad than a part timer or none at all. I wouldn't even bother responding he doesn't deserve you or your baby if he's going to be like that now he's going to mess your head up when you are pregnant. How old is he? 20's 30's?

ghostspirit Sat 21-Feb-15 21:43:03

no jaded he's 49 thats the madness of it. like a kid.... he had said to me he does not want to see the baby because he does not want to have snap shots of the babys life like with his daughters. i dont know what it was like when they were younger. but they are in their early 20s now and are in contact with them and one lives with him. he did say something about seeing them weekends. but he back tracks on everything he says.

i had asked him to help me move washing machine. he told me to call someone out to help me. so i told him to forget it i will do it on my own as i always have al the other times i have asked for help. so he blocked me... then he unblocked me again about a week later i asked him why and he says he realises he was being an idiot. i said but nothings going to change is it so you may as well do what you want to be doing. so he said ok and blocked me again.... of course its not just about that... theres always a last straw

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totallyjaded Sat 21-Feb-15 22:08:39

I had this with my ex and its taken me a long time but I realised he is actually a sociopath. Wants things all his own way and behaves like a child. Keeping his options open etc etc etc. I'll post you a link he might be the same

totallyjaded Sat 21-Feb-15 22:10:13

www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/23/11-signs-dating-a-sociopath_n_3780417.html

totallyjaded Sat 21-Feb-15 22:13:32

Thats one article of many. Bottom line is with these men.....they don't want to take responsibility for anything. They are selfish to the core, sociopath or not

ghostspirit Sat 21-Feb-15 22:52:32

hes defo not a socilpath just an arsehole. he wanted me all the time but did not want to include my kids in anything. and he used to moan that we can hardly go out. we were going out average of once a week. i think thats quite alot.

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totallyjaded Sun 22-Feb-15 00:06:42

yeah thats a lot with 4 kids. I just think in my situati0on I want my boy to have a good example, someone to look up to. Its not the babys loss at the end of the day just his

ghostspirit Sun 22-Feb-15 00:34:53

indeed. i did not want it to turn out the way it has but i was bit shocked that a 49 year old would be like that. but when i think about it he seems younger than his age. the things like not understanding that i cant just drop everything and go out all the time. and that if i suggested taking the kids to the park or something it was like i was asking for the world he kept on about he wanted it just me and him.. then his mum told him i was using him for his car. what a stupid thing to say. then he would make comments saying my son was weird. theres more stuff of course but when i just look at that part of it. it just seems mad that a 49 year old bloke would act that way... at the start i could not fault him/ but i guess thats how it often starts

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totallyjaded Sun 22-Feb-15 13:51:26

Yes I agree totally. Little boys in long trousers springs to mind. Very very self centered of him. He shouldn't have taken up with you knowing you had 4 kids if thats what he didn't like.

ghostspirit Sun 22-Feb-15 14:17:42

yeah im now maybe he thought he could handle it but cant which is sort of fine it cant always work out. but no excuse not to bother with his child. but cant force him.

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ghostspirit Sun 22-Feb-15 14:19:02

ignore the 'yeah im'

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BlackeyedSusan Mon 23-Feb-15 23:22:49

better to be a single parent than be with an arse.

so you made a mistake picking a wrong-un, but that is probably because you are kind, and forgiving and like to think the best of people... he was an idiot for expecting a no-child relationship with someone with four children. and anyway, people make mistakes, we are all only human. those that judge the single mother for sticking around and raising her children with little support are idiots. they are picking on the wrong parent and they do not realise it could happen to anyone.

I think some people judged me when I left ex, but they did not care enough to find out that I left him at the side of the road after he thumped me in the head while he was driving the car with the children in the back and I ran away in fear of my life.

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