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Are there rules when you exp has contact? ...

(8 Posts)
nappydays1 Mon 16-Feb-15 06:36:32

My relationship with dp has broken down ( years of verbal abuse ) .. He says he is leaving & wants contact with kids . Dd is from my previous relationship ds we share .
I ll get straight to it ... I'm concerned for their safety / mental health with his family ... The sil is rude /disrespectful to them but the worst one is his mothers husband .. He has extremely creepy behaviour shall we say around both kids .. It's so uncomfortable that I have avoided visiting there as much as poss ( fortunately 3 hours away ) & do not sleep there either .. I have such a horrible gut feeling ... I don't begrudge ds seeing his grandmother but NOT staying over !
Do I have the right to not allow kids to stay there ? Has anyone had anything similar ? Be glad of some advice ta;)smile

cestlavielife Mon 16-Feb-15 09:52:22

gut feelings dont give you right to stop contact with anyone - you need some kind of hard evidence.
if you trust exp with the dc you have to trust him to look after them when theya round his family/friends.
if you have grounds for concern about particular people, speak to nspcc for advice - they may suggest you speak to ss.

if they may abuse your child this could happen in day time. it doesnt make sense to say ok in daytime but not night time...

how old are the dc?

BertieBotts Mon 16-Feb-15 09:55:57

When you say "creepy" I assume you mean in a sexual way? If so, contact Stop It Now for advice, they are very good. They have a helpline and they can advise you on what you can do, how you can keep DC safe and what your options are.

How old are DC? Old enough to tell you if they are upset by something?

26Point2Miles Mon 16-Feb-15 15:20:47

You don't have the 'right' to do anything. Your DH has up til now been responsible enough for you to bring kids up with, now you are separating that doesn't just change. If this ever went to court the judge would give your 'gut feelings' very short shrift with lack of any evidence

nappydays1 Mon 16-Feb-15 20:47:00

Thank you BertieBotts for the great advice smile, I'll give them a call .
My situation is complicated ..I would of typed chapters on here had I gone into every detail in order to give the larger state of affairs .. ( instead of just gut feelings or mothers intuition even ) .
I do sadly have a few safety incidents relating to dp & his step father & few other things that most including myself would consider not appropriate behaviour without being precious in any way . Fortunately dc are of ages where they can speak .but are impressionable like most kids are .. Appreciate the replies all the same ..I'm actually a pretty laid back person & want my kids to be safe & happy like all parents do especially when life doesn't go picture perfect smile

BertieBotts Mon 16-Feb-15 21:00:20

Yep no worries, and you probably don't want to put identifying details on here anyway. Stop It Now are very good. They helped us a lot.

Lonz Mon 16-Feb-15 23:39:39

Would a contact centre be of any help?
So you don't need to worry that she's around 'creepy' people. That way she'll see dad alone.
(I had to do this as a kid. We knew the situation that went on, so knew it was for the best.)

Would dad be adamant they/she stayed there?
I mean I think there's a thing such as 'grandparent's rights'. But there's no 'sister in law' rights I don't think! To be honest, as a parent you should be able to stop certain people from seeing your kids if you have worries about them. Fullstop.

I agree with the advice given here. If you have concerns you need to tell someone as you have a right as their mother.

cestlavielife Tue 17-Feb-15 13:16:46

if things have been reported then you can write this into any contact agreement or court order. eg not to have unsupervised contact with xx person .

yes parents should act on gut feeling - but if the parents are separated then each parent individually has to decide, and the views may differ...if ex does not see any issue with his relatives then he might take dc to see whoever he likes.
however, if there is any hard evidence that any parent is putting dc at risk then you can act on that.

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