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Best non-aggressive way to get an ex to pay child maintenance?

(5 Posts)
stellarossa Sun 15-Feb-15 14:18:54

As part of our divorce settlement 7 years ago my ex agreed to pay £x for our two children who are now 16 and 18 and will be in FT education for 1.5-2.5 years. His income is partly from a paid job, partly from rental income from a property and part from extra consultancy work which is very well paid but I think often paid in cash and not through his accountant. He has never set up a standing order and rarely pays on time but does usually pay, although I often have to chase him. In the last two years he's started making random 'deductions' with no prior consultation, sometimes for money he gives friends to give the children language lessons or the like (these are not qualified teachers though). I would like to have regular reliable child maintenance paid so I can plan - and I bear the responsibility for the vast majority of regular oust goings which are substantial as they are now teenagers an one is a serious athlete in a very expensive sport costing approx £200/month.

I don't want to take an aggressive approach, but I feel bullied and powerless and the random deductions happen every month from between £50-£200 now and make it hard for me to manage my finances. What ways have others found of getting regular child maintenance outside of the formal structures, and if I had to go down the formal route how would I do that?

totallyjaded Sun 15-Feb-15 14:45:23

Sounds to me like he has to have control. If you can, let the child maintenance service decide. It may mean a reduction in what you are getting now but it will be set every month and he will have to pay on time or the penalties will be severe. Check the child maintenance calculator and see what happens. Or give them a call.

totallyjaded Sun 15-Feb-15 14:46:43

stellarossa Sun 15-Feb-15 17:12:46

Thanks totallyjaded, I am trying to have a good and positive relationship with him for all our sakes, and avoid CMS as that would trigger a downward spiral I'm sure. However it may have to come to that… thanks for the link.

BafanaThesober Sun 15-Feb-15 17:22:31

You and I are divorcee twins!!
I have tried amicability for 12.5 years. He refuses to set up a standing order, and I have to chase monthly.
Unfortunately he decided 6 months ago to stop paying completely.
I have been to the CMS, they have made an award - I have not seen a penny yet. I have almost given up, and just accept that I have to budget without his money taken into account.

I hope you have a better result than me. I sympathise.

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