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finding weekends hard

(9 Posts)
ConfusedNC Fri 30-Jan-15 18:01:28

Still feels like early days being single parent but it's been 7 months now. I'm still processing what has happened to get me here and I'm missing my home as I'm now in rented house with ds.

Just finding weekends so hard. Hard when ds with his dad but almost harder when he's with me. I'm stuck for ideas what to do when it's so cold and damp. Not near any good museums. Been to softplay already. I can't swim. Just hard to force self when feeling down and feel really self conscious sometimes when everyone else is a family

Anyone else feel like this? What do you do with yr child on wknd if it's just you and them?

OP’s posts: |
lillybee1 Sat 31-Jan-15 13:11:44

Recently separated and can relate - how old is your DS? Do you have friends nearby with little ones? I will usually meet up with them and do some child based activity. DD is only one.

ConfusedNC Sat 31-Jan-15 18:06:45

He's 3. I have friends locally but they're mostly busy with their families on weekends as well as one or two who work weekends.

I had intentions of trying to do something nice for ds today but the day kind of unravelled. We've been to park with bike and our dog. Then played a bit but I had phone call. So got bit late. Popped to pet shop for stuff but ds likes seeing animals. Then bought him a booK. So he's probably had nice enough day. Maybe it's more how I'm feeling.

Confidence on the floor with everything including being a parent. Maybe I'm putting pressure on self to do stuff when just bumbling about is ok. I miss our home. Feel like ds is missing out stuck in tiny rented house with me. Again he's probably ok. It's more me.

OP’s posts: |
lizardqueenie Sun 01-Feb-15 23:13:20

Hey, go a bit easier on yourself, you have had a lot to adjust to.

Is your DA at nursery? Since I've shared weekends with my ex I've made arrangements to meet other working mums at the weekend soft play/ cinema (usually get cheap deals on sat & Sunday mornings) because they are working during the week too they are often looking for stuff for the kids to do even if they are in 2 parent families.

Could you find some regular Saturday morning activity for your da? Like football/ swimming lessons & that way you can share this with your ex, your DS to do this activity with both of you & it's a bit of an easy start to the weekend which you can then make other plans around. Check out your local MN page/ local paper/ Facebook groups for fairs/ shows going on although there will be lots more come spring/ summer. A walk round the garden centre is usually good and then once you get too cold you can go inside the cafe for a cuppa. We got invited in for coffee this morning by some elderly neighbours (the street is slowly getting to know my ex & I have spilt & he has moved out) & I was just hoping dd would behave but it was lovely, they were ever so sweet & made a huge fuss of dd.

Have you met/ chatted to your new neighbours yet? Any kids in the road who would come over for tea/ play date?

cestlavielife Mon 02-Feb-15 17:17:29

you are a family. you and ds. so you are with your family on weekends. it takes a while to get your head around that but it is true...

if you mean that you want to do things with other people that is fine, but you have to be proactive about inviting people. and it doesnt have to be same age people as you and ds, adopt a granny type neighbour etc. and other one or two or whatever parent families with kids may welcome a tea and play invite too.

there may be a swim class or ballet for tots or other activity he can join on a weekend; or making things at local library museum or art gallery. or local farm. or ?? they often have free weekend activities. or toddler music classes. where you might meet other weekend families like yours. ie with same age children ... whether they single parent or not.

ConfusedNC Mon 02-Feb-15 22:38:58

Thank you cestlavie and lizard. You've made some really good suggestions. I think at the heart of this I'm just feeling awful and it's making me feel shit about being a muM. When I feel stronger I'll try some of those things. Swimming class is something I've thought ds needs but I'm not good at swimming. Not sure I remember how. Not sure what age you stop getting in with them in classes though?

Like the idea of art classes. Might be something somewhere nearish. It's food for thought for when I feel a bit stronger.

I really appreciate you posting. I feel so awful at the moment so your kindness means a lot.

OP’s posts: |
lizardqueenie Mon 02-Feb-15 22:50:23

Hey confused
All of us feel shit at times- tonight is a real corker of a shit one for me.

Don't wait for yourself to feel better tomorrow is a new day, start as your want to go on because you will onto feel better once you feel you start to have control of these things & make positive steps & you will only do that by actually getting out there.dont feel the need to turn into Mary popping overnight but just do what work for you & your DS. What about some playgroups/ meet other parents/ childrens centres x

Noggie Mon 02-Feb-15 23:10:28

So sorry to hear you feel bad. Reading your post it sounds like you did lots with your ds /dd so don't feel like you haven't done enough . I think when things change it takes awhile to figure practical stuff out- as well as emotional. Your local pool will bd able to tell you about lessons and whether you'd have to go in too, or not. From about 4 I think they are usually just with with the teacher. Our pool has a waiting list so might be worthwhile making an enquiry as soon as you feel you can. Hope you feel better a little bit each day x

pumpkinpie5 Mon 02-Feb-15 23:21:30

I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. I have been through the same. I'm on my own with dd- she's five, we've been on our own since she was 2.5. I still beat myself up about not being a good enough mum, not doing enough with her etc. but the truth is we do a lot more than lots of whole families do. I suffer from depression and when I feel like you are, I beat myself up in the same way. My counsellor suggested a good called the good enough parent. It's hard going so best to dip in and out of, but I actually realised I was already doing a lot of what it suggested, and it made me feel much better. Having a whole weekend in front of you with no set plans is really daunting. But actually, sometimes dd likes having a pj morning, or just going to the park etc. I do try and meet up with people occasionally, we doing the garden centre then coffee, or to the local pet shop or Aqua jardin to look at the fish. Cinema club is great on a rainy day-tickets are just £1.50 at my local one for this. We go for bike rides, or a do a treasure hunt around the house. Watch a did before bed etc. just having one thing planned that we work Round is great.
Dd does swimming and her class is 3-5yr olds and they have two teachers in with them, I just watch. It tires her out too!

I still find the daddy weekends harder, knowing she is with daddy and ow still kills me, and as much as I look forward to some me time and catching up, I still miss her. Everyone to.d me to make the most of these weekends but it has taken me nearly two years to listen to this and not feel sorry for myself.

7 months is nothing and I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. X

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