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Can you recommend a book to explain to small children why Mummy & Daddy don't live together now?

(16 Posts)
whosafraidofnaomiwolf Tue 27-Jan-15 12:43:42

My lovely friend's husband walked out on her out of the blue a few months back. She has two DC's who are very young - nearly 4 and just 1. Can anyone recommend any books for her that will help explain the new situation to them, and manage the change for them? There's plenty that's appropriate for older children with better comprehension, but little on how to handle it with such young children, so would love to hear if anyone knows of one.

cestlavielife Tue 27-Jan-15 12:48:34

www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Of-Everything-Babette-Cole/dp/0099220628 and has some otehr suggestions below.

or - she or you should make your own relevant to the particular circumstances. just use WORD document and add photos and suitable words. or use a story builder app on ipad.

cestlavielife Tue 27-Jan-15 12:52:05

something like this www.friendshipcircle.org/apps/browse/stories-about-me/

or create a personalized photo book on boot.com photo or snapfish eg showing photos of the two homes theyw ill live in etc

whosafraidofnaomiwolf Tue 27-Jan-15 13:56:31

Ooh, good suggestions - I'll pass them on. But thinking about it I'm not sure how much time my friend would get to create the story for them? I'll suggest it anyway.

Has anyone read any books that helped them help their children (iykwim)? I think she's looking for a bit of guidance. She had a traumatic childhood herself (father leaving, Mum not coping etc.etc.) and I think she's fearful and looking for help to avoid history repeating itself with her children.

It isn't me btw, it really is for a very dear friend - though I appreciate how often 'for my friend' is a euphemism here on mumsnet grin

cestlavielife Tue 27-Jan-15 14:12:25

she should go to GP and seek counselling for herself so she can talk thru her own childhood and how it relates or not to now. nhs counselling she should get six sessions for free. or she can seek her own private counselor. a good therapist will work with her to make sure she feels confident about the future. if she feels confident and fine about it then it is likely her children will too - so she should read books for herself and get some support via a therapist espec to go back to revisit her childhood and talk thru why it isnt the same. she can go to a therapist and say, how can i make sure my dc don't suffer like i did? start from there.

you could ask your friends for the details and create something for her child in age appropriate language.

where she lives, when she will visit dad, where etc. simple stuff.

if her child is showing signs of severe anxiety she can ask for family therapy for her and child together. but it sounds like she is worrying about it....not so much the child. ?

cestlavielife Tue 27-Jan-15 14:14:02

with the 4 year old she can do role play sit down with toys teddies dolls, have them play pretend families going to visit their mum and dad in different houses create a scene - let the child do this.

have child draw her family it helps to see how she sees it. have child draw her house and dad's house etc.

whosafraidofnaomiwolf Tue 27-Jan-15 14:21:50

Thanks cestlavielife,

My friend has already had counselling I think, and has said that she doesn't particularly want to go down that route for the children (not sure how she feels about going herself again?). I will ask, and also suggest the role play/drawing however -that sounds like a good idea, and very age appropriate.

cestlavielife Tue 27-Jan-15 16:28:08

my way (london) we have a service that lets you call a child psychologist and chat for 45 minutes - they send you written summary if that kind of thing is available that would be helpful so she could call and ask how can I xxxxxx etc.

moggiemay Tue 27-Jan-15 16:42:11

I used 'it's not your fault Koko bear' available from Amazon with my 4yr old, bit wordy in places but I adjusted to suit us and read it with him every night for weeks, it helped explain things for him

Teaching123 Tue 27-Jan-15 19:11:19

I got 2 for my daughter,

www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Mum-Dad-Two-Homes/dp/1406334286

This is our favourite & actually really helps her feel normal in a world where most stories still portray a 2 parent family.

PeruvianFoodLover Wed 28-Jan-15 18:27:02

I've got a spare copy of "Two of Everything" that is mentioned above, that I'm happy to post to you for you to pass on to your friend, OP.

CheekyWeeGandT Wed 28-Jan-15 21:27:13

I like Two Nests. Can't remember author but it is about mum and dad birds who separate and then baby bird has two nests and everyone is happy. You'll find it on Amazon.

whosafraidofnaomiwolf Thu 29-Jan-15 21:28:37

Thankyou everyone, sorry it's taken me a couple of days to get back to you - I was away from home for a couple of days.

C'est la Vie - do you have details of that service - It could be just what she needs? Can you PM me if you feel it's appropriate to post it in-thread?

Teaching 123, Thankyou - I will pass that recommendation on, & Peruvian may I contact you if she says she'd like it?

Cheeky' I'll see if I can find that on Amazon.

Thanks again everyone. x

whosafraidofnaomiwolf Thu 29-Jan-15 21:32:43

Hmm, only finding tree wall decals - they're pretty, but not really gonna be so helpful to my friend grin.

PeruvianFoodLover Thu 29-Jan-15 21:44:16

Definitely - let me know

paneer Thu 29-Jan-15 22:51:03

not your fault koko bear was great for my then 3 year old. she's 6 now and looks at it still sometimes.

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