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Split up from ex & moved hse 2 wks ago - 4yr old DD hitting- help!

(5 Posts)
isaterror Mon 26-Jan-15 20:40:14

Hi
Split up from partner 2 weeks ago and moved to a new house. DD 4 yrs old. Has started hitting me lots when i try to get her to do things she doesn't want to do - ie when its time for bath in the evenings. Any help/advice from anyone else who has been through this? or can offer any insight?

Tried ignoring but the hitting just escalates, tried putting in time out which is the usual discipline measure for such behaviour but she just comes straight out fighting. What to do??? I know she is hurting/angry but has always been determined to do exactly the opposite of what i;ve said, even before i split from ex partner. Have been bracing myself for the downturn in her behaviour and now it is here. I know i have to ride it out and there is no magic answer but would appreciate help if any can be offered.

Thing is ex partner and i could never agree on the right way of raising her and he would often get involved and take over what i was trying to do if he didnt agree it was right. I was only ever trying to do time out or ignoring strategies, he just never liked seeing her get upset so we were always at odds thus she has seen that happening and has often got away with bad behaviour when he used to take over and i was often seen as bad mummy

Struggling big time. Any constructive advice welcome, thanks all x

Starlightbright1 Mon 26-Jan-15 21:15:55

It is all very confusing for her...She simply doesn't know how to cope with her emotions.

I would continue not accepting her behaviour but do let her know mummy and Daddy both love her very much...Sometimes drawing pictures can help get feelings out...It is very early days for both of you and not only will she be struggling with her own feelings but also picking up on yours...

Change is also difficult so keep what you can stable at the moment flowers

BlackeyedSusan Mon 26-Jan-15 22:03:28

hug her... preferably with the offending flailing appendeges restrained to prevent injury. (I have a melting down ds whom has given me lots of practise and several bruises, scratches and bites ) comfort her. when she is calm, then you tell her that hitting is unacceptable.

reward for good behaviour. she can earn something for getting ready quickly. depends on what her currency is, with ds it is computer time, for example.

yes and it is a case of riding it out. keeping expectations of behaviour consistent. her learning the conseqences of behaviour... ( remind her to hurry up to the bath so she can have time for two stories or whatever it is. sell it to her. think what you want to achieve and offer her a choice of how to get there... eg do you want to get undressed or do you want mummy to undress you.

oh and watch out for an increase in wetting etc some children will regress in this area.

cestlavielife Mon 26-Jan-15 22:55:37

Forget time out.
Reward good behaviour find something every hour to praise her
Eg good playing, nice eating, well done for using your fork.

Your answer was in your title.
Be consistent say no hitting calmly and move on.

Then praise her for anything she has done right. Anything at all. Putting her shies on, sitting nicely, reading a book, putting a toy away.

isaterror Mon 26-Jan-15 23:00:30

Thank you ladies, that is helpful. X

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