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Ex husbands new partner causing problems

(42 Posts)
ineedsomepeaceandquiet Thu 22-Jan-15 12:32:47

I am at the end of my tether with Ex husband's new partner. Today was the final straw when she posted on Twitter - 'struggling to co partner? This charity can help' and underneath - The EX is being an idiot again.
She is 44, no children and getting married to my ex in the summer after a year of dating.
She has bullied me on Twitter but not directly and to friends about what a bad mother I am, that I can't cope (I have a high pressured full time job) etc. I do not reply with anything just screenshot it. She has told friends that it will all change when she is their step mum (I know that this won't and she has no parental responsibility). She has told my children (6&4) that she'll be their new mum - they asked where I was going. She scrubbed out my details in my sons passports and replaced them with hers. My Ex refuses to do anything about it - what can I do if anything? I am worried about what effect that this will have on my children as all they ever hear is her belittling me. My children never talk about her or mention her to me, the nanny or anyone and when asked about her directly snug and seem embarrassed . Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Nolim Thu 22-Jan-15 12:37:32

Can she change the infirmation on their pasports?

Bluegill Thu 22-Jan-15 12:41:37

That sounds horrific. The woman clearly has issues. I'm enraged for you. However, I'm guessing there's very little you can do to change her and so, you may have to adapt your own response to her ridiculous behaviour. The children will eventually see right through it and you are their mother. You will always be their mother and she cannot influence that fact. I know it must be hard to ignore but please try to for your own sanity. If she belittles you to your children and your ex won't do anything about this then you may have to be generous in your response. I find if you I ignore and don't react then people get fed up and go away. She's clearly very threatened by you. Feel sorry for her?

Bluegill Thu 22-Jan-15 12:43:03

Has she fraudulently amended the children's passports?

Nolim Thu 22-Jan-15 12:47:46

Let her be the idiot. Telling the kids that she is thir new mum is pretty idiotic.

ineedsomepeaceandquiet Thu 22-Jan-15 12:55:12

She crossed out mine and my mums details in their passport - despite saying mother and grandmother and replaced with hers!!

DeliciousMonster Thu 22-Jan-15 13:04:29

Wow. She needs help.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 22-Jan-15 13:20:48

Don't tackle her head on that will only make it worse. Reassure your children that you will always be there Mum. Be polite about her at all times. Gradually your children will almost certainly see through her.
Been there, done that, bought T-shirt. Ex-H nearly destroyed his relationship with DD by allowing partner to behave like this.

fattymcfatfat Thu 22-Jan-15 16:06:57

Wowser! She has issues!

WannaBe Thu 22-Jan-15 16:10:21

isn't defacing a passport a criminal offence? As it is, the fact is that now the passports have been manually altered they will no longer be valid and thus need to be replaced. You need to contact the passport office and get new ones. And keep them with you.

How often do your dc stay with their dad?

gamerchick Thu 22-Jan-15 16:13:11

That's what I thought. Isn't defacing passports a criminal offence or something? I'd be ringing up and checking if she's going on like that.

gamerchick Thu 22-Jan-15 16:15:37

Either way they're fucked if they're smug about holding passports because they can't be used now.

Twitterqueen Thu 22-Jan-15 16:15:51

You do need to do something about the passports... that is just wrong.

SilasGreenback Thu 22-Jan-15 16:18:34

I'm assuming she has just changed the bit you write in about who to contact in an emergency. We have crossed ours out and changed them to the new address and phone after we moved. This isn't defacing them and doesn't need new passports. This bit is never looked at by immigration - they are only interested in the photo page and maybe visas.

gamerchick Thu 22-Jan-15 16:23:29

That's a shame really. She sounds like she needs to be reigned in.

justbatteringon Thu 22-Jan-15 16:31:15

shock she sounds like she has mental issues I might consider calling ss and finding out of she's suitable to have around your children. Might be opening a massive bag of worms but if she's telling your children she's their new mum that would ring some serious alarm bells.

ineedsomepeaceandquiet Thu 22-Jan-15 16:37:49

I have been thinking about contacting SS as concerned about what she says to my children. She keeps tweeting her friends saying the evil idiot ex is playing up and causing idiot issues. I am just ignoring her at the moment and don't want to flatter her with a response. Also thinking about asking her to meet with me 121

3littlefrogs Thu 22-Jan-15 16:39:51

Defacing or altering a passport is a criminal offence.

cestlavielife Thu 22-Jan-15 16:52:37

it is not illegal to change the who to contact pages. these are not part of the formal bit. it sounds like she altering the emergency contact but not defacing the photo page and details.

having "mental issues" does not mean she cant be around children. you would have some legitimate only if she's been convicted of an offence against children ...

yes, she sounds unhinged.
what can you do?

don't meet her 1 2 1 that would be daft...you would set yourself up. you need an independent witness and mediator.

so, you could ask your ex and her to meet you with a third party a trained mediator to discuss some of the concerns eg you could be proactive, say you all want to sit round and be civil. that you are sure you all have the best interests of the children at heart. you could draw up some ground rules such as no one disses anyone else to the dc.

you could also find ways of talking about the situation with your dc without directly asking them eg looking at books about families, asking them to draw your home/ex's home who lives there etc. ask them what they hope to do int eh holidays, when they with dad, when they with mum etc. this might give clues.. they will tell you things if you give them the change but wont likely respond to direct questions.

cestlavielife Thu 22-Jan-15 16:55:23

do not expect her to be rational

but you do need to be rational and polite and act civil and record everything.

keep reassuring your dc you are going no where.

you could ask her to stop harassing you eg please stop tweeting me then if she does you can log with police and solicitor .

but you cant log third hand info like she told friends that.....

ineedsomepeaceandquiet Thu 22-Jan-15 17:02:09

I have already met her and my Ex to set some common ground rules which she has never followed & ignored straight away, such as not posting pictures of DCs on twitter. Her response - posts a picture of DC1 in wet swimming trunks. Ex husband just ignores it and tells me I am mental

cestlavielife Thu 22-Jan-15 17:14:11

did she name dc1 and identify him?

MrsTawdry Thu 22-Jan-15 17:23:45

My mouth actually dropped open at the Tweet and then it got worse! OP DO contact someone...I wonder if this is classed as Harassment? If so I wonder if you could get a court order that she is not to have any contact with your DC?

Your ex would have to meet with them away from her and while this seems a bit extreme, I would have no compunction in doing it to protect them from this person.

ineedsomepeaceandquiet Thu 22-Jan-15 17:36:57

She didn't name DC in the picture but did tag my ex & then called me unreasonable!! Ex wants more access, currently sees them every other weekend and half of holidays. I said he can come and put them to bed one day a week, just let me know a set day but he said he can't do that as has to work to pay me. I said if he can do this every week for 3 months then the children can stay at his on Sunday night too but he needs to show me that I can trust him. He told me I was being inflexible and unreasonable

fedupbutfine Thu 22-Jan-15 18:55:54

I am torn with this. My gut reaction is to say she's a fool and to ignore her, she'll get bored if she gets no reaction and she'll move on.

However, it could be more complex than that and you might do well to seek some legal advice now as to what action you could take in the future if it starts to take a more serious turn. At the very least, continue to screen shot her comments and keep a diary of anything the children say and the context within which they say it along with the date so that you have a comprehensive document to refer back to if you need it. And it sounds like you may well need it. Keep us updated on what's happening and shout and vent on here rather than at her!

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