Constantly comparing my life to other families..(8 Posts)
I feel all I ever do is compare mine and my DDs life to the families around us. We live in a fairly affluent area and my DD goes to a small rural school, I am definitely the only single parent there. All my friends are in long term relationships, married or engaged. Most have mortgages, holidays etc.
Then I look at my own life and compare it to everyone else's. I have no savings and am currently renting. I'm a student, although don't have much longer to go until I have my career. I do have friends but feel they are becoming few and far between now they are all settling down with their partners etc and are always too busy with their own lives at weekends.
I feel lonely and that I have no chance of meeting anyone at this rate! I never go on nights out, I've become a bit of a hermit and end up staying in in the evenings reading and watching tele!
This is all so pathetic because I had my DD young and I am only in my mid twenties now. I know I will have a mortgage one day, I hope to have more children and meet someone else. It's just hard watching everyone around you doing all these things and feeling a bit useless. I'm so grateful for a healthy DD, and my nearly finished degree. I just feel like I should have my act together by now. Which is daft really.
Thanks for reading, it's already helped just to get it all out!
go to your uni counsellor and do some life coaching type courses self esteem etc.
you are young, you are going tog et your degree, your life is ahead of you...focus on your career you will meet new people when you start work.
think of your future partner - who do they want to meet and be with?
someone who is career minded independent , fun to be with, confident in herself, knows what she wants, able to be on her own, gets on with her own life at weekends but open to new adventures, able to enjoy her child, doesn't let jealousy get in her way etc...??
who do you want to be when you write your imaginary dating profile/write your cv for your career professional job?
"bored, jealous, student , stuck in a rut...."
or "vibrant, career minded person with lots of get up and go willing to take on new challenges ...."
look for weekend activities you can take child to? ramblers?
having a mortgage means you probably will be stuck - this way you can move with your career, take on new opportunities, move away from the village..... plenty of time in your thirties to get a mortgage and settle down.
TBH your life sounds very much like a lot of parents - the only difference is that you don't have a partner and you would like to have one. So, if you're living in a rural area is this holding you back? Could you move somewhere with a bit more going on once you've got your degree? The fact that you're renting is actually good as it gives you freedom and choices - so start looking at your glass as being half-full, rather than half-empty and think about what you want to happen next and where you want it to happen. You're free to live where you want and don't have to take a partner's career into account - so make the most of that.
Thanks for the replies, yeah I'm hoping when I have finished my final year I can move into the local town which will obviously get me out a bit more! But that will involve moving DD's school and after school care so can't rush to do that just yet.
Just to clarify I'm definitely not jealous, I'm so happy for my friends, but I still can't help but wish I had a bit more stability etc. Me and DD do lots together at weekend, we are members of the zoo and national trust, so we do get out lots just me and her. I just feel the more evenings I stay in the less I want to go out and meet new people, and I'm worried I'll never end up getting out again!!!
Yes you will! You've just got stuck in a bit of a rut, that's all. And when you've got a young DC, you're a student, and a bit skint its not surprising. I'd just focus for now on finishing your degree. But also give some thought to where you want to live, what school you'd like your DD to go to, and think about things you'll do when you have a bit more money. Just having a plan always makes me feel better.
You're still so young - you have your whole life ahead of you - and don't be in a rush to get a mortgage. I only just got one of those a couple of years ago when I was 39. Up until then we rented and it gave us the freedom to move, live abroad, move back and finally settle down when it suited us. Don't worry about not being tied down - when you are you'll probably crave the kind of freedom you currently have.
You are so young with lots to look forward to. It just gets on top of you sometimes and that's ok. Don't be envious of other people because you never know whats behind closed doors.
From the outside I had the caring professional husband, two children, nice house, sports car, part time job etc etc. Then after 23 years together (14 married) he walked out for the OW. He's taken every penny. He's made our joint accounts overdrawn, he's taken the car, he's pushed me onto claiming benefits etc etc. I've had my life turned upside down. It's scary at any age to be a single mum.
You sound like you're a great mum. Enjoy the time with your little one.
I would offer you some advice...when you meet someone beware of joint accounts, always have some money in reserve.
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