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Feeling overwhelmed and frightened does anyone else feel like this?

(10 Posts)
Sunflower6 Mon 19-Jan-15 17:19:05

I am have been on my own with my kids for nearly three years. I have no family support and no real friends. I suffer from depression and feel so alone and frightened at times at the responsibility of bringing up to kids on my own.

does anyone else feel like this? The only family I have is a dad who isn't supportive at all and lives a long way away and my brother who is supportive but lives a long way away but his wife's has cancer so I don't feel I can bother him with my problems

My brother was made redundant, broke his leg and then his wife was diagnosed with cancer all within the space of 6 months last year, it's made me realise how fragile things can be and that I have no fall back if something bad happened to me like serious illness or redundancy.

I love my kids to pieces but sometimes I find it hard that there is just me to keep everything afloat and to deal with teenage issues etc.

fattymcfatfat Mon 19-Jan-15 22:52:03

We all feel overwhelmed at times and being a parent is scary! I dont have teenagers yet but am absolutely terrified as I know if they are anything like I was im in for some trouble. ...I may have a breakdown. You have managed this far on your own and you will continue to aswell. Sometimes you just need to get everythin off your chest.

fattymcfatfat Mon 19-Jan-15 22:54:51

If you need a rant or a bit of reassurance just come to me. And be assured that once your kids are all grown up they will appreciate you so much more. I have done nothing but apologise to my mum since becoming a mum myself! I feel bad for what I put her through.

Anacoreta Mon 19-Jan-15 23:12:01

If I could describe all the years I have spent raising DS on my own in two words they would be "permanent exhaustion".

there is not much you can do about not having any family around who could provide some respite from time to time (I'm in the same boat) but you really need a network of support to get through single parenthood. I know it would look difficult to find the time to develop friendships but it is very important to have a few people to talk to, not only in terms of seeking support during bad time, but some people you can have a laugh with or an adult conversation in a regular basis.

Now that DS is older, I have more freedom, but back in the times when I was stuck at home with no possibility to go out, meeting with friends for a coffee at lunchtime while DS was in school, inviting other mums (and their children to pop in for a coffee just after school pick up, or even talking to old friends here or in Facebook, made all the difference.

It is terrifying at times, but as someone already said, you have come thus far, you are able to do it. And if you feel a bit depressed do not hesitate to ask for help, the important thing for you and your children is that you are ok.

linklight Wed 21-Jan-15 22:31:01

"stagger on rejoicing" is a quote i always try to bear in mind. good old auden! but really. stagger. on. rejoicing. my best friend has just been told be a third and final doctor she can never have children naturally. and she is devastated. i remember when at 36 i thought i couldn't have children i was planning my suicide! mad now, looking back. but true. my friend cannot face a life without having the gift of children. i just hope she will be ok.

you have beautiful children. youhave done it!!!

i am shocked by how tired i am. i am shocked by how alone i have been for 3 years too. i am shocked by how little people have helped me. but slowly slowly i have pulled through. my only way to survive is to keep that gratitude in mind, and find the 5 mins at the end of the day to re-write the list for the next day and try as much as poss, each day, to go through the list methodically. i try to write next day's list in order of how i think i will be able to approach it. so don't put something that can only be done at teatime first. etc

xxx please don't be sad as you are not alone in feelings of despair. your babies need you to keep your humour. x

meglet Wed 21-Jan-15 22:54:43

yes, all the time. I have a lot of insurance and make a huge effort to eat well if you ignore the chocolate and keep fit. I've got to be healthy and on the ball for years to come.

I wake up in panic sometimes.

OllyBJolly Wed 21-Jan-15 23:15:00

"stagger on rejoicing" - what a great phrase, link light.

I was a single parent from babyhood until they moved out to go to uni really. There's a fab thread on here about the great things about being a single parent, but it's very very tough as well. My lowest point I just felt I couldn't cope any more - think the girls were about 5 and 3. I phoned my health visitor and left a vm saying I wanted her to take the children into care where they would be better off. She came round next day and told me she sometimes feels the same - and she was happily married. It did make me feel a bit better - it's okay to feel like crap. I never got that low again but it was tough going.

I think it's hard for others to understand just how isolated you are, and I'm not sure that's related to ages of children. When they're younger they're in bed early so you're on your own for longer, 6- 12 it's school projects, clubs and activities and no time to yourself, teenage years for me were just one kind of hell after another. Yes - exhausted all the time. And if you're working full time as well...

Not sure I'd change it though. There is something quite special about being such a tight knit family and it is good having almost total control over your children's lives. We had a lot of fun and shared experiences that I don't think we would have had if I'd had a partner.

I guess you just have to hold on to the good times to get you through the bad.

Sunflower6 Thu 22-Jan-15 20:18:48

Thank you for your replies, sorry if I sounded self pitying. I love my kids and enjoy the extra closeness our little unit has on its good days and I am grateful for all I have. I guess I find it lonely at times. A couple of mums at. School are on their own and get a lot of family support both practical and emotional.

I do realise I'm lucky to have my kids and to be honest they are what keep me going. Seeing the awful time my brother and his family have had/are having makes me realise I am lucky.

It's just hard sometimes I have a stressful but necessary job, a 9 year old 14 year old and I have to deal with the teacher training days , 95% of the school holidays and my youngests frequent medical appointments.

Last year my youngest had quite major surgery which meant me taking 5 weeks off work to look after her during her recovery but my work were very supportive and we got through it. I have dealt with a cancer scare for me and teenage issues so far. I was also very proud to teach my youngest to ride her bike without stabilisers by myself.

I guess i also find it hard that my dad And stepmum are absent in any support and in fact my stepmother has critised me and been quite nasty and thinks my kids dad is wonderful. I tried to turn to her for support as she was the only person I knew who had been divorced.

linklight Thu 22-Jan-15 20:28:39

don't worry, you're allowed to feel down. my mum and dad really love me but still don't support me with time. it's odd. single motherhood is just a lonely path, i think. maybe it's a test for only the truly truly strong. and it will make you stronger. and you don't have to put up with someone annoying you, under your feet, or making you feel bad about yourself, or always being at the pub, or watching crap tv, or ignoring you all the time, or all the things men are good at. you can make the choices you want in life and that is very empowering. whenever you feel scared, try to turn it to power. fear is necessary to motor you to great things.

whyMe2014 Fri 23-Jan-15 17:36:36

The future does frighten me - but when I think back to the years I was with my husband he was always working (? - actually in hindsight a lot of this was with other women). He never put his family first.

I broke my ankle and was in plaster over the school summer holidays but he remained in Scotland working for the whole six weeks! So I coped on crutches and only had 1 day off work.

So I think I've been a single mum for a long time I just didn't class myself as one.

I'm exhausted everyday but I could never be without my girls. I dread when he has contact with them.

I will also never understand how he could go months without seeing them.

We had a 'snow ball' fight with a large bag of cotton wool balls the other night and it was the best laugh we've had in ages. Simple, real, life.

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