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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

beyond tired, beyond messy, beyond me

78 replies

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 19:09

I can't cope. I can't even move in my flat. There is not one square inch clean. In tired, no support, two kids. Need a break so desperately but it can't happen. My life is over the house is so best in scared I'd be jailed if anyone saw don't know where to start

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cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 19:10

Messy I mean, not best. Just so tired. I'm so tired

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afreshstartplease · 15/01/2015 19:11

No one gets jailed for mess

I am at constant battle with my own and my dcs mess

One step at a time

catlovingdoctor · 15/01/2015 19:12

Deep breath!!

Just one little thing at a time. Every lone parent is bound to feel like this at times. It can feel so overwhelming and impossible but it really, really will get better. And you aren't going to jail.

Make a cup of tea, pick 3 small things/tasks to do or sort out. I'm sure you will be just fine. PM if you need a chat

Cookiecake · 15/01/2015 19:16

I understand how hard it is to keep things clean when your so busy yourself. It's exhasuting just looking after children and then having to clean as well. Do you work as well?

Personally I know I feel much better when things are clean and tidy, so a
Though I hate tidying I love the feeling of clean house (even if it only
Lasts a day!). You should start just small bits here and there and gradually it will get better. You have to be ruthless with stuff, the less stuff you have the less there is to tidy!

How old are your kids? You can get your kids to help with tidying, give them little tasks and make sure they keep their toys and things as tidy as possible.

It surprising how quick tidying a room can be, we had to completely clear a room that was a disgusting mess and within a day a lot of the junk was gone.

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 19:58

Afreshstart - thanks, glad it isn't just me:-(

Catlovingdoc - if you saw it, you wouldn't say that- I can't even move in this room.cuppa sounds good though. Am I definitely not going to jail? Doesn't it count as neglect?

Cookiecake - they are 8 and 2 eldrdt has autism n gets violent. I just don't have the energy to do anything at all and can't cope I've done all the things you said before but I'm drained now and its too much And wondering what wil happen to my kids if anyone finds out :(

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cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 20:00

Thanks all for kindness and for not saying "can you leave them with anyone" how do people cope, I never signed up for this hell misery life sentence

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IvyMay · 15/01/2015 20:18

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this - and sorry if this is something you've already tried but is there a home start organisation in your area that might be able to help? I think they do vary by area but some are really good - I'm not talking about the the toddler groups but the scheme where you're matched with someone who comes to help a couple of hours a week,

Very best wishes x

afreshstartplease · 15/01/2015 20:22

What do you call "mess" op

To be getting towards deglect the house needs to be dangerous, unhygienic etc

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 20:44

You can't move in it . I mean a week ago it was immaculate as I had a rare night of sleep but its gone downhill rapidly there are boxes and rubbish everywhere you have to tiptoe through every room as there's so floor space there are random bits furniture everywhere not one clean dish the toilet and bath are clean washing all over kitchen floor the thought of hoovering imposs . I mean if I had ONE day n night without the kids I could do it but with them here I can't. I mean I don't know where to start:-( I do love them :(

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cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 20:45

Home start no good for me cos I wouldn't be able to let them in

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cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 20:47

You are all so kind. But part of me needs a kick up the ass as I am shit

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afreshstartplease · 15/01/2015 20:56

Op we all have bad days

My house is messy right now and I'm just gonna bed tbh

I find the cleaning/tidying threads on here help

meglet · 15/01/2015 21:01

get a shopping bag, fill it with clutter and bin it. That's your start.

it's bloody hard keeping on top of things as a LP. will your dc's keep quiet for an hour or so with a dvd and snacks, just so you can clear a small area of floor?

DancingCrown · 15/01/2015 21:02

You are not shit. I know it easy to feel like that.

Get some binbags and go around collecting rubbish and anything that can be got rid off, that always feels better.

Mine is a tip too and I only have one dc. I have so much to do plus paperwork that is weeks overdue but I'm having an early night as had a crap day at work.

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 21:35

A fresh start - awwww that's me, every day :)
Meglet - will do that now! Thanks:) they are both in bed so I can work,in theory, but instead, am sitting here, listening to Ella Fitzgerald love songs , and chain smoking roll ups:(
Dancing crown - I am shit, trust me, any of you nice normal good mums would have a great attack if you saw my flat. Just moved recently and there is nobody I know at all here who would just sit with me while I work through it! But I will do a big bin trip to the bins. I have about 12 big bin bags waiting to be taken out through 4 doors :( aaaaaargh

Realy touched by all your kindness I expected to be judged very badly for this

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afreshstartplease · 15/01/2015 21:53

As long as your dc are clean happy fed and loved i wouldn't let it get you down

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 22:00

Aww thanks :-) x

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meglet · 15/01/2015 22:25

just do it bit by bit. I struggle to keep on top of the house, the kids raise hell while I'm trying to get anything done.

cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 11:07

Yes Meglet that's the problem! The only time I've really achieved tidy-nirvana was when my sister took them for 2 nights n days. The first night, I just slept. The second night, I put on good music (ie not peppa pig or Mr men) and just blitzed it , every corner, like superwoman, and didn't stop til 1am, when I then went for a walk, BECAUSE I COULD! My sis now depressed so can't leave then with her, she lived 50miles away anyway. They're is nobody else! Anyway you wil be pleased to know I somehow dragged myself to take out the full bin bags this morning and some cardboard boxes and though mu living room is still DISGUSTING at least you can sort of walk in it. Ish. I'd recommend shoes.

Wish I had a non judgey friend round here to bring me a coffee n chat while I worked!

Thanks you're all lovely

Was reading idly about when mess turns into neglect, and this morning the house was at that point. Every thing ipick up I think its one less thing to face in court if anyone finds out :(

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cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 11:09

I want to throw everything away :-( so tired

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ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 16/01/2015 11:22

This was me a few months ago, not quite as bad mess wise but on a more unhygienic level. DD doesn't cope well with emotional stuff and is suspected to be on the spectrum. It got out of hand when she went through a difficult phase that lasted for two weeks. I had to seal off two bedrooms as there was poo smeared everywhere, litter trays had been emptied onto carpet, the whole house stank and was utterly utterly vile. I couldn't let anyone in and just honestly couldn't work out how on earth to begin tackling it.

In the end I just had to make a list and slowly use my evenings to work through it. It took a month to get things back to normal but I had to stick at it. I'd start with the kitchen and lounge. Can you afford to just bin all the dirty plates and buy yourself a new dining set? Somehow the motivation to keep on top of dishes is easier with new plates, I got discounted ones delivered from matalan. I ruthlessly binned as much as I could, stacked everything else on furniture so I could Hoover the floor, then stacked it all neatly until I had the time to put it all away.

Id recommend a steam cleaner. I've kept on top of kitchen floors much better now I have one, all hard floors take ten mins each night to blitz so I stay on top of it.

Whereabouts are you? If you're near me I'll come and muck in with you. I honestly doubt it's possible it can be worse than those poo smeared bedrooms I had.

cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 11:54

Hi shadows, thanks for being brave enough to share your story, it brought tears of relief to hear someone describe that hopeless feeling. I don't know about you but I'm a bit of a perfectionist so even when it is tidy(rare) I feel like everything had to be in perfect order. So finding myself in utter, utter chaos is hard having the attitude I can't make it perfect so I'm going to just do nothing but then it ends up at this point.

I just vaguely hoovered the living room! Hurray

Oh god I got a beautiful new set plates for Xmas and there is already not one clean. I'm literally going to go buy a pack paper ones today. Sonethings gotta give! That was alovely idea though!

I'm in yorkshire? I might be too embarrassed to let you in though I'm a total mess! Like revolting :(

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cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 11:55

Ps I love your idea of a list. I'm going to do that n stop trying to do everything at once!

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escape · 16/01/2015 11:59

Whereabouts in Yorkshire are you? I will help and won't judge for a second..

cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 12:03

Oh my goodness really...thanks that would be amazing! I am in York. Everyone else here is so organised and well to do and immaculate I'm like a tramp

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