Life, Education & Relocation Advice Needed Please.

[mzundastood]

I am in need of some sensible and practical advice, its been a long time since I was on MN but knew it was the place to go! I wont give you the life saga (its an epic tale of bad decisions on my behalf). Current situ is I have DS of twenty who is happy and making his own way in the world and DS of two (yes you read that correctly).

I am a full time stay at home mummy there is sadly no OH or DH its just me and my boy. I live in a tiny village in a private rented house which we have to leave soon, I came back here for me and the little ones dad to try and work things out this isn’t going to happen. He has not changed nor never will, lesson learnt. Hindsight it’s a wonderful thing.

I have few friends, no hobbies and rarely go anywhere as I have no support from family with childcare. My previous employment is not suitable now as it is all shift work so there are no job prospects on the horizon.

So I am in the position of having to move house (again arrrghhh) and I am thinking of taking a big leap. I have my HNC in Social Care and have for as long as I remember wanted to go to uni gain my degree and become a social worker. I have applied for a place this year. I have also applied for a counselling course I am interested in.

My DS (the little one) has started a wee playgroup twice a week he calls it his school he loves it and wants to go every day. This makes me happy knowing he would be ok if I went to uni or back to work. I don’t know whether to move locally and wait to see if I get a uni place or just go rather than move twice. Im tired of moving. What do you think?
If any of you have been in the same position I would love to hear from you.

Little DS has regular contact with his dad just now its one Saturday night a fortnight and just the Sunday the following week. Where I am thinking of moving to is just over an hours drive away. We agreed he could have little one every second weekend for full weekend as that would suit dad better for work commitments. I am happy to share travel with him. Its not my DS fault his dad is an arse (sorry).

I know uni is huge and will be hard work. I am 36 yrs old and feel I am going nowhere fast and there is nothing to keep me here. I am so lonely anyway. I would like to give my DS a better quality of life than I can just now and I am going to be raising him alone.

My apologies for this epic post trying to be brief but get all the important bits in! Your thoughts would be appreciated.

[Sophrosyne]

It sounds like you need to think long term happiness/stability. A short term move will be a hassle, but only for a bit. And your son is so little, he will quickly settle into almost any new situation. And don't discount just how important it is for you to be happy/content. You sound like you have a good career plan that will work long term, you just have to remember that a happy mummy makes a better mummy. Have a fresh start with good intentions. Don't feel guilty for making yourself just as important as your son. Go for it and enjoy the process!

[mzundastood]

Thank you Sophrosyne how insightful you are! I do feel guilty. Very. I don't want my actions or what is right for me to impact on my DS negatively. I have always put my children and partners needs/wants before my own. This is alien to me to sit and think about myself. I am scared of doing the wrong thing and making yet another bad decision!

I found out I was pregnant when I left DS dad in truth he had never really bothered with us until I met someone else. He wanted to try again for our sons sake, he had changed and I believed him. When he got us back all was ok for a couple of months then changed his mind again it's not what he wants and doesn't feel we have a future together he told me this at Christmas. It was a very lonely one, brought in the New Year knowing I have to leave this house and would obviously not be moving back in with my ex.

Had I invested as much time and energy into my education as I have in relationships I would be a very clever woman by now! And therein lies part of the problem, I take full responsibility for my decisions (don't want it to sound I am blaming others).

I am just at a point in my life where I want to do something for me. I have mentioned to a couple of my people my thoughts and they think I am crazy to even consider relocating and starting afresh. I might end up in the "I told you so" position.

Thank you for your kind words and advice it is appreciated x

[ChangingItUp]

Go for it would be my advice OP. I'm a LP in my 40's and started my degree last year. Am studying p/t as I have to work too.
It's tough but hopefully be worth it in the end.
Admittedly I waited until mine started school and have parents close by who help with childcare, particularly around exam time.
Relocating must seem daunting, am sure you will make new friends though and gradually build a support network for yourself.
Good luck whatever you decide.

[Sophrosyne]

I always say, you'll never know unless you try. If it doesn't work out, hey, at least you had the guts to give it a go. If you never tried, you would spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if'.

Trust yourself. You are still alive. You raised one child successfully and you are doing the same for your young son. So, it's not that bad, actually. Mistakes made, sure....who hasn't? Learn from them and move on and enjoy the process of living!

[mzundastood]

Thank you Changing it up Its good to know other LP out there are studying and managing to balance it out. I relocated before so at least I know what's ahead of me! I have more chance I think of making new friends etc elsewhere and thinking I have more to gain than lose.

sophrosyne your right that is the point I need to learn from them rather than go round in the same circle which is what I am hoping to do.

Here's a new year and a new start one way or another x