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Finding the time, money and sitters to date - impossible?

(12 Posts)
YourHandInMyHand Sun 04-Jan-15 18:50:48

I'm making an effort to date and get out more but I have had to cease my child's contact with his dad due to safeguarding reasons and I now am feeling very frustrated at how hard it is to be solely responsible!

DS has autism so I can't just leave him with anybody.

Feel very restricted and would love to hear if anybody has any solutions?

gilmoregirl Sun 04-Jan-15 18:56:00

Hi

Do you have any family nearby? Does your son attend an after school club or any activities?

I have been on my own for almost eight years and have done some dating. Mainly relied on my dad to babysit in evenings, but also friends to pick my DS up after clubs and activities. This works ok in the initial dating stage when you just want a couple of hours to meet up for a coffee, becomes much harder if you actually start dating someone!

gilmoregirl Sun 04-Jan-15 18:57:59

I meant to say that my DS barely sees his dad and if he does see him it is never reliable enough to rely on to make plans so no use in terms of my social life sad it is very hard. I gave up but am considering trying again...

meglet Sun 04-Jan-15 19:06:08

I'm afraid that in 6yrs I haven't had the slightest chance to try and meet anyone. Work, the dc's and the house leaves me tired and I don't have cash for babysitters.

If I had a social life I could get to know someone. As it stands I have a few hours on the days I don't work, I'm with the dc's all weekend, every weekend. It simply isn't worth me trying, I doubt a bloke would wait weeks inbetween dates!

YourHandInMyHand Sun 04-Jan-15 19:09:30

gilmoregirl

My mum sometimes helps out but she struggles with depression so I can't rely on her regularly and I also don't like to put on her as know she needs her down time.

DS has autism and can't manage after school clubs.

I went onto carer's allowance for years and have recently gone back to work which is great. When his dad had him overnight it meant I could sleep/go out/catch up on house stuff. Now it's gone I guess I am panicking a bit. DS doesn't sleep well and I might need to look at respite I think but whether I will get it or not is another matter.

Yes I am in early dating stages myself. 1st date last week and trying to arrange date 2 between the 2 of us is what has made me post on here. I stubbornly am resisting not having a life of my own. I really don't think it's too much to ask!

YourHandInMyHand Sun 04-Jan-15 19:12:14

I think I could stretch to a sitter sometimes eg once or twice a month maybe but it's finding someone. I feel terrible for DS trying to think of options so I can get out of the house but I feel my sanity needs it.

meglet that sucks sad How old are your dcs? Will they soon be at an age you can get out more?

mugglelady Sun 04-Jan-15 19:24:07

Someone I know uses the babysitting agency Sitters (I think they're called) - I think they are up and down the UK. She really rates them. I appreciate your son's needs are different but perhaps if you were able to find someone you liked through them you might be able to build up the sessions in short spurts to see how your son gets on.

YourHandInMyHand Sun 04-Jan-15 19:26:25

I had a look at sitters but in the FAQ section it said they can't cater for children with special needs! Wasn't impressed TBH that they have such a blanket policy!

mugglelady Sun 04-Jan-15 19:50:58

So sorry - wouldn't have mentioned it if I had known

AngelCauliflower Sun 04-Jan-15 20:48:33

Hi, I am in the same situation as you. My ds has autism and I can't imagine leaving him with a sitter. My mum can't take him regularly. I did try dating a few years ago but I felt too guilty leaving ds. Ds is 6 now and I often think it would be good if I could start to get some sort of life back for myself. I had to stop working two years ago and am going to try get back to work this year.

fairgame Mon 05-Jan-15 15:36:09

I just spoke to sitters as my ds has asd and I was thinking of using them. They do allow you to register children with asd, it just complex disabilities that require nursing type care (like tube feeds) that they can't cater for.

YourHandInMyHand Wed 07-Jan-15 15:29:07

Don't worry muggle I had considered them an option too. That's interesting fair game but am a bit pit off now.

Angel I think as long as you build a relationship up slowly with sitter and prepare child it can be okay, but it does depend on the child.

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