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Who is being unreasonable?

(17 Posts)
MikeTheShite Wed 24-Dec-14 06:53:48

I have a DD 2 (single and homeless at 6 months pregnant)
DDs father lives in say London, his parents say Oxfordshire.
I took ex to court rgshockarding
them messing around contact and it stands I drive DD EOW to his parents in Oxford. He then brings DD home the following day.
Drop offs both are around 3pm both days.

Now it's not on the court order but I offered them DD Boxing Day. His mother has form and planned bullied me into a time knowing full well I didn't have a diary on me about halfway to London where they plan to take DD BD to see family.

Upon getting home I've realised I have one off expensive tickets for a BD event from 10am (Dd can come or go with them.)
However they won't change or negotiate a time even if I drive to Oxford, saying I have to cancel my plans.

I refused and suggested the weekend. Could we swap and I'll drove halfway on the Saturday and pick her up again the Sunday so DD has a shorter travel time to Manchester to see family.

Again no.
He's working that weekend? Surely contact is between him and dd, not gp and dd?
And they are trying to make me drive both days?

If I don't I'm being threatened with solicitors letters and court.
Even though I took him to court in the first place due to messing around over contact.

So <gently> please who is being unreasonable?

MikeTheShite Wed 24-Dec-14 08:24:58

Anyone?

MistAndAWeepingRain Wed 24-Dec-14 08:35:11

Personally I think I would keep DD on Boxing Day. Court ordered contact is there so both parties know where they stand. If BD is not in the court order then keep her with you. Presumably she is seeing her Dad at some point over the festive period?

Send his mother a text now letting her know and then don't respond any further. You know that if she continues to harass you, then you can report her to the police?

If they want to take you back to court that's their lookout. I doubt the court will change the contact order on the basis of BD though- sounds more like a miscommunication that got out of hand than you deliberately messing them around.

Enjoy BD with your DD!

MikeTheShite Wed 24-Dec-14 08:40:18

Thank you.
There's no other contact really planned it's his weekend to have her the day after Boxing Day, but as I've said I would collect her the Sunday I don't want to do the journey on Saturday as I'll be doing it twice

I was trying to be nice offering Boxing Day

MistAndAWeepingRain Wed 24-Dec-14 08:52:55

I'm surprised the court order doesn't deal with Christmas arrangements actually. Most do so that you don't get embroiled in situations like the one you describe.

I really do understand that you were trying to be nice. And if you didn't already have plans it would be a lovely thing to do. The thing is, they don't sound like very reasonable people do they? Your ex MIL really shouldn't have anything to do with contact arrangements, let alone be trying to bully you into doing what she wants.

Remember that whatever they say, you have done nothing wrong here. The court would only be interested if you violated the contact order. You haven't. It was a miscommunication you have tried hard to resolve. If they take you to court, the only thing they may be successful in getting is clarification on arrangements for Christmas for future years. Which would be a good thing wouldn't it?

You sound like you are worried about upsetting them. I think you need to toughen up a bit. They obviously don't give a toss about upsetting you. Keep your DD for BD and deliver her for contact on the weekend as usual.

MikeTheShite Wed 24-Dec-14 08:57:15

Thank you Mist, you've definatly hit the nail on the head.
Would you pick her up after contact to (on way to Manchester) and just suck that up?
Contact order states one drop off and one pick up

MistAndAWeepingRain Wed 24-Dec-14 09:20:22

So normally her Dad drops her off after contact but he can't this weekend because he's working? I suppose that's fair enough. I would do it this time I think. But make sure you've got a text or email from them somewhere confirming that you're doing it. Might be useful to show you're willing to compromise if they do take you back to court.

MistAndAWeepingRain Wed 24-Dec-14 09:21:05

And be very clear it's a one off.

Reekypear Wed 24-Dec-14 09:25:13

I just feel sad for the kid being shunted about.

MistAndAWeepingRain Wed 24-Dec-14 09:42:07

Well that's helpful Reekypear. Do you have any constructive advice or are you trying to make the OP feel worse? She is doing her best in a difficult situation.

What you call 'shunting about', most lone parents would call 'facilitating a relationship with the NRP'.

My children will also be travelling to see their dad this Christmas. Do you feel sorry for them too?

Reekypear Wed 24-Dec-14 09:43:05

Only that as a child of divorced parents, it feels that way.

MikeTheShite Wed 24-Dec-14 10:47:53

Reeky I agree but there's nothing I can do. Believe me I've tried.
I'm also from separated amicable parents.

It's 3 hours one way.
If I drop off aswell it's 12 hours of driving in 24 hours for me, plus the rest to Manchester!

MikeTheShite Thu 25-Dec-14 06:09:49

There's still no plan in place wink

MikeTheShite Thu 25-Dec-14 06:10:08

hmm Even!

MikeTheShite Fri 26-Dec-14 07:56:12

Still heard absolutely nothing from them and weekend arrangements are meant to be confirmed by a Thursday evening.
I just don't know what to do. Please help confused

Starlightbright1 Fri 26-Dec-14 21:49:01

has DD gone or still with you?

MikeTheShite Sat 27-Dec-14 08:40:07

She's still here.

They want me to drive up today and again tomorrow for contact (not going away now)

When I said I can't afford that I got told to stick it

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