Can I work full-time?(6 Posts)
Hi, first of all I'm new to mumsnet so apologies if this is in the wrong section. I need advice!
Basically Im 22, have 1 child aged 4 and I have recently split up with her dad.
I have always worked, when my daughter was 9 months old I put her into nursery and went back to college to do beauty therapy. Since then I have worked constantly.
I quit my full-time job when her dad and I broke up because he and my mum were saying that I chose my job over her, because I was working night shifts I did only have her 2 nights a week but I took her to and from school every day. Due to tiredness I overslept a couple of times and was 30 mins late picking her up. I was so scared of losing my daughter I never went back to work but I couldn't even bring myself to hand in my notice because I loved my job to pieces.
Now I have quit I am on benefits and work 7 hrs a week at the weekend when my daughter is at her Dad's, my housing benefit is a pain in the backside at the minute, I don't like my house, its very cold as it doesn't have heating. I fear that I wont be able to find another house because I am on housing benefit. Not only that, I am so restless. I feel depressed because I feel like I have not made anything of myself and I want to earn my life not have it given to me. I dont want a council house because I dont want to be the stereotypical teenaged mother, I havr a strong work ethic and I want to use it. I want to be able to buy a house one day and give my daughter a comfortable lifestyle.
As hard as I try to be satisfied with being a stay at home mum I just really dont think I was cut out for it. Im always distracted and bored. I love my girl to pieces but Im starting to think that im just not a maternal person, I feel really guilty about that.
I want to do an apprenticeship and persue a legal career- but what is best for my daughter? I know that if I do this I wont be much better off financially for a while yet especially because I will have to pay childcare costs for holiday time and possibly before and after school some days when family can't help me out (they are all either working or studying).
I just think that im not good at being a stay at home mum so I might as well do something im good at and build for the future. I really want an honest opinion on what would be best for my daughter- she is my number 1 priority. My mind is so restless and bored I am struggling to think about it thoroughly. Are kids affected by having a working mum?
Sorry its a long post - please help.
I don't have time to do a long reply but just wanted to say- no shame in accepting a council house. It's affordable housing and a secure tenancy and long term home for your child where you know repair (heating!) are all maintained for you. If you're working then you'll be paying your rent and it will be a fair rent too.
Oh restless you sound so unsettled! I'd definitely persue a career, it will be an adjustment balancing it at first, but a lot of parents manage it successfully! Is your little girl at school yet? If not I'm sure she'd be very happy at a nursery or with a childminder. Another thi to consider is either working part time-obviously money will be less, but tax credits ans possibly housing benefit can boost your income so you can afford to live somewhere nicer. Is it still possible to get HB paid to you, so you pay the landlord rather than the HB going direct to them? (I know some landlords have issues with HB as payments are often delayed).
Another option could be studying at open university or your local uni? I've been doing that alongside part time work and it has given me a real focus.
And I agree, no shame in accepting a council house.
My DS is a happy, bright 5 year old and I have always worked full time in night shifts and have also done up to a few extra shifts a month. No one has ever said to me that I put work before my child but then I can be a bit scary sometimes.
There is no way on earth I could have been a SAHM I would have gone insane. I'm not in anyway an earth mother who loves all that parenting stuff. Do not ket other people bully you into staying at home.
I would look into the open university and study something alongside working part time. Get a council house so you know you have secure housing. They do a law degree that is recognised so you will be able to get onto the next stage. Show your daughter that working is better than living off benefits and studying is a good thing.
Of course you should work. It will be tough in early years with child care costs but you will be setting yourself up for brilliant times later. Bring able yo go on nice holidays etc.
If you offered council housing take it. Depending where you are you would b very lucky to get one anyway .
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