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HELP - what if ex goes to court?

(11 Posts)
Lovedandexhausted Wed 17-Dec-14 00:10:41

Ex was only violent once and it was just pushing and spitting on me.
Ex harassed me for months ending in conviction for harassment. Technically the emails that finally got him convicted read as quite pathetic even though they were designed to upset me, read alone they would not seem harmful.
I have restraining order against him he has stuck to apart from small things; comments and attitudes I cannot prove.
Visits dd every month since she was 3 months and travels 200 miles pays over £100 to spend time with her.
Has not turned up multiple times but mostly with warning.
Has multiple assault convictions, drug convictions on record but these were from years previous.
His house is in my opinion not at all suitable for a child he has a conviction for holding a dangerous dog who lives there and the last time I saw the house it was a bit of a building site.

Dd is now over 2 and ex still comes to see her monthly. He is disinterested sometimes but nothing awful. He has made no attempts to progress the contact.

I need to change the contact and feel it needs to be progressed. I really want to cut him off entirely as I think he is a very awful person who will eventually really hurt dd at least emotionally.

What would happen if he took me to court? Would they take any of these things into account?

foolonthehill Wed 17-Dec-14 12:45:16

They would take these things into account BUT would probably go for safe contact rather than no contact....contact centre or relative supervising at least initially.

The received wisdom in this country is that a less than ideal non-resident parent is better than none.

handywoman203 Wed 17-Dec-14 13:55:16

no they wouldn't probably....

cestlavielife Wed 17-Dec-14 16:19:41

what do you want the contact to progress to?

Lovedandexhausted Wed 17-Dec-14 17:53:15

Just more than once a month for 4 hours and more than 1/4 of the time :/ but I don't want it unsupervised and I don't want him having overnights

caroldecker Wed 17-Dec-14 18:29:00

So you want him to have more contact or no contact?

PatriciaHolm Wed 17-Dec-14 19:37:09

You can't force him to have more contact I'm afraid.

Equally, I don't think you would stand a chance of getting a no contact order; he has to be a real, tangible, proven threat to achieve that and he isn't.

Your daughter has the rights in this situation; it's her right to a relationship with him, even if he's not a great dad.

Starlightbright1 Thu 18-Dec-14 12:55:43

I have read quite a few posts on here who encourage contact when Ex then wants it get very upset.

You can't make him have more contact. What I don't understand is why you would want more but also want to cut him out of your DD life.

Best advise..Leave it as it is if your DD is coping with it this way. Do not encourage or discourage it.Let it take its course..He possibly will hurt your DD ( emotionally) however you have to let that happen ( if it does) .If he lets her down..She will have to learn that he lets her down..

lunar1 Thu 18-Dec-14 13:03:07

Your safest bet is to leave things as they are. You can't make him see him more but if he feels pressured into it he would want it on his terms not yours. That is more likely to lead you to court.

Lovedandexhausted Fri 19-Dec-14 00:51:32

Thank you that makes sense I suppose I felt that it should be nothing at all or more frequent and better for dd but I think I would be upset if it were more frequent

cestlavielife Fri 19-Dec-14 09:48:25

it's fine to have just this little contact...no different from a grandparent who lives far away or an aunt. she will know he exists and comes to see her sometimes but the key people in her life day to day week to week will not include him. that isn't a bad thing given the background you have given.

if he takes you to court you will deal with this then.

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